MOB

girl4182

Hi There

 

Just wanting an opinion on a couple things. My mom has been looking for dresses. She went out yesterday with my aunt and tried on a mostly white dress with a silver jacket. She sent me a picture and I asked what I thought. I told her it was a pretty and asked if it came in another colour. SHe’s been snippy with me and upset ever since and says she’s wearing her PJs to the wedding. I wasn’t mean, I didn’t throw a fit and say NO, you can’t wear that! I simply asked if it came in another colour. Putting aside the fact that it’s a wedding, and that her dress isn’t going to stand out next to mine if it’s the same colour, it’s a mid/late October wedding. I thought white was more of a summer colour? Should I have handled this differently? At the end of the day she can wear what ever she wants to wear, it doesn’t really matter what I think, but as her daughter am I not suppose to answer honestly when she asks for my opinion?

 

My second question relates to money. My mom made a big deal to both my fiancée and I that she was contributing to the wedding with $500 from her yearly bonus and income tax return. My fiancée's parents are covering the open bar. My didn’t expect anyone to pay for anything but since it was offered with included the amounts promised in our budget. My sister got married this past spring and the deal was that we both got $500. She ended up giving my sister $600. I hadn’t asked or thought about it but she sent me an email back in March letting me know that she was going to give it to us closer to the time and not to worry.

 

We are a little less than 2.5 months and she hasn’t mentioned anything more about it. We had planned on using it to pay off our chapel and our pastor has been asking when we planned on making that payment. She’s gotten me to pay for things for her if it’s in between pay weeks and I don’t think she actually has that $500 as they took a mini trip shortly after I got her e-mail. Do I just pretend that it was never promised and look for something to cut to free up some room, do I wait it out a little longer or do I ask her about it?

Bookie7

I would say absolutely not to your mom wearing white or ivory to your wedding.  That's what I would say if my mom asked the same question.  There are so many colors of dresses to pick from.  I think you went about it the right way.  You were respectful, and did not just turn her down.

 

About the money situation.... I'd act as if it was never promised.  She may contribute right before the wedding or after the fact, but I would just plan as if she wasn't contributing to be on the safe side financially.

KeptInStitches

I agree with you on the money situation, @Bookie7, but not necessarily on the dress. I think that OP was respectful, and I would side-eye the SHIT out of any guest who wore a blatantly wedding-y dress, but without seeing the dress in question (described as mostly white, and with a silver jacket), I wouldn't veto it quite so quickly.

Note: OP, I'm not saying your mom is right in throwing a hissy fit over it.

allispain

OP, I think you handled the dress issue just fine. I probably would have asked something similar, since I know a lot of bridal stores only carry one color of a dress even if it comes in more than that.

As for the money issue, I would go forward with the idea in mind that she didn't offer that money, and make appropriate cuts elsewhere if needed. If she does give you money right before the wedding, then great, but she very well may not do so, so you should be prepared for that possibility.

NYCMercedes

Ease yourself away from the mom. She asked about the dress, so you were not out of line when you answered her. Also, it's unfortunate about the $$$, but she hasn't come forward with it, so you may be SOL.

artbyallie

What does 'mostly white' mean in this case? If it has a pattern, that's not going to be mistaken for a wedding dress, ever. And you can't tell your mother what to (or not to) wear to your wedding. Even if she does wear a wedding dress, which I assure you has happened to brides here before.

girl4182

It's all layered ruffles and a few of the ruffles toward to bottom are the same colour as the jacket. The majority of them are white.  I didn't tell her what she could or couldn't wear. She asked my opinion and I said, It's pretty, does it come in other colours? 

southernbelle0915

girl4182 said:

It's all layered ruffles and a few of the ruffles toward to bottom are the same colour as the jacket. The majority of them are white.  I didn't tell her what she could or couldn't wear. She asked my opinion and I said, It's pretty, does it come in other colours? 

I wouldn't be happy if my mom came with something like that, but ultimately, she's going to look like an idiot wearing a mostly white, ruffly dress to your wedding as the MOB. That's her thing though. I think your question was fine - it's not like said "you can't wear that color. get another color." The question was innocent enough. 

I'd forget about the money. Plan like it's not there. 

HisGirlFriday13

Your response to her question was absolutely reasonable -- your mother is being out of line (and she knows it), not you.

Definitely plan as though the money isn't there. But then also, I'd recommend not helping her out between pay weeks anymore. It's not fair to you and your FI to have to cut something from your wedding so you can bail your mother out of a financial predicament.