Bridesmaid Help!!

csaint19

My wedding isn't until 2015 after I graduate from school. I have an idea who i would I like to have as my bridesmaids, but theres just one person Im not sure about. I have been friends with this girl since middle school, but I have practically known her since elementary school. I continued to be friends with her in high school and a little afterwards. She introduced me to my fiancé, but in the 3 and a half years I've been with my fiancé, her and I dont really talk much and have grown apart because of school. She's kind of unreliable at times, Im not sure if she'll be able to pay for a bridesmaid dress, shoes, jewelry, etc and I wont be able to help her out money wise. Im on the fence about her being my bridesmaid, but I feel like I have to because she introduced me to my fiancé and I have known her for a very long time. If I dont ask her to be a bridesmaid Im afraid she's gonna make a big deal about it. She's also mentioned to me that she wants to go wedding dress shopping with me, but Im not bringing my whole bridal party just my mom, grandma, sister, and maid of honor. What should I do and how should I tell her not everyone is coming wedding dress shopping??? 

Thank you,

Courtney

KeptInStitches

Hold off asking anyone until you're 6-9 months out from your wedding. There are so many stories on the boards of brides whose personal relationships with their friends and families have fallen apart.

bethsmiles

I agree 100% with @KeptInStitches. You are WAY to far out to be asking anyone to be in your WP. Your relationships with people could change drastically between now and 2015. I know you think that won't happen but this board is full of posts from women who thought the same thing and then ended up with lots of drama.

If the girl asks about wedding dress shopping say are just going with family and then change the subject.

Viczaesar

csaint19 said:

My wedding isn't until 2015 after I graduate from school. I have an idea who i would I like to have as my bridesmaids, but theres just one person Im not sure about. I have been friends with this girl since middle school, but I have practically known her since elementary school. I continued to be friends with her in high school and a little afterwards. She introduced me to my fiancé, but in the 3 and a half years I've been with my fiancé, her and I dont really talk much and have grown apart because of school. She's kind of unreliable at times, Im not sure if she'll be able to pay for a bridesmaid dress, shoes, jewelry, etc and I wont be able to help her out money wise. Im on the fence about her being my bridesmaid, but I feel like I have to because she introduced me to my fiancé and I have known her for a very long time. If I dont ask her to be a bridesmaid Im afraid she's gonna make a big deal about it. She's also mentioned to me that she wants to go wedding dress shopping with me, but Im not bringing my whole bridal party just my mom, grandma, sister, and maid of honor. What should I do and how should I tell her not everyone is coming wedding dress shopping??? 

Thank you,

Courtney

First, don't ask anybody at all until you're less than a year out.  Once you ask people to be in your wedding there's no take-backsies.  Second, the only thing your bridesmaids have to spend money on is a dress, which should be selected with their budget and comfort in mind.  You should ask each of your WP members privately and individually what their budget is, and go with the lowest budget.  There is no need for this woman to spend money on jewelry or shoes or anything else. 

On the other hand, you do not need to invite her to be in your wedding party just because she introduced you to your FI.  The people in your WP should be those to whom you are closest and whom you want to honor. 

Bubbles2014

I agree with PP, it is WAY too early to be asking BMs. A year ago I would've asked several girls that I was close with, but now we barely speak. Friendships change and you drift apart. Wait - You will thank us later!

csaint19

Thank you ladies!! You have definitely helped me out

WendyAHS

I agree that it's too early to ask, but I think it's okay to start considering it.

If you feel lukewarm, there's nothing mandating her being there.  What matters is what she will bring to the group of women who stand beside you.  If you've drifted apart too much, it's okay.  If you want her there out of principal, that's okay too.  Just give yourself lots of time and you'll come to the answer.

melbelleup

I had this similar issue. I asked my BMs pretty early out (no issues yet, wedding less than a year away) BUT for my dress shopping, since I have self-image issues with my body, I only wanted my mother and my MOH with me. I wanted my FMIL, but she couldn't make it due to work. My brother complained to my dad about how I didn't ask my FSIL (they're engaged-wedding 3 weeks after mine) to go dress shopping with me. I did orig. plan on having my BMs with me, but changed my mind when I decided to do it on weekday afternoon. All of my BMs were working and my mom took the week off to spend time with me. My MOH came over and went back to work afterwords. Needless to say, I kind of planned it so I knew they couldn't go. Harsh, maybe, but I did still ask them, and if they would of said yes, I would of been fine with that as well.

However, enough about me: if you don't want a big fuss for dress shopping, just say you're only having blah blah and blah with you. If she back lashes, don't even tell her when you're planning on going dress shopping and just go.

Emmy1493

I know this might be late commenting, as it was almost a month ago, but I can see where you are coming from. IMO, I would wait like the PP's said, until the wedding is a tad closer to planning. This will give you a lot of time to decide on who you want to be apart of your big day. Just make sure you think it through, because situations change, and sometimes relationships with people do too. At least by the time your wedding is closer, you can have a bit more of an idea then. Best wishes, and congrats on your wedding!