My Fiance and I have been engaged for a year, and have been together for almost two and a half years. We are both 25- I am a preschool teacher and he is in his last year of college. Currently, we share an apartment with our two cats, and are learning how to run a household and manage our debts as a couple. My Fi has battled health issues most of his life, and his mother is very protective of him in this regard. She worries about his stress levels, and since he moved out, I have perceived her as treating me like I stole her baby away (but that's just me). She doesn't seem to acknowledge that I am not only aware of his health concerns, but have worked with her and helped him manage his health on several occasions.
Today was her surprise birthday party.
What started as speculation with Fi's aunt (FMIL's sister) over what she thinks I can call my FMIL (we're still not first-name, and I will NEVER call her 'Mom'), turned into a confident conversation about what my FMIL thinks of me. My FMIL and her sister have a somewhat strained relationship, and my Fi's Aunt may be 'stirring the pot' to gain an ally, but my FMIL has also been known to be occasionally cold to me- so I don't know what to believe.
According to my FMIL's sister:
- My FMIL and I need to have a long talk.
- My FMIL thinks my Fiance and I need to wait yet another year to get married, since Fiance is just finishing school weeks after we get married.
- FMIL is worried about Fi's ability to financially support me. [This one I find insulting, insinuating I need my husband to be the breadwinner.]
- FMIL is worried about Fi's health [Valid. I will never argue this, but I think we've managed well together so far and I don't see what marriage has to do with changing that.]
- FMIL is upset she and FFIL can't contribute financially to the wedding because they are not in a stable financial situation. [Though I sympathize, I don't see how that's our problem- we are not demanding or expecting anything from them, and I hear at least once a week that she is complaining about the 'financial burden' that is being put on their family... though my parents are paying for *everything.*]
- Fi's Aunt, doesn't see me as needy, but word on the street (i.e.: from my FMIL) is that I'm needy. [When I asked her to elaborate, she simply asked me if I'm sick a lot. I am.... I work in childcare with very, very young children who also get sick a lot. I've been working there just over a year. First year teachers GET SICK A LOT. I don't see how asking Fi to pick up some cough syrup on the way home from wherever makes me needy... but whatever.]
- Fi's Aunt doesn't think I should care if discussing all this with FMIL causes a fight- it will be cathartic to get everything out in the open.
SO, that being the gist of it, I'm left confused, heartbroken, and hurt. On the one hand, I love my FILs, and I love my Fiance, and if I could please everyone, I would. On the other hand, I'm so livid that either A) my FMIL truly feels this way about me, which means she obviously doesn't know me that well and has made grossly inaccurate assumptions about me or 
my Fi's Aunt is creating nasty rumors to pit me against my FMIL, which will inevitably end badly anyway. There were so many other issues today too- my middle-child Fiance's feelings of inadequacy when compared to his doctor sister and lawyer brother, being ignored while FBIL's girlfriend stole the show with her expensive gift and NYC chic style.... there are too many to remember this late.
I'm sorry if this rambled. I had started transcribing the conversation, but it was too long winded. I figured bullets would give the basic idea.