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Venues and Rudeness They Encourage

My FH and I have looked at probably close to 10 to 15 venues for our wedding, some we have toured on 2 different occasions. We looked at one last week and are trying to set up one more visit to a venue I found out about on my local board. Some venues are all inclusive, some let us bring in catering but we have to bar through them. Almost all of them have told us to do things that are very rude to our guests or just act like that by picking that venue they have become the wedding planner.

I ruled out a few places we have visited because of how the coordinator have spoken to us. The venue we looked at last week said we shouldn't care that FMIL is severely allergic to tree nuts and if the chef makes a dish with pesto/almonds/walnuts or whatever other tree nut, she can just avoid it. He even said that for vegetarian guests to order from a local Mexican restaurant because why offer a vegetarian option for maybe 2 guests. He also said that it is OK to make guests stand for the service since they can only hold maybe 140 in the chapel and having some guests sit in a separate room from the restof the guests is OK. He also said that of the 300 guests we plan on inviting maybe 90 to 100 will come to the ceremony and the rest will come to the dinner. I realize not everyone will make it to the ceremony but not almost the entire guest list, especially when 90% of our guest list will have to travel over 2 hours to the wedding.

Another venue, I partially ruled out because the coordinator actually told us we don't want certain things, like a plated dinner or chair covers for the ugly chairs at the venue, because its more work. That lady runs a restaurant attached to the venue, but you can bring in your own caterer, so I asked for catering options from her restaurant, as they are on the approved caterers list for another venue. She wouldn't give me anything and seemed in a rush to get us out of the venue because it seemed like we were interrupting her day.

For me, it isn't just venues who are telling me to basically screw my guests and just do whatever I want. My supervisor told me that I shouldn't care that my FMIL has a severe allergy, she should know how to avoid the foods with the nuts in them. And worrying about cross contamination isn't a real problem because you know, kitchen staffs never get busy and accidentally use the spoon that stirred the pesto and use it to stir marinaria sauce. How does someone have such a blatant lack of respect for other people? She is newly married and said that she didn't care if guests couldn't eat because of allergies, it was her day.

Have any of you had to deal with this? How did you end up picking a venue and still be able to be a wonderful host? I think it is one of the reasons my FH and I can't agree on a venue because I refuse to be rude to our guests.
You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis

Re: Venues and Rudeness They Encourage

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    Stick with what your gut's telling you. If a venue disregards a guest's nut allergy or having enough seats for all the guests at the ceremony, skip them. All they're trying to do is make a sale and take your money, they do not have you, your FI's or your guests well being in mind. It took FI and I to visit 10 different venues before finding the right one.
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    Thankfully we only saw one venue they were very friendly. I would stick with what you want and not settle, even if you have to go to 100 more venues ... number one rule is go with your gut instinct.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    My FH and I have looked at probably close to 10 to 15 venues for our wedding, some we have toured on 2 different occasions. We looked at one last week and are trying to set up one more visit to a venue I found out about on my local board. Some venues are all inclusive, some let us bring in catering but we have to bar through them. Almost all of them have told us to do things that are very rude to our guests or just act like that by picking that venue they have become the wedding planner.

    I ruled out a few places we have visited because of how the coordinator have spoken to us. The venue we looked at last week said we shouldn't care that FMIL is severely allergic to tree nuts and if the chef makes a dish with pesto/almonds/walnuts or whatever other tree nut, she can just avoid it. He even said that for vegetarian guests to order from a local Mexican restaurant because why offer a vegetarian option for maybe 2 guests. He also said that it is OK to make guests stand for the service since they can only hold maybe 140 in the chapel and having some guests sit in a separate room from the restof the guests is OK. He also said that of the 300 guests we plan on inviting maybe 90 to 100 will come to the ceremony and the rest will come to the dinner. I realize not everyone will make it to the ceremony but not almost the entire guest list, especially when 90% of our guest list will have to travel over 2 hours to the wedding.

    Another venue, I partially ruled out because the coordinator actually told us we don't want certain things, like a plated dinner or chair covers for the ugly chairs at the venue, because its more work. That lady runs a restaurant attached to the venue, but you can bring in your own caterer, so I asked for catering options from her restaurant, as they are on the approved caterers list for another venue. She wouldn't give me anything and seemed in a rush to get us out of the venue because it seemed like we were interrupting her day.

    For me, it isn't just venues who are telling me to basically screw my guests and just do whatever I want. My supervisor told me that I shouldn't care that my FMIL has a severe allergy, she should know how to avoid the foods with the nuts in them. And worrying about cross contamination isn't a real problem because you know, kitchen staffs never get busy and accidentally use the spoon that stirred the pesto and use it to stir marinaria sauce. How does someone have such a blatant lack of respect for other people? She is newly married and said that she didn't care if guests couldn't eat because of allergies, it was her day.

    Have any of you had to deal with this? How did you end up picking a venue and still be able to be a wonderful host? I think it is one of the reasons my FH and I can't agree on a venue because I refuse to be rude to our guests.


    Good for you for not allowing your guests to be treated like dirt! Food allergies are a big deal... I can't believe you've run into such rudeness!

    Keep looking. It's important to find a venue you're comfy with.
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    I usually sleep on it before I discuss with FH what I liked or disliked with the places. Especially lately because we will seemingly agree on something like an open bar is important to both, we get there and then FH will say he is OK with just beer/wine/soda hosted and cash for everything else. I am mad at FH for changing his mind on something he knows is on my must have list for the wedding. I know FH and I need to be on the same page for what we want to offer for the bar and everything really for the wedding.

    His argument for cash bar when I say that we wouldn't charge our guests in our home for liquor why would we at our wedding, is we also don't prevent them from bringing their drink of choice into our home. I get it but don't have a witty comeback.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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    Be firm with the venue and coordinators. You sound like you have your head screwed on, and you are in the right. You are the host, you are paying for a service and if they don't want to provide it you should vote with your feet!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    My boss has a serious nut allergy, and eating one bite of rocky road ice cream sent him to the ER. So the venue is saying having the wedding of your dreams is more important than the physical well being of your guest? And it doesn't matter if someone dies as long as you get to have pesto??? That is one messed up woman!
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    Go with your instinct. For what you're paying, the staff should be wooing you! 

    If there's a venue you love, but part of the reason you're rejecting it is because of the way you've been treated, speak with a supervisor. Be polite, but honest, and explain how you've been treated. See if anything changes, and if it doesn't, continue the search. 

    Side note: Please do not have a cash bar. If your FI doesn't want to pay for a full bar, beer, wine, and soda are just fine. 
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    We had gone to a ton of weddings and I always ask FH what he remembers from each one months later. The ones where we paid for drinks, he remembers talking to his friends because no one really danced or had the fun party vibe. The ones with open bars, he remembers the great food, dancing and fun times with his friends. He wants the fun party vine for our reception and hasn't realized that somehow in our group open bar = fun party vibe.

    I know how I want to treat our guests and I know my FH wants the same but doesn't realize a large wedding = more money on providing a properly hosted wedding. I would do beer, wine and soda only but because it is common by us for partially hosted bars, he feels that it is OK to do it. I think I might have to pull a bridezilla moment on him and say hosted bar only or dry wedding, which will not go over with his family, just to get him to realize how important to me it is.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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    Good for you for seeing through the BS those venues were trying to feed you.
     
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    Every single venue my friend looked at, except for 1 (she looked at about 10-15) told her to tell the guests to arrive a half an hour to an hour earlier for the ceremony. These venues are seriously part of the problem.
    Good for you for standing your ground.
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    I'm appalled by all the rude ideas venues tell us. One place said to only invite the families and BP to dinner and our friends to the dance because it would be cheaper. I did ask him what he suggest I tell all of our out state friends do from when the ceremony ends til dancing starts. He just about died I was calling him out on how rude that was and that he was being put on the spot.

    I think the more I nitpick the venues the more my FH wishes that we should have made plans to elope. If it was one or two places, I probably wouldn't care so much and just write them off but I can think of only 1 place that didn't suggest we be rude to our guests. That place only required qw get the bar through them and they would set it how we wanted it.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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    We were looking for something with a very specific style so didn't have much to choose from.  Fortunately, when we went to visit the place at the top of our list the coordinator couldn't have been lovelier and more accommodating, the price was right, and the food was amazing so we just booked it without looking at anywhere else. 

    It's just inconceivable to me that any venue would ignore a guest's allergies or dietary restrictions.  If they're that bad on the first visit, I can't imagine  how difficult it would be over the course of several months of having to work with them. Good for you for seeing through it.
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    We looked at a venue yesterday and they are at the top of the list. The coordinator was wonderful and even said her job was to make our life easier the day of the wedding. She even told us that the wedding is one day, but your friends and family are there every day after that one day, why be rude to them? She also didn't say we had to do things her way, like other venues have. This place did jump to the top of the list, now to find catering at the right price and figure out the bar packages.

    I found some reviews online for one of the places we looked at, and everyone says they are horrible to work with and to not do your wedding there. The biggest complaint was they don't explain anything to the couple, they just expect you to know. People also complained about how they aren't accommodating at all, you have to do the rehearsal Thursday for the Saturday wedding, can't decorate until the morning of the wedding because they *might* rent the venue on Friday.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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