Any advice for dealing with pushy FMIL? I know, I know...how original!

champagne85

To start, my wedding is not until April 2014.  FI and I do not live in either of our hometowns, so all family will have to travel. 

My FMIL has been real pushy about wedding jewelry – she makes jewelry as a hobby (it’s nice, just not my style). She had mentioned a couple months ago that she wanted to mail some to me to see if I liked anything for myself or my bridesmaids.  I told her that was a nice offer and while I was already offered to borrow my BFFs jewelry from her wedding and didn’t know what bridesmaids dresses would look like yet (at that point back then) I would certainly be happy to look at anything she would like to send.

Fast forward 3 months and she is now in town visiting (!!) Without hearing anything about this before her visit, she has brought like an ENTIRE suitcase of jewelry and wants me to try on my dress for her and she can pick some pieces.  I was OK with looking at whatever she would mail by myself, but I feel so awkward to do this in front of her as I don't want to insult her if I don't like anything (which I kind of doubt I will).

I tried to avoid it by saying "oh, I don’t have the right undergarments and everything yet to really see what the effects will be", etc.  but she is not taking no for an answer.  I feel like I made a grave error months ago by agreeing to look at her jewelry but I certainly was never anticipating having to put on a "viewing" for her in person.

 

Is continuing to avoid the best course of action until she leaves town next week or do I really need to address this and put my foot down on it?  I can just picture trying on my dress and getting all flushed and sweaty while trying to say "thanks, but no thanks". It's only jewelry so I feel like this shouldn't be a big dramatic conversation, but is this the only way to get her to back off?

 

Would love any thoughts!

NYCBruin

Can you just tell her that you've already picked out the jewelry that you'll be wearing since you said you're planning on borrowing from your BFF?

"Thanks for the generous offer FMIL, but I already have the perfect jewelry picked out.  It also doubles as my something borrowed, so I'm pretty set on it!  Has FI told you about this new restaurant in town?  It's really good, we should go there tomorrow night."

Short and sweet and then change the subject

Chipmunk415

Agree with NYCBruin. Tell her your jewelry is your something borrowed. But maybe throw in how lovely her pieces are, and while your ensemble is picked out, you can't wait to see what she chooses to wear to your wedding since she's so creative and you know she'll look absolutely wonderful!

HisGirlFriday13

Agree with PPs about saying, "I already have my jewelry picked out, but thanks for the offer."

Also, you could say, "Oh, I'm trying to keep my dress a secret until the wedding, so I don't want to show it to anyone more than I have to, I'm sure you understand!" Then change the subject.

I recommend maybe throwing her a bone and letting her make one piece for each BM -- maybe a bracelet or something? If it's small enough, it won't be noticeable, but she'll feel included.

I was a BM for a friend's wedding and her aunt made seed-bead jewelry and insisted on making us necklaces. They were hideous -- huge, ugly, not our style, itchy, etc. -- but we all wore them for the bride's sake. 

Simply Fated

You definitely need to stop avoiding the subject. Either tell her you already have the jewelry picked out or accept that she is bedazzling you that day.

You could compromise. "I'm so sorry, but I already have my jewelry picked out for my wedding day. Maybe you have a piece I could wear for the rehearsal/bridal shower/whatever, instead?"
Or maybe you could ask her to use her work on your bouquet? I don't know what kind of jewelry she makes, but could there be a way she could alter a piece (or make a new piece) that could attach to your bouquet?

TiaTea

You have to be direct. FMIL will be in your life from now on, and you can't always look for excuses and avoid subjects.

Why don't you just tell her the truth? " Thank you. They are gorgeous. Just not my style. I like them , but not for myself. "
You can't say that if she gives you one as a gift.  But she is giving you a choice here . There is nothing wrong to tell people your preferences, when asked.

You can still ask your BM if they like something, since FMIL have suggested. They may have different style and taste than you.
Also, if she wants to make something for you and hopes that you like it, it will be better and easier for her if she knows what you like.

Bjlong

I like Simply Fated idea! Include her in the bouquet making charms or something "special" for each of the bouquets to know who's bouquets is who's! GREAT

 

Lauderdale Pink

I second the "like" for Simply Fated's idea!  My MIL was pushing my daughter to wear her necklace (MIL's) to the wedding.  My daughter used that for the engagement party and rehearsal dinner.  There was peace in the family.  

allispain

I think compromises can always be made. PPs have suggested some already, so I won't repeat them. I ran into a similar situation when my now MIL come over for dinner one night shortly after the proposal. She brought with her a watch that had belonged to her grandmother, handed it to me, and said it was my something borrowed for the wedding. I was a bit taken aback, but it was her way of being involved in a small fashion and it was something that was very sentimental to her. The watch had a beautiful face, but the band was black (which would look very out of place against a white dress). The compromise - it was a little bit loose on me, so I asked her if I could get the band changed out for the wedding day and then change it back to the original afterwards before returning it. She was totally fine with this idea.

In your situation, another potential compromise (besides what PPs have said) would be to work with her to design something for the wedding. Say you like a particular charm on one of her pieces, but not the piece as a whole. Gush over that charm - "This is lovely, but I'm not sure the rest of the setting works well with my neckline. What would you say to using this on a necklace that looks a bit more like X?"

pink34562000

If you see a piece that you like, how about wearing it for the rehearsal instead? You can say something like "Oh FMIL, thank you so much for thinking of me, but I already have jewelry for the wedding. I would love to wear something for the rehearsal."