Southern Wedding Traditions/Interactive Customs?

Chan245

My fiance is from New Orleans and I am from Nashville.  (We live in Nashville.)  We are looking for some Southern wedding traditions that we can incorporate into our wedding reception.  We are not going to be doing the bouquet or the garter toss.  (We are pretty much the last of our friends to get married - we only have two unmarried women who are coming and one unmarried man so we don't want to single them out like that.)  Instead, we are looking for some cool interactive customs/traditions that we can put in their place.  We are going to do the Money Dance.  My fiance does not like the Second Line so we won't do that.  Any ideas on other activities/traditions/customs that we can incorporate into our reception that will include most of or all of our guests?  - They don't necessarily need to be traditions rooted in The South.  Thanks for the advice!

artbyallie

Please don't do the Money Dance. It is super tacky and inappropriate to hit up your guests for cash. And ask your families for wedding traditions. IMO, it's silly and odd to incorporate 'traditions' no one in either family has ever done.

southernbelle0915

Skip the money dance. If you read a few of the threads on here, you'll see why it's super tacky.

How about instead of activities, you use traditional foods to serve, you each pick a signature cocktail (e.g. hurricane and something from TN). Make your centerpieces reflect your backgrounds, decorate your card box, etc. 

People have the most fun at weddings when there's good food, good drinks, and good music. IMHO, "activities" and such interrupt the night. Like if you're having an awesome time on the dance floor and the DJ kills it by telling everyone to GTF off for the garter toss. Buzz kill. It's more fun if you just incorporate these things elsewhere and let people keep partying.

Chan245

artbyallie said:

IMO, it's silly and odd to incorporate 'traditions' no one in either family has ever done.

I don't think it's silly to want to incorporate the customs of where you live and have grown up into your wedding.  And I didn't mean tradtions that are only done in the family.  Neither one of us has gotten married before so we don't know the types of traditions that are done at weddings in place of the garter and bouquet toss.  I was just looking for a little help here lol.

Chan245

southernbelle0915 said:

How about instead of activities, you use traditional foods to serve, you each pick a signature cocktail (e.g. hurricane and something from TN). Make your centerpieces reflect your backgrounds, decorate your card box, etc.

That's a great idea.  I hadn't thought of the signature cocktail each.  Thank you!

TheVirginians

If you're looking for traditions, then the money dance is the tradition of the tacky wedding.

I don't get the tradition questions. For years, weddings were always held in churches. That meant the church practices determined the traditional wedding.

southernredandwhite85

My wedding is incorporating a lot of southern elements into it. While these aren't all "traditions", most traditional southern brides will incorporate a few of these things into their wedding: your new monogram at the reception (never before or during your ceremony), a bridal portrait, wearing lace from your mother's gown/veil around your bouquet (not sure if this is southern but it's the norm in my circle), incorporating your & your fiance's alma mater into the rehearsal dinner, typically the groom's cake.

Chan245

aefowler said:

My wedding is incorporating a lot of southern elements into it. While these aren't all "traditions", most traditional southern brides will incorporate a few of these things into their wedding: your new monogram at the reception (never before or during your ceremony), a bridal portrait, wearing lace from your mother's gown/veil around your bouquet (not sure if this is southern but it's the norm in my circle), incorporating your & your fiance's alma mater into the rehearsal dinner, typically the groom's cake.

Thank you so much for your help!  This is the kind of thing I'm talking about.  I don't know what else to call them other than "traditions" - thanks for knowing what I meant!

Chan245

aefowler said:

My wedding is incorporating a lot of southern elements into it. While these aren't all "traditions", most traditional southern brides will incorporate a few of these things into their wedding: your new monogram at the reception (never before or during your ceremony), a bridal portrait, wearing lace from your mother's gown/veil around your bouquet (not sure if this is southern but it's the norm in my circle), incorporating your & your fiance's alma mater into the rehearsal dinner, typically the groom's cake.

Thank you so much for your help!  This is the kind of thing I'm talking about.  I don't know what else to call them other than "traditions" - thanks for knowing what I meant!

MyNameIsNot

A money dance is pretty universally shunned in the south.  It's rude, and it doesn't have southern roots.

The biggest southern tradition I can think of is the groom's cake.  Traditionally, it's chocolate and served at the actual reception.  The trend of serving it at the RD is fine, but that isn't southern.  

Since you aren't doing the bouquet toss, you could consider an anniversary dance.  You invite all the couples to the dance floor, and then the DJ starts counting time (everyone married less than 1 day, 1 year, 10 years, etc, leaves the floor in steps).  Eventually the couple who has been married the longest "wins" the bouquet.  

heidirs731

Not everyone thinks the Money Dance is rude/tacky. I've been several weddings that included it, and no one gave the reactions people give on this forum. But I am from the North.

I've also been told the Ding Jar is a Southern tradition, but I don't see how that's any different than the money dance.

Dreamergirl8812

heidirs731 said:

Not everyone thinks the Money Dance is rude/tacky. I've been several weddings that included it, and no one gave the reactions people give on this forum. But I am from the North.

I've also been told the Ding Jar is a Southern tradition, but I don't see how that's any different than the money dance.

That's because no one said it to the begging bride and groom's faces. Internet strangers have no problem telling someone that begging for money is tacky.

I don't know what the ding jar is, but if it's like the money dance then it's tacky.

heidirs731

Then I have no class, then.

Chan245

MyNameIsNot said:

Since you aren't doing the bouquet toss, you could consider an anniversary dance.  You invite all the couples to the dance floor, and then the DJ starts counting time (everyone married less than 1 day, 1 year, 10 years, etc, leaves the floor in steps).  Eventually the couple who has been married the longest "wins" the bouquet.  

Wow what a wonderful idea! We have a lot of people who love dance.  This is a great way to honor our couple friends and the couples in our families that we love and who have helped shape us into the people we are and who we will model our marriage after.  Thank you!!!

southernbelle0915

heidirs731 said:

Then I have no class, then.

I'm sure you have plenty of class. The people who don't are people who know it's rude/tacky and do it anyway. 

Here's why it's tacky: The bride/groom as asking for money. It's always tacky to ask people for money. 

Some brides/grooms will say, "but they don't HAVE to participate." Right. They don't. But 1) they're being asked to by virtue of the activity and 2) even if they don't participate, they have to sit there and watch (not celebrate) while the bride and groom attempt to profit from their guests.

heidirs731

My family has just never seen anything wrong with it. It's a dollar; it's not that big a deal. And the mentality is that it's always nice to help the bride and groom out a little. Yes, we already bought them a gift, but one dollar is not that big a deal. And it's always a hoot to watch the guys line up to dance with the groom. It's something that has always been fun, and it's never been seen as a money grabbing attempt.

Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

southernbelle0915

heidirs731 said:

My family has just never seen anything wrong with it. It's a dollar; it's not that big a deal. And the mentality is that it's always nice to help the bride and groom out a little. Yes, we already bought them a gift, but one dollar is not that big a deal. And it's always a hoot to watch the guys line up to dance with the groom. It's something that has always been fun, and it's never been seen as a money grabbing attempt.

Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

Ugh - no. If it's just a dollar, then skip it. It's not worth it. Also, what we're telling you is that people DO see it as a money grab. No one's going to tell the bride and groom that because it would be rude to confront them. Profiting off your guests is not a "different strokes" thing. It's wrong. The reception is hosted by you to thank them for coming to the wedding. They shouldn't open their wallets. For anything.

tigerlily2559

I'm from Louisiana, and every wedding I've ever been to has had a money dance. Contrary to what these people say, most people think its fun and look forward to having their chance to dance with the bride/groom and have a one on one conversation with them - the couple is usually so busy that this otherwise does not always happen with every guest. And don't even talk to me about a receiving line, because I have NEVER seen one of those at any of the 30+ weddings I've attended. It is no different than registering for gifts, having "showers", putting out a "Honeymoon Help" jar, etc. To me, my family and my friends who I know all agree (and not just "assuming" they agree because they haven't the heart to say so - I KNOW bc we've discussed it) the money dance is a fun tradition and will stay that way.

Other things you could think about are a cake pull for the ladies (some do only single ladies, but I like it when you include all your cousins, friends, etc. and have different charms that mean different things for them in life), the DJ or bandleader leading a line dance with guys on one side and gals on the other, and some late-night passed food for the partying fools that are still having fun and may need some sustenance. For instance if you want to incorporate Tennessee and NOLA, you could do some sort of Memphis style BBQ (mini briskit or pulled pork sandwiches maybe?) and beignets and cafe au lait.

Good luck and remember, listen to your heart and forget about the negativity. You know what you want and there's nothing wrong with that.

southernbelle0915

tigerlily2559 said:

I'm from Louisiana, and every wedding I've ever been to has had a money dance. Contrary to what these people say, most people think its fun and look forward to having their chance to dance with the bride/groom and have a one on one conversation with them - the couple is usually so busy that this otherwise does not always happen with every guest. And don't even talk to me about a receiving line, because I have NEVER seen one of those at any of the 30+ weddings I've attended. It is no different than registering for gifts, having "showers", putting out a "Honeymoon Help" jar, etc. To me, my family and my friends who I know all agree (and not just "assuming" they agree because they haven't the heart to say so - I KNOW bc we've discussed it) the money dance is a fun tradition and will stay that way.

Other things you could think about are a cake pull for the ladies (some do only single ladies, but I like it when you include all your cousins, friends, etc. and have different charms that mean different things for them in life), the DJ or bandleader leading a line dance with guys on one side and gals on the other, and some late-night passed food for the partying fools that are still having fun and may need some sustenance. For instance if you want to incorporate Tennessee and NOLA, you could do some sort of Memphis style BBQ (mini briskit or pulled pork sandwiches maybe?) and beignets and cafe au lait.

Good luck and remember, listen to your heart and forget about the negativity. You know what you want and there's nothing wrong with that.

Jazzyliza

I am from Nashville but marrying a man from Venezuela...and in DC! I too am skipping the bouquet/garter nonsense. The one "activity" I must have is one I first encountered at a wedding in Panama. The new norm in Latin weddings these days is called "La Hora Loca", or "crazy hour". Usually that means midnight...but I will start mine no later than 11pm. The lights dim and wedding attendants throw out crazy props like Mardi Gras beads, glo-in-the-dark bracelets, whistles, crowns, etc. while the band goes crazy on the drums. Everybody hits the dance floor...kids, old ladies! You could make yours very Nawlins and play wild Mardi Gras music...even from an iPod. : )

Chan245

tigerlily2559 said:

I'm from Louisiana, and every wedding I've ever been to has had a money dance. Contrary to what these people say, most people think its fun and look forward to having their chance to dance with the bride/groom and have a one on one conversation with them - the couple is usually so busy that this otherwise does not always happen with every guest. And don't even talk to me about a receiving line, because I have NEVER seen one of those at any of the 30+ weddings I've attended. It is no different than registering for gifts, having "showers", putting out a "Honeymoon Help" jar, etc. To me, my family and my friends who I know all agree (and not just "assuming" they agree because they haven't the heart to say so - I KNOW bc we've discussed it) the money dance is a fun tradition and will stay that way.

Other things you could think about are a cake pull for the ladies (some do only single ladies, but I like it when you include all your cousins, friends, etc. and have different charms that mean different things for them in life), the DJ or bandleader leading a line dance with guys on one side and gals on the other, and some late-night passed food for the partying fools that are still having fun and may need some sustenance. For instance if you want to incorporate Tennessee and NOLA, you could do some sort of Memphis style BBQ (mini briskit or pulled pork sandwiches maybe?) and beignets and cafe au lait.

Good luck and remember, listen to your heart and forget about the negativity. You know what you want and there's nothing wrong with that.

Great ideas - thank you!  BTW - You totally rock

Chan245

Jazzyliza said:

I am from Nashville but marrying a man from Venezuela...and in DC! I too am skipping the bouquet/garter nonsense. The one "activity" I must have is one I first encountered at a wedding in Panama. The new norm in Latin weddings these days is called "La Hora Loca", or "crazy hour". Usually that means midnight...but I will start mine no later than 11pm. The lights dim and wedding attendants throw out crazy props like Mardi Gras beads, glo-in-the-dark bracelets, whistles, crowns, etc. while the band goes crazy on the drums. Everybody hits the dance floor...kids, old ladies! You could make yours very Nawlins and play wild Mardi Gras music...even from an iPod. : )

Cool idea! 

taynkeeb

As far as the money dance goes, it's your family and his. If you know your parties well enough, then you shouldn't have to worry about offending anyone with the dance. For instance, I know everyone in my family thinks it's fun and doesn't even question whether or not we'll be having the dance, it's just a given that we will. It doesn't matter that it's not a "southern tradition," it's still a matter of preference and if you want it, don't let these girls make you feel like you don't have "class."

 

People like to contribute when they can, especially if they're the loved ones you've invited to your wedding, of all things! My fiance and I are young, have saved ourselves for marriage, and will be moving in together only when we're Mr. and Mrs. Our guests are looking forward to helping us splurge on a totally awesome honeymoon (along with spending time unfolding the dollar bills they so cleverly make into origami shapes) and to help us start off married life with a couple extra bucks in our pockets. Nothing wrong with that.

Halloqueen81

I agree with PP that the best way to tie in Southern tradition is with food, fashion and decor. There's really nothing different about the "traditions" whether you live in the South or anywhere else. Choose what you and fiance want...it's really all about what you guys want your big day to be.

In my internet research (I'm planning a southern themed wedding too!)  I did find one interesting southern tradition called "bury the bottle". Apparently if you bury a full bottle of bourbon upside down at your venue one month before your wedding day, it will keep rain away. Maybe a fun idea to take some engagement pictures. (And the plus side you can unbury the bottle on your big day and share a shot with your wedding guests!) Grooms cake, pearls, lace, ...all good ways to give your guests that southern feel.

And lastly, the money dance. This is an eastern European (Polish) wedding tradition that started in the 1900s...it has also been adapted in other cultures as well. I'll save my personal opinion to myself since it's your wedding and you should make it what you want it to be. But this is definitely not a "southern" tradition. Hope some of this helps!

brmthews

I too am having a Southern wedding. I had never heard of the money dance before this but we are doing little things for the south. The south is all about food and we are doing our own food (a cookout) and for the foods that aren't store-bought we are going to have little recipe cards for guests to take if they like it. We are going to do things like have a drink tub for those who aren't going for the alcohol, take a big metal bucket, dump in some ice and stick bottled cokes in it. I think bringing in family is important in the south too so we will have the wedding photos of our parents and grandparents with our other decorations. I am still planning mine so I hope this gives some ideas.

thejucheidea

I'm a born and raised Nashvillian, and I live in East Nashville, and I've never been to a wedding with a successful dollar dance, but I HAVE been to weddings where the money begging led to all of the guests leaving immediately.

Chan245

taynkeeb said:

As far as the money dance goes, it's your family and his. If you know your parties well enough, then you shouldn't have to worry about offending anyone with the dance. For instance, I know everyone in my family thinks it's fun and doesn't even question whether or not we'll be having the dance, it's just a given that we will. It doesn't matter that it's not a "southern tradition," it's still a matter of preference and if you want it, don't let these girls make you feel like you don't have "class."

 

People like to contribute when they can, especially if they're the loved ones you've invited to your wedding, of all things! My fiance and I are young, have saved ourselves for marriage, and will be moving in together only when we're Mr. and Mrs. Our guests are looking forward to helping us splurge on a totally awesome honeymoon (along with spending time unfolding the dollar bills they so cleverly make into origami shapes) and to help us start off married life with a couple extra bucks in our pockets. Nothing wrong with that.

Congratulations!  Your origami shapes sound like great fun!   And I completely agree - know your audience and ignore the nasty nay-sayers

Chan245

taynkeeb said:

As far as the money dance goes, it's your family and his. If you know your parties well enough, then you shouldn't have to worry about offending anyone with the dance. For instance, I know everyone in my family thinks it's fun and doesn't even question whether or not we'll be having the dance, it's just a given that we will. It doesn't matter that it's not a "southern tradition," it's still a matter of preference and if you want it, don't let these girls make you feel like you don't have "class."

 

People like to contribute when they can, especially if they're the loved ones you've invited to your wedding, of all things! My fiance and I are young, have saved ourselves for marriage, and will be moving in together only when we're Mr. and Mrs. Our guests are looking forward to helping us splurge on a totally awesome honeymoon (along with spending time unfolding the dollar bills they so cleverly make into origami shapes) and to help us start off married life with a couple extra bucks in our pockets. Nothing wrong with that.

Congratulations!  Your origami shapes sound like great fun!   And I completely agree - know your audience and ignore the nasty nay-sayers

vollebell

My fiance and I aren't interested in the bouquet toss or garter toss either. This is the alternative we are going with.

Instead of the bouquet toss, you can do the marriage dance. All married couples are asked to come to the floor for a dance, then the MC starts to call out lengths of marriage (1, 3, 5, 10, 15, etc.). The couple that has been married the longest is given the bouquet as a symbol of your hope your marriage is as long and happy as theirs had been.

RebeccaB88

Please do not insult Southerners by saying the money dance is traditionally Southern. It is not. And it's rude regardless of where you do it.

artbyallie

RebeccaB88 said:

Please do not insult Southerners by saying the money dance is traditionally Southern. It is not. And it's rude regardless of where you do it.

Exactly. I had never heard of the dollar dance before TK.