Wedding Etiquette Forum

Potluck Bridal Shower?

Hey all,

I have a friend who invited me to her potluck bridal shower and I was just curious to everyone's thoughts on it. Is it okay to ask guests to bring an entrée/side/dessert?

 

Re: Potluck Bridal Shower?

  • I don't think it's ok. Is the bride hosting her own bridal shower as well?
  • I think she is hosting - I know that's a big no but wasn't positive about the potluck.
  • Nope - it's rude for a bride to throw a shower (aka gift giving event) in her own honor and then not even properly host it. 

    It's rude for her to throw her own shower because it's gift-grabby. And it's rude to make it a potluck because it's supposed to be a hosted event. It's not just a backyard bbq where friends BYOB - it's a wedding event where people are bringing gifts to "shower" the bride. They should be properly hosted. Period.
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  • that's what I thought. If you were in my situation would you still go? How would you handle it?
  • If I went - and that would be a big if - I probably wouldn't bring an additional gift, or I would only bring something very small (< $10).
  • Depends on how close the friend is. If it were a close enough friend, I'd probably offer to throw the shower for her to save her some face before she committed a royal social faux pas. If not, I probably wouldn't go. I don't like to support bad etiquette. I'd probably mail a congratulatory card though.
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  • that's what I thought. If you were in my situation would you still go? How would you handle it?
    How close are you to her? If pretty close, I'd go, but like pp said, I would factor the food I was bringing into my gift budget. If I wasn't that close to her, I'd skip it.
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  • We used to be pretty close but grew apart over the past few years. I think I will go but bring a smaller gift to make up for the food.
  • We used to be pretty close but grew apart over the past few years. I think I will go but bring a smaller gift to make up for the food.

    If you are going to go then this would be the best route to go. Divide your budget between the dish and the gift. If it were me I'd give a small dish like an app or a dessert.
  • I "call" your friend's potluck shower and "raise" you my friend's potluck wedding reception.  Yes, truly.  I kid you not.

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  • I "call" your friend's potluck shower and "raise" you my friend's potluck wedding reception.  Yes, truly.  I kid you not.

    Gross.  The last wedding I was involved in was a total horror show.

    OP - just jumping on the bandwagon of what everyone else said.

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  • @MuppetFan, I don't think I ever got the scoop on the wedding. Thread or condensed version?

    OP, definitely not okay. I would decline and not send a gift. 
  • I "call" your friend's potluck shower and "raise" you my friend's potluck wedding reception.  Yes, truly.  I kid you not.

    I see your potluck wedding reception and raise you potluck reception plus request for cash on the invitation, with the added bonus of the ceremony starting an hour and forty-five minutes late and  an announcement in the middle of the ceremony that the bride and groom had already been married for several months.



  • Viczaesar said:



    I "call" your friend's potluck shower and "raise" you my friend's potluck wedding reception.  Yes, truly.  I kid you not.


    I see your potluck wedding reception and raise you potluck reception plus request for cash on the invitation, with the added bonus of the ceremony starting an hour and forty-five minutes late and  an announcement in the middle of the ceremony that the bride and groom had already been married for several months.


    Woooow. No future baby gift for them.

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  • I "call" your friend's potluck shower and "raise" you my friend's potluck wedding reception.  Yes, truly.  I kid you not.

    I see your potluck wedding reception and raise you potluck reception plus request for cash on the invitation, with the added bonus of the ceremony starting an hour and forty-five minutes late and  an announcement in the middle of the ceremony that the bride and groom had already been married for several months.
    Woooow. No future baby gift for them.
    Sharpschruter22 - my thoughts exactly.



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  • @sharpschruter22 wow! I am always stunned my how tacky people can be. Im curious though . . . Did you get a thank you note?
  • I "call" your friend's potluck shower and "raise" you my friend's potluck wedding reception.  Yes, truly.  I kid you not.

    I see your potluck wedding reception and raise you potluck reception plus request for cash on the invitation, with the added bonus of the ceremony starting an hour and forty-five minutes late and  an announcement in the middle of the ceremony that the bride and groom had already been married for several months.
    Woooow. No future baby gift for them.
    She already has five kids between teen and adult age, so I don't think they're planning on babies.  This was my second cousin, by the way.  Leberius, if that was meant to be addressed to me, I did not. 



  • So, I'm not raising anyone anything if that's ok :)  but in regards to attending this debacle, I would decline.  If this person is even kind of a friend to you, I would consider directing her to a site like this one and trying to get her to see how horribly tacky and rude this is.  

    Are you in her wedding party?  Or do you know the people that are so they can maybe help stop this madness??
  • @PatriceC59, just FYI, your ticker isn't showing up properly.



  • Update!

    So I spoke with one of the bridesmaids. Apparently the mom is "hosting" it but it is in name early. The mom's name will be on the invitations but the bride is really the one planning it. She just wants to do it herself to make sure it is done right.

    Also, she is not asking for gifts. She and her fiancé already live together so instead she is asking everyone to bring a food item along with the recipe for it.  

  • Update!

    So I spoke with one of the bridesmaids. Apparently the mom is "hosting" it but it is in name early. The mom's name will be on the invitations but the bride is really the one planning it. She just wants to do it herself to make sure it is done right.

    Also, she is not asking for gifts. She and her fiancé already live together so instead she is asking everyone to bring a food item along with the recipe for it.  

    Oy vey! She can't throw her own shower. If she doesn't want anything then she doesn't need a shower. Ugh.
  • Yep, revising my answer to not going.
  • Update!

    So I spoke with one of the bridesmaids. Apparently the mom is "hosting" it but it is in name early. The mom's name will be on the invitations but the bride is really the one planning it. She just wants to do it herself to make sure it is done right.

    Also, she is not asking for gifts. She and her fiancé already live together so instead she is asking everyone to bring a food item along with the recipe for it.  

    That's not a bad idea, although it might be more suited to a housewarming party.  She still shouldn't be hosting her own shower.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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