Chit Chat
Options

Flip Flop decision: settling on a reception site

GammadersonGammaderson member
First Anniversary First Comment
edited August 2013 in Chit Chat

This past weekend my parents suggested to me to switch reception venues; from a community center to a banquet hall. Sounds nice, but here's the frustrating part...

Back in May/June when my parents, FI, and I were deciding on where to host the reception we looked at many different locations. The church's hall, a BANQUET HALL and COMMUNITY CENTER were our final 3 selections. When deciding, my parents kept repeating "We need to pick a reception site soon, so we can start paying it off." and that in order to cut costs on transportation we should pick a location that's close to the church. After a walk though of each venue and costing out expenses my FI and I really liked the space and aesthetics of the COMMUNITY CENTER. It's bright, the space feels very open, there were many banquet-type events were held there before. But the community center allowed us to only rent to the space and we had access to table and chairs. The BANQUET HALL, on the other hand, was on a golf course, and it came with a complete package (tables, chairs, catering, cake, decorations, etc). My mom (without visiting or pricing out this place) encouraged us to choose the BANQUET HALL because it was a complete package. We wouldn’t have to worry about finding various vendors like we would if we went with the COMMUNITY CENTER. We’d have their help in paying for it. It was a great point. We'd have to "create a party" if we went with the COMMUNITY CENTER.

I spoke with the BANQUET HALL event coordinator to reserve the space for the wedding date then received a price quote on our wedding reception. Then I presented this too my mom. My mom frowned and says this is too expensive.  Then she visited the site and says there's smell, she doesn't like the parking lot, it's stuffy, and she doesn't like the bathrooms. Noting that me, FI, and my dad, this location and there was no smell, no one cared about the parking lot, and the bathrooms were just fine. In fact, when she went to see the location they were setting up for a wedding ceremony and reception later that afternoon. It was the perfect moment for her to see the staff in action. Her comments and complaints gave me the impression that she wasn't going to help pay for a reception at this location.

She then visited the COMMUNITY CENTER and said yes to using it. I asked her was she sure. We would have to create a party from ‘scratch’ (rent linens, flatware, silverware, glassware, decorations, etc) and she gave a confident "Yes, we can do this". I say alright. Call the event coordinator at the BANQUET HALL and cancel our reservation. We go to the COMMUNITY CENTER, we put down a refundable deposit down to reserve the date. Two months later after my mom looks at a couple of caters and party rental places, she comes to the realization that there's a lot of work involved. And tells FI and me we should switch back to the BANQUET HALL. My frustration comes NOT in the idea of switching venues, but the flip-flop on these major decisions. I see the logic in going back to the BANQUET HALL. Decorating the community center is too much for them to handle. I get it.  We made a confident decision to go with the COMMUNITY CENTER. We knew what we were getting ourselves into.  I guess my mom wasn’t confident.  Without their help, I don’t think we could have the “traditional” (seated meal, drinks, etc) wedding reception. That’s what I would prefer.

 My mom fully admits that it's her fault, though. And she apologizes.  She says she just didn't realize the amount of time, labor, and money it would take to transform the COMMUNITY CENTER (even though I told her). So, my choice is to stay with the COMMUNITY CENTER. Make it work. We said we're going to use the COMMUNITY CENTER. Let's use the COMMUNITY CENTER. The flip side to that is I would feel I'm just being difficult. Would it really relieve them if FI and I held the reception at the banquet hall? My other choice would have been to go back to the BANQUET HALL. But just have my “moms” handle it. If I did that, I would feel weak, indecisive, and uncertain of their future actions. I really don't want to flip flop.

Time to go for a walk now.

**EDITS**

An animator and a writer are planning a wedding, it will be an epic graphic novel.

Re: Flip Flop decision: settling on a reception site

  • Options

    What in the world is a "wedding helper" and why is it in quotes?

    And why can't you make your own decisions?

     

  • Options

    From the title I thought this post was going to be about whether or not to have a flip flop basket at the reception.

    Me too.
  • Options
    I'm guessing that helpers are payers. How does it all breakdown as far as payers? For example, if your parents are the 99% helpers, then it is very important that you, FI, and they are in agreement.
  • Options
    I'm guessing that helpers are payers. How does it all breakdown as far as payers? For example, if your parents are the 99% helpers, then it is very important that you, FI, and they are in agreement.
    Our you could also call them your parents instead of your helpers and not make them sound like little wedding elves.
  • Options

    Did anyone else read the capitalized words like this?: image


    Both the capitalized and quotation words!

    Op, I'm guessing your helpers are one of the sets of parents (FILs based on the tone??). It really depends how the contribution breakdown is. If they are paying they have a big say in the event. However I would say that the decision was made and you should put your foot down not to change it. My MIL tried to get us to change venues 3 months after we put down the deposit and sent stds....I said no way. That boat has sailed.

    image
  • Options

    Did anyone else read the capitalized words like this?:

     image

    I did this with all the quotes and capitalized words.

    I just don't understand why anyone would call parents "helpers" and not parents. I guess if they are all parents that are paying then you need to figure it out. But you should stop calling them helpers.

     

  • Options

    For whatever reason I can't edit my last post.

    Looks like OP edited her post and it is her parents.

     

  • Options
    staar987 said:

    For whatever reason I can't edit my last post.

    Looks like OP edited her post and it is her parents.


    Ah ha! She still didn't say who's paying and what %.
  • Options
    Here is my answer to OP: What?



    Anniversary
    image

    image
  • Options
    I couldn't get through it.  Why the hell are BANQUET HALL and COMMUNITY CENTER all in caps?



  • Options

    This past weekend my parents suggested to me to switch reception venues; from a community center to a banquet hall. Sounds nice, but here's the frustrating part...

    Back in May/June when my parents, FI, and I were deciding on where to host the reception we looked at many different locations. The church's hall, a BANQUET HALL and COMMUNITY CENTER were our final 3 selections. When deciding, my parents kept repeating "We need to pick a reception site soon, so we can start paying it off." and that in order to cut costs on transportation we should pick a location that's close to the church. After a walk though of each venue and costing out expenses my FI and I really liked the space and aesthetics of the COMMUNITY CENTER. It's bright, the space feels very open, there were many banquet-type events were held there before. But the community center allowed us to only rent to the space and we had access to table and chairs. The BANQUET HALL, on the other hand, was on a golf course, and it came with a complete package (tables, chairs, catering, cake, decorations, etc). My mom (without visiting or pricing out this place) encouraged us to choose the BANQUET HALL because it was a complete package. We wouldn’t have to worry about finding various vendors like we would if we went with the COMMUNITY CENTER. We’d have their help in paying for it. It was a great point. We'd have to "create a party" if we went with the COMMUNITY CENTER.

    I spoke with the BANQUET HALL event coordinator to reserve the space for the wedding date then received a price quote on our wedding reception. Then I presented this too my mom. My mom frowned and says this is too expensive.  Then she visited the site and says there's smell, she doesn't like the parking lot, it's stuffy, and she doesn't like the bathrooms. Noting that me, FI, and my dad, this location and there was no smell, no one cared about the parking lot, and the bathrooms were just fine. In fact, when she went to see the location they were setting up for a wedding ceremony and reception later that afternoon. It was the perfect moment for her to see the staff in action. Her comments and complaints gave me the impression that she wasn't going to help pay for a reception at this location.

    She then visited the COMMUNITY CENTER and said yes to using it. I asked her was she sure. We would have to create a party from ‘scratch’ (rent linens, flatware, silverware, glassware, decorations, etc) and she gave a confident "Yes, we can do this". I say alright. Call the event coordinator at the BANQUET HALL and cancel our reservation. We go to the COMMUNITY CENTER, we put down a refundable deposit down to reserve the date. Two months later after my mom looks at a couple of caters and party rental places, she comes to the realization that there's a lot of work involved. And tells FI and me we should switch back to the BANQUET HALL. My frustration comes NOT in the idea of switching venues, but the flip-flop on these major decisions. I see the logic in going back to the BANQUET HALL. Decorating the community center is too much for them to handle. I get it.  We made a confident decision to go with the COMMUNITY CENTER. We knew what we were getting ourselves into.  I guess my mom wasn’t confident.  Without their help, I don’t think we could have the “traditional” (seated meal, drinks, etc) wedding reception. That’s what I would prefer.

     My mom fully admits that it's her fault, though. And she apologizes.  She says she just didn't realize the amount of time, labor, and money it would take to transform the COMMUNITY CENTER (even though I told her). So, my choice is to stay with the COMMUNITY CENTER. Make it work. We said we're going to use the COMMUNITY CENTER. Let's use the COMMUNITY CENTER. The flip side to that is I would feel I'm just being difficult. Would it really relieve them if FI and I held the reception at the banquet hall? My other choice would have been to go back to the BANQUET HALL. But just have my “moms” handle it. If I did that, I would feel weak, indecisive, and uncertain of their future actions. I really don't want to flip flop.

    Time to go for a walk now.

    **EDITS**

    For posterity.



  • Options
    Hindsight is 20/20. Of course the decision seems easy now that its been made. If the people paying are willing to incur the added expense of changing venue and you/your FI are amenable to the change then do it.
  • Options
    If your parents are paying, and they would prefer the banquet hall which you also like, go back to the banquet hall. This of course, depends on that date being available. If the date isn't available, stick with the community center. 
    image



    Anniversary
  • Options
    I don't see that this is really a tough decision. If your parents are paying and they want the banquet hall, go with the banquet hall (or BANQUET HALL). It will be easier on you anyways since you won't have to worry about finding caterers, bakers, rental places etc etc. 
    Anniversary
  • Options
    If I'm reading this correctly, your mother originally balked at the price of the banquet hall, but now that she sees all the nickles and dimes involved with the community center, the price seems reasonable.  You'd prefer the banquet hall, but you don't want to change your mind because you'd feel indecisive.  

    If you want the banquet hall, you can afford the banquet hall, and everyone else who is paying wants the banquet hall, go with the banquet hall.  There are no awards for sticking with your first inclination.

    It truly sounds like you haven't figured out the budget issue.  If your mother is helping, ask her what she's comfortable contributing.  Using that with what you're comfortable spending, run the numbers and figure out your budget for venue, catering, etc.    
  • Options
    rajahmdrajahmd member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    edited August 2013
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards