Am I Just Being Sensitive?

Jen4948

GypsyBridetobe said:

@jen4948 OK I have a question . Why do you assume I can't understand where the person is coming from?

Your responses don't suggest it.  They've been very defensive about your particular advice and full of references to "it's my culture, I won't be excluded."  You haven't said a thing that suggests that another point of view might have validity.

GypsyWife_

OK I get it.

GypsyWife_

But to.let you know I totally understand how she feels. Its not fun getting a a dig from an in law. And i just think its a fine line between letting stuff go and knowing when to stand up for yourself.

Jen4948

GypsyBridetobe said:

But to.let you know I totally understand how she feels. Its not fun getting a a dig from an in law. And i just think its a fine line between letting stuff go and knowing when to stand up for yourself.

Right, but clearly the OP feels that the FMIL crossed the line.  And given that she didn't have a change of clothes with her and what she was wearing fit right in, this is a time when I think, and she thinks, she should stand up for herself.  This is not a "dues-paying" or "let it go" occasion.

GypsyWife_

I understand why you feel that way. We can agree to disagree.

Jen4948

GypsyBridetobe said:

I understand why you feel that way. We can agree to disagree.

Yes, we can, but it's up to the OP to decide how she wants to handle her FMIL.  She may or may not decide to let it go.

GypsyWife_

I loved your comment

Jen4948

GypsyBridetobe said:

I loved your comment

Thank you.  But it wouldn't surprise me if she doesn't take it or if it turns out not to work if she does.

phira

Giving advice =/= being critical. I'm a little surprised that has to be said.

GypsyWife_

Giving advice = wwyd.? I always thought.

phira

I don't give advice to everyone, even if I think they're doing something "wrong." For example, if I think someone doesn't dress well, I don't comment on it. If they ask me for advice, I'll give it to them.

But commenting to someone that they're not dressed appropriately, or they're not sitting up straight--that's really not advice. That's being critical, and it's rude.

TiaTea

Every case is different.
In my opinion, sometimes parents don't know how to act towards their grownup children, and treat them as kids. And they accept their daughters in law and sons in law as their own children. So the things they say are not out of being mean, but rather in the line of "Eat your vegetables" .
If that is the case, take it with the humor in it. See if the things they are saying are the things that a mother would say to her 5 years old daughter. That might be it.
In the particular situation I would have clarified : " Do you find my outfit inappropriate, or you don't like it? " If they don't like it , just say "But I like it" and don't bother with it any more. If they think it's inappropriate for some reason, ask why. You don't have to do anything about it, if you don't agree with their reasoning, but you'll get an understanding about their way of thinking.
I am not defending anybody. All I am saying is that a lot of hard feelings start because of simple misunderstanding.

tinambride

Thanks everybody for the feedback. For the record, the outfit was "modest" and appropriate. Thenskirt went to my knees and the top was not even sleeveless. Their concern was that it was not "formal" enough, when in fact most people were wearing a similar style to me. Unfortunately, I don't have a photo.

I've taken everybody's advice to heart. My perspective is, I'm an adult and I prefer to be treated with respect. Unfortunately there are people who will never treat you with respect. In this situation I think TiaTea was right in that they don't know how to treat their grownup child, and I've now been lumped into that category.

I consider brown-nosing a derogatory term. I won't do it, but I also will do my best to show them respect. If they step out of line, I'll defend myself but I'll work hard not to provoke it. I'll see there "comment's" as advice which I can take or leave, depending on the situation. I'm sure I'm not the first to have this problem and on some level I need to develop a thicker skin. I'm also aware of some of their personality traits now so I'll be prepared to take them less to heart.