Snarky Brides

Groomsmen Drama

Going to try and keep this short...

One of FI's groomsmen's wife is due to have their first child right around our wedding date. While I COMPLETELY understand if that takes precedent over our wedding (it should), the groomsmen noted to FI that "he should have a back-up ready, just in case."

If he has doubts about whether or not he can make it due to his child's birth, is it rude to offer to replace him ahead of time, or should I just expect to roll with the punches and if we need to replace him the day of the wedding we will?

Note: Our ushers are wearing the same tux as the groomsmen, so it wouldn't be a complete inconvenience to have a stand-in.

Re: Groomsmen Drama

  • Don't replace him at all. If he can't be there because his wife is in labor/just had a kid, them's the breaks.
  • My guess is that you want to have the same number of groomsmen as BMs. This is not necessary. If his kid is born and he's a no-show, then you either have uneven sides or you have an usher step in. Either way, not a big deal at all.

    If I were a groomsman and you wanted to replace me for this reason, I'd be super hurt. Don't do it.
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  • Good Lord, please don't replace him.

    Isn't this one of your FI's best friends? Please don't kick him out of the wedding (so to speak) because his wife is having a baby! Presumably, your FI asked this friend to be a groomsman as an honor. FI should stand by that.

    Your bridesmaids won't die if they don't have an escort ;-) Trust me.

  • If you're worried about processing in with uneven sides, one GM can walk with 2 BM's, as one option.
  • Going to try and keep this short...

    One of FI's groomsmen's wife is due to have their first child right around our wedding date. While I COMPLETELY understand if that takes precedent over our wedding (it should), the groomsmen noted to FI that "he should have a back-up ready, just in case."

    If he has doubts about whether or not he can make it due to his child's birth, is it rude to offer to replace him ahead of time, or should I just expect to roll with the punches and if we need to replace him the day of the wedding we will?

    Note: Our ushers are wearing the same tux as the groomsmen, so it wouldn't be a complete inconvenience to have a stand-in.

    No need for replacements! I actually had a GM that was tentative all the way up until a few days before the wedding. He didn't attend the rehearsal, but he managed to get there on the day of the wedding. Everything was fine. I also had uneven sides. I had the guys and girls walk out separately (H wanted to walk down the aisle too, so he went first followed by his groomsmen). After the ceremony one guy walked two ladies. It didn't look awkward or out of place at all. 

    It's better to just go on and not worry about a replacement. Plus, asking someone to step in after the fact may make them feel like they weren't good enough to be a GM in the first place, but now that so & so can't make it they are. 
    Anniversary
  • Going to try and keep this short...

    One of FI's groomsmen's wife is due to have their first child right around our wedding date. While I COMPLETELY understand if that takes precedent over our wedding (it should), the groomsmen noted to FI that "he should have a back-up ready, just in case."

    If he has doubts about whether or not he can make it due to his child's birth, is it rude to offer to replace him ahead of time, or should I just expect to roll with the punches and if we need to replace him the day of the wedding we will?

    Note: Our ushers are wearing the same tux as the groomsmen, so it wouldn't be a complete inconvenience to have a stand-in.

    There is never, ever, ever, ever a reason to "replace" a wedding party member.  If he can't be there, he can't be there.  End of story.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Continue on, assuming he will be there. If he can't make it, he can't make it- but don't go switching around your friends like their just actors in a play.
  • My guess is that you want to have the same number of groomsmen as BMs. This is not necessary. If his kid is born and he's a no-show, then you either have uneven sides or you have an usher step in. Either way, not a big deal at all.

    If I were a groomsman and you wanted to replace me for this reason, I'd be super hurt. Don't do it.
    I'd be super pissed if I was the replacement. How awkward.

     "Just stand there and pretend we wanted you there."



    Anniversary
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  • LuvBird29 said:

    Your title is misleading. There is no drama. They are expecting a baby. That's considered a miracle in some circles.


    ETA: grammar fail

    Yes this. It sounds utterly selfish to worry about how this effects you already. The odds are probably low that she'll have a baby the day of your wedding. Asking him to step down or filling him in with someone else is offensive.

  • My guess is that you want to have the same number of groomsmen as BMs. This is not necessary. If his kid is born and he's a no-show, then you either have uneven sides or you have an usher step in. Either way, not a big deal at all.

    If I were a groomsman and you wanted to replace me for this reason, I'd be super hurt. Don't do it.
    ^^ Great advice, right here. 
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  • On the flip side, make sure that HE is still comfortable standing up for your wedding. If he is towing his 9-month pregnant wife around, he may prefer to be an attendee, or at least not have to worry about it. I wouldn't kick him out or replace him right now, but I would encourage your FI to talk with him and make sure that he still wants to do it. He sounds like a good friend, and he may be worried about resigning from his post, but it may make him happier and your day less stressed.
  • I wouldn't have that talk. It would seem like you are trying to kick him out, even if that's absolutely not what you intend. If he wants to step down, he can come to you.
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