Only out of town kids

LovelyBride229

To keep number of kids at wedding small we are only allowing guest from out of town to bring kids to wedding and we will have a separate kids room/reception for the kiddies. I know it might sound mean but I feel if people have months notice who live locally they should be able to get a babysitter in time. Otherwise the children count would be really high. So how should we word invites/ wedding website to let people know that if the live locally we wont be able to accommodate their kids. ?

southernbelle0915

Just address the invitations to the people you are inviting. If you're not inviting Mr and Mrs Smith's kids, just address the invitation to Mr and Mrs Smith. Don't include any extra wording in the body of the invite about people who are NOT invited (i.e. "out of town kids only") - to do so is considered rude.

Would you be able to arrange for all the kids (including local kids) to join the kid's reception area? If not, it might be cheaper for you - and you could include all kids - to get a sitter, rent a room, order them pizza and set up movies so it's not really part of the reception.

KeptInStitches

Invites should be addressed only to the people who are being invited. So if you're inviting Jim and Sue Doe's kids, the invite is addressed: 

Jim & Sue Doe

Jack, Miranda

123 Wabash Drive

Anytown, PA 00000

And if you're not inviting Rob and Nora's kids, the invite is addressed:

Rob & Nora Smith

6798 3rd Avenue

Sometown, NJ 99868

LovelyBride229

@kEPTINsTITCHES so if you are inviting mr & mrs. smith and their 2 kids, my understanding was addressing it "Mr. & Mrs Smith & Family" I think i may put adult reception and let our close family members out of state know via phone space will be provided for children. The hall has an extra room we are renting , and we will have it for out of town kids with pizza , wings, cupcakes, and sitters and games or movie.

LovelyBride229

KeptInStitches

That's not very tactful, IMO. I think it's clearest if the invitation is only addressed to those invited. Then if say Rob & Miranda try to include their kids on their RSVP card, you can call them and clarify.

misssunshine17

Are the out of town kids not invited in to the reception with their parents? In this case, you should tell them prior because not many people want to bring their child to an event to be left with some stranger in a different room. 

misssunshine17

Yeah, also don't point out who isn't invited ie: adult only reception. It's rude. It sounds like you should just have an adult wedding and not invite OOT kids. 

bethsmiles

It is rude to put adult only reception on the invites. Also, be aware that parents won't necessarily want to leave their children unattended in a separate room with people they don't know and you absolutely cannot dictate that they do so. Personally, I think the separate room for kids idea is a bad one. You either want a wedding with kids there or you don't.

I agree with @misssunshine17 - it sounds like you don't want children at your wedding at all. I suggest not inviting any children. Only list the adults names on the invites. If you get RSVPs that include children simply say: "I'm sorry but we won't have space to accommodate X or Y. But we look forward to see you there!"

LovelyBride229

wow pump the breaks ladies. :-) Where is the love and positivity here? I know most parents would love to spend time with adult guest and get a break from the children knowing they are only a few steps away and they can check on them any time. We aren't hiring guys from "to catch a predator" to watch the little kids it will be professional sitters. Parents i have polled about this idea have told me they would love it. Try to lighten up ladies everything isn't rude. Its very common to invite parents only and have adult reception .

misssunshine17

Seriously, OP? You got advice that was solid and you're coming back with guns blazing. If you don't want a real answer, don't ask the freaking question. 

FizzySips

LovelyBride229 said:

wow pump the breaks ladies. :-) Where is the love and positivity here? I know most parents would love to spend time with adult guest and get a break from the children knowing they are only a few steps away and they can check on them any time. We aren't hiring guys from "to catch a predator" to watch the little kids it will be professional sitters. Parents i have polled about this idea have told me they would love it. Try to lighten up ladies everything isn't rude. Its very common to invite parents only and have adult reception .

An adults only reception or entire wedding is not rude. Writing "adults only" on the invite (or anywhere) IS rude. You need to be diligent about identifying who specifically (by name) IS invited instead of generically excluding an entire class of people on the invite.

southernbelle0915

No one is rude. Simply stating how they might feel as parents and how other guests might feel is not rude. I will never understand why people think anything but validation of their idea is rude. Never.

That said, if I received an invitation with my kids on it I'd assume they'd be sitting at the table next to me. I would be really confused and uncomfortable if we arrived at the reception and parted ways at the door. If that's the case, I would have just gotten a sitter I/the kids know and left the kids at home completely.

I think what's being conveyed here is that if you want to have an adults only reception, awesome. Do it. I did it. I'm SO glad I did. Just don't put kids on the invitation. Communicate to your OOT guests by word of mouth that if they want to bring little Suzie, you'll have pizza and a sitter there to watch all the kids. The parents clearly understand it's adults only and it's their call what to do with Suzie. KWIM?

bethsmiles

LovelyBride229 said:

wow pump the breaks ladies. :-) Where is the love and positivity here? I know most parents would love to spend time with adult guest and get a break from the children knowing they are only a few steps away and they can check on them any time. We aren't hiring guys from "to catch a predator" to watch the little kids it will be professional sitters. Parents i have polled about this idea have told me they would love it. Try to lighten up ladies everything isn't rude. Its very common to invite parents only and have adult reception .

Look, I'm sure some parents would love it. But not all parents will. If you do this you don't get to dictate that children must go to that room. So I think it would be better for you to just invite adults only since you clearly don't want children at the reception.

KristinL410

We are doing something kind of along the same line. If we invited everyone's kids, our guest list would go up by almost 100, but quite a few people will be coming from out of town. We are only addressing our invites to adults. If any of our out of town guests ask about bringing their kids (which everyone knows some people do), we are going to inform them that we aren't inviting children, but if they don't want to leave there children out of state, we are arranging a child care room with babysitters, because the people invited are important us and we would love to have them with us to celebrate. Maybe something like that would work for you. Also, between my mother and his mother, I'm sure some people will be told of this arrangement and it will be passed around our families verbally.

KristinL410

Sorry for the long block of text. I separated into paragraphs, but apparently my iPad is anti-paragraph.

eas1223

I agree with Southernbelle. If I got an invitation that included my son's name, I would assume he would be sitting next to me and would be pretty upset to find out he had to be sent to another room when we got there. If that's the way you are going to do it, you need to find a way to communicate that to the OOT parents before they book their tickets.

HisGirlFriday13

FTR, the appropriate way to address invitations that include children is:

Mr. and Mrs. Bob Smith

Miss Sally Smith

Mr. Joe Smith

(Kids listed oldest to youngest). 

SomethingBeautiful08

I agree that the idea of putting "adults only" is rude.  OP I would also plan that some of the kids will end up in your "adults only" reception, unless you have security keeping them out. 

Another way to do this would be to just invite the adults to the wedding then send out a "kid invite" detailing what you've got planed for them and a note " professional sitters provided by XXX sitters / Give the names" That way it is clear that the kids really are not invited to the reception, the parents know who you are hiring for their children and can check them out ahead of time, and hopefully that will reduce the confusion.

jessicabessica

If you don't want kids there, don't invite them.  You cannot invite kids and then put them all in a room with a sitter--it's fine to have that as an option for invited kids, but they also need a seat in the reception so they/their parents can choose.  You can offer to help out of town guests find local sitters, but I would let them make the arrangements themselves if you give them a list of names.