Cancel the wedding?

shadowkat31

I need some advice, i'm upset and disappointed with my mom. I just got engaged 3 weeks ago and my mom hasn't been very supportive or thrilled that I got engaged. My parents like my fiance, we've been together for 7 yrs. We have a lot of family issues where my mom doesn't like or get a long well with my dad's two sisters. She doesn't want them to come to the wedding or reception. I know my dad wants them there because its the only immediate family he has left. I don't care for my two aunts as well but i will let them attend for my dad's sake. My parents are paying for my wedding. All my Dad cares about is my happiness and having the day i want. My mom has an attitude and doesn't want to spend any money on my wedding.  I'm not looking to have a huge expensive wedding but the 40 people (20 fiance family/20 my family) that i might be inviting is too many according to my mom.

My question is should i just cancel the wedding? I appreciate any advice!

Teddy917

Why would you cancel the wedding? Have a great wedding. Don't listen to your mom and pay for it yourself

misssunshine17

Pay for your own wedding. I'm not sure why an adult would let their parent run over them like your mother is doing to you. When they pay, they get the say, so your dad can invite who he wants and they get control of details. 

TheVirginians

So your mom and dad do not agree about your wedding. If you want your dad to be happy and he is paying, you can either let him talk to your mom about his family, or you can talk to your mom about his family. It's two against one, and I think the bride and the payer get the most say. I'd tell her that she can deal with his sisters for a couple hours to make you and him happy

southernbelle0915

If I were your FI, I'd be really disappointed if you cancelled our wedding because of this. If you're only 3 weeks in and you mom is already a PITA, I would sit your parents down and tell them you are going to decline their offer to pay for your wedding because of XYZ. Then pay for it yourself, invite whoever you want, and do whatever you want.

Xstatic3333

You don't mention if Mom and Dad are a unit. From what you've said here though, Mom doesn't want to help pay. Decline any money she offers; there are strings attached you don't like. Don't talk wedding with her, just send her an invitation. I am sympathetic, I know you must feel hurt, but it's the best way to handle it.

If Dad's offered money is separate from Mom's, accept it if you wish. Just keep your budget arrangements with your Dad private, and make sure you only take what is offered, not hint or ask for money. Also, don't count on any money until it is in hand. My parents are paying for much of my wedding too, but I made sure not to sign any contracts I couldn't honor on my own if their offer changed. Good luck!

OliveOilsMom

shadowkat31 said:

I need some advice, i'm upset and disappointed with my mom. I just got engaged 3 weeks ago and my mom hasn't been very supportive or thrilled that I got engaged. My parents like my fiance, we've been together for 7 yrs. We have a lot of family issues where my mom doesn't like or get a long well with my dad's two sisters. She doesn't want them to come to the wedding or reception. I know my dad wants them there because its the only immediate family he has left. I don't care for my two aunts as well but i will let them attend for my dad's sake. My parents are paying for my wedding. All my Dad cares about is my happiness and having the day i want. My mom has an attitude and doesn't want to spend any money on my wedding.  I'm not looking to have a huge expensive wedding but the 40 people (20 fiance family/20 my family) that i might be inviting is too many according to my mom.

My question is should i just cancel the wedding? I appreciate any advice!

Don't cancel your wedding.  As a PP mentioned, how would that make your FI feel?  You and FI are becoming a family unit, so your parents should not be as important in your life as your FI is.  Decline their offers of money.  You can host 40 people for under $200 in food costs, if you plan correctly.  I just hosted my sister's shower with about 40 people.  I made 2 pans of baked ziti, sausage/meatballs in a crockpot, a lunch meat tray, and some salads.  You could even host this simple gathering at your home or a friends/relative's home.  Add in an officiant, a cake, an ipod hooked up to speakers, and some nice clothes for you and FI and you have a very affordable wedding.

Ilumine

So your first thought, when confronted by some problems is to run/cancel?  If I were your FI, I would be awful pissed that my future spouse let her parent's issues supercede OUR wedding.  

It is a pretty good indicator on how YOU would react to any future parental issues. NPO?

Bookie7

I suggest, don't cancel your wedding due to someone else's opinion.  It's your special day, you and your fiance invite who you want.  It's kind of funny because I went through this exact same situation several months ago when it came to our guest list.  My parents want to help out by paying for the dinner portion.  My fiance and I chose a venue that we would be able to afford ourselves (without our parents help) and that wouldn't be a crazy amount of people.  My mom wanted to invite up to 5th cousins... people I never heard of, let alone met.  I had to give her the harsh reality of it that "if I don't know them, and they don't know me, they shouldn't be invited."

In your case, it's closer family.  If you want them there, invite them.  If not, don't.  It's not up to your mom or dad.

shadowkat31

Thank you all for your responses! This whole wedding experience is just so over whelming and stressful. I had no idea it would be this bad. And to have my mom not be very supportive is disappointing, since we have been pretty close all my life. Having a chance to think about things (and not being so emotional), my fiance and I have decided not to cancel the wedding, but to just pay for it ourselves. Just keep it simple and only invite the people that are closest in our lives. Our wedding is about US and celebrating our love.And not worrying about my mom,drama, or anything else. I'm really glad that this forum exists and we can vent and discuss family drama. Thanks everyone!

Xstatic3333

Congrats, it sounds like you made a great decision!  I'm sure your wedding will be wonderful.  Stick around the boards to tell us all about it.