Incorporating Children

brittaemily

My finance and I have a 9 month old son together who will be 1.5 years at the time of our wedding. He is already escorting my finance (his dad) down the aisle but how do we incorporate him into our wedding? I have heard a lot of stepmom/dad vows but those don't work because we are already both his parents. Please help with some ideas to make him feel included!

bratto06

My FI and I have 2 children....I am having the same problem ...I am having my daughter walk down with my BM and my son walk with my MOH (their aunt and uncle)... BUt other than that mostly the vows and for the bride and groom so I dont know what else to do

Summer2011Bride

He is escorting FI at 1.5 years old? I mean there's nothing wrong with that, but just realize this may end up in FI having to carry him down the aisle. We had a 4 year old flower girl who got extremely shy on the wedding day with all the people there, and realize that young children often don't "perform" how you want them to on the wedding day.

if he is only going to be 1.5, I don't know how else you want to incorporate him. He won't be old enough to understand or truly grasp what is going on. Definitely don't put him in the vows, which it sounds like you weren't planning on anyway. Besides being a Ring Bearer or doing what you already have planned for him, I don't think there's much else.

HeatherMarie0123

How about a sand ceremony?  There are many verses out there that could work in your situation.  He may need a little help with the actual pouring but it would be an easy way to incoorporate him as well as giving you a sentimental ceremony piece you can keep forever!

lb1212

I think your little one is too little to understand what's going on.  I love the idea of him going down the ailse with his dad, though!  Have you thought about what happens next though? Will your son stay on the altar? Will he be seated with grandparents? I think there is really only so little he can do, due to his age. Here's my idea:

Escort his dad down. Then your FI passes him off to you, you give him a quick smooch, and then hand him to whomever escorted you down the aisle.  You do your ceremony, then the person who's been watching your son during the ceremony pass him to you or your husband as you exit.

artbyallie

I like lb's idea. The wedding is about you and your groom getting married and making a commitment between the two of you. You're already parents to your son; that family bond already exists. Focus on the marriage, which is the new bond being made.

kmmssg

Are you prepared if your son is a bit inimidated by all the people and won't leave your side at the altar?  Much older children have had their meltdowns during weddings because of all the eyes being on them.

FWIW - our son was 16 months old when we got married (and 17 yo tomorrow!).  We intentionally had him with a known sitter and she brought him into the sanctuary after we were at the altar and they sat in the back.  He would have gone one of two directions - being the social little buggar he was known to be and not still and quiet up front sitting with someone, or he would have been crying to be up with his dad and I because he was uncomfortable.  This is why we made the choice we made.  It worked for us.

anglssftwhisper

I would incorporate him in the sand ceremony. I have an 8 year old little girl and she's going to be a jr bridesmaid and if we do a sand ceremony I'll be incorporating her in it. I understand the concerns that he's young, but if means a lot to you I would put him in it.

mikeandchrissy12

We have my daughter as flower girl, then before our vows she is going to come up to where we are standing, while my FI vows to be her step dad... and then she will give a hug and sit back down. then our minster mentioned having her do unity candle with us

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_incorporating-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3275588c-cd59-401a-8887-397c7f72eedbPost:a250db73-fa31-4b3b-ae8f-b3f8d5177c07">Re: Incorporating Children</a>:
[QUOTE]We have my daughter as flower girl, then before our vows she is going to come up to where we are standing, while my FI vows to be her step dad... and then she will give a hug and sit back down. then our minster mentioned having her do unity candle with us
Posted by mikeandchrissy12[/QUOTE]

<div>Think long and hard before you do this. Would you want some woman to be vowing to be your daughter's stepmom? I'm willing to guess that would be no. It's not appropriate to include children in marriage vows, particularly when there would be a potential for insulting the other bio parent.</div>

tiffanygoss

My FI and I have a 2 1/2 year old together. When we get married he will be 3 1/2. He will be the ring bearer but we are also hiring his daycare teacher to be there to "wrangle" him for lack of a better word. He trusts her and knows her and so do we. She will be taking him after the ceremony. WE LOVE our son and like any parent will say EVERYDAY is about the kids, I know its hard to think about leaving them out but on this day you need to, Make this ONE day about you and your FI. He's too little to understand and you dont want to have your mommy hat on you want to have your bride and wife hat on for the day.

Good Luck!

kaos16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_incorporating-children-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:3275588c-cd59-401a-8887-397c7f72eedbPost:0be707c5-20ce-4350-8527-a78e1d4a5937">Re: Incorporating Children</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I have a 2 1/2 year old together. When we get married he will be 3 1/2. He will be the ring bearer but we are also hiring his daycare teacher to be there to "wrangle" him for lack of a better word. He trusts her and knows her and so do we. She will be taking him after the ceremony. WE LOVE our son and like any parent will say EVERYDAY is about the kids, I know its hard to think about leaving them out but on this day you need to, Make this ONE day about you and your FI. He's too little to understand and you dont want to have your mommy hat on you want to have your bride and wife hat on for the day. Good Luck!
Posted by tiffanygoss[/QUOTE]

I think this is a great idea!

Lethinagrl5

My FI and I have 2 children my soon is 2 and my daughter will be 1 in a month. When we get married they will be 3 and 2, my son and his 2 cousins (4 and 3) will be ring bearers and walk down with my daughter the flower girl. My FI and I were thinking about having them do the sand ceremony with us and then thought about what or son and daughter are going to do once we are done pouring the sand... SCREAM! So instead they are going to sit with there grandparents and my FI and I are going to have 2 different colors of sand in each of our vases (mine will have blue my fav colorand pink for ourdaughter, FI will have red his fav color and green for our son) pour them in a hourglass and flip it over once to mix the colors together. Then every anniversary we are going to flip it so that the sand mixes more and more every year. :-)