Do i tell her she's not in the wedding?

soverynicole

I have a friend who I've been best friends with since 9th grade. We grew into two COMPLETELY different people, but have worked hard to keep in touch over the past 16 years. I have considered her my best friend until about a year ago when i told her FI and I were probably going to get married and her reply was "I'm sorry but you are moving too  fast and I cannot support you." She let me know that she doesn't want to talk about him or our relationship anymore. At that point, I wasn't interested in talking to her at all about anything. She is my friend and I expect her to support me.

We are now engaged, and when it happened, I didn't even want to call her and tell her because I knew she wouldn't actually be happy for me. I know she probably expects to be my MOH, but honestly, I don't even want her in the wedding because I can't seem to forgive her.  I have other wonderful friends and family members who have been nothing but supportive of me. FI doesn't want her in the wedding either because he knows how upset she has made me. 

So here's my question - do I tell her that she isn't going to be in the wedding? I feel like simply sending her an invitation would be incredibly passive aggressive. But I don't want to come across as too harsh by telling her she won't be in the wedding. 

Thoughts?

artbyallie

It's never appropriate to tell someone when they're not invited to something. So no, please don't go out of your way to tell her she's not in your wedding. If she happens to ask, answer with, "Sally's my maid of honor." No explanations necessary.

BlondieBia21

Did she ASK if she was in the wedding? If so, that's rude. If not, let it be. There's no issue. Like PP said, there's no right way to tell someone that. If you invite her to the wedding, I don't think that's being p/a, you're including her just in a guest way instead of having a part in the wedding.

soverynicole

She has asked what the bridesmaids are wearing, when the bachelorette party is and other little details. I said I hadn't really planned anything yet, which obviously isn't the truth. Aaaawkward.

Has anyone else been in this situation? I feel like this will probably be the end of our friendship, which is actually okay with me.

Lauderdale Pink

If it is OK with you that this is the end of your friendship, then leave it alone and stop any contact with her now.  I would not invite her to the wedding either, because, from the way I am following this, you probably would not be in contact with her afterwards anyway.  We had one of those at my daughter's wedding and there were some very uncomfortable moments that we all could have lived without.  

Amsdragonfly

artbyallie said:

It's never appropriate to tell someone when they're not invited to something. So no, please don't go out of your way to tell her she's not in your wedding. If she happens to ask, answer with, "Sally's my maid of honor." No explanations necessary.

This. I can't see someone actually asking "am I in the wedding?" but if she does... do the bolded. You can also just bean dip her if she asks again about when the bachelorette party is, etc. 

TheVirginians

If she asks about the dresses, tell her, "They chose a pink floor length gown." She'll figure it all  out. As far as showers and bachelorette, you can say that xyz planned a party for you and that she'll get an invitation soon.

Teddy917

If you go over to Etiquette, you'll see a post exact opposite from this one.
Troll. And not a very good one either.

soverynicole

Ha! There is a similar post in Etiquette, but not by me!

Thank you for all of the advice! This has been the biggest source of stress throughout the whole wedding planning process and I'm happy to put it behind me!