blending of two families

jalu3434

Hi everyone! Im new to the the Knot and Im looking for creative ideas to blend our two wonderful families.  This means 3 children under age 11.  We would like to make them part of the ceremony with a special "something".  Ive heard of the sand idea but we'd like something different.  If anyone has any ideas let me know!!!

HisGirlFriday13

If you search the boards (function in the upper-right-hand corner), you'll find previous discussions about this.

On balance, people on the boards don't recommend doing it. You may be blending families, but your children aren't getting married and shouldn't really be participating in the ceremony. They're not being consulted about this inexplicable whim that has drawn their mommy to someone else's daddy and now they're getting new brothers and sisters.

If you want to have them as BM, GM, RB or FG, depending on their ages, that would probably be appropriate. But the ceremony is about uniting you and your FI in marriage -- not your kids.

NYCMercedes

Flower girl, ring bearer, bridesmaid or bridesman, groomsman or grooms woman, reader.

ElcaB

Like HisGirl posted, most people on here aren't big on anything incorporating children in the ceremony. Personally, I think it's a lovely gesture. At my mom's wedding, she and my stepdad had my brother, sister, and I come forward. The minister said something special and my stepdad and mom presented us each with a necklace to remind of us of their love for us. It was very heartfelt and meaningful. 

Jen4948

To reiterate, "incorporating your children in the ceremony as a family" doesn't go down well here at TheKnot. 

You and your FI are the ones with the choices about whether or not you are doing this.  Your children are not.  They may not even want to be at the ceremony, or they may just feel very shy about being expected to get up there and say things in front of a lot of people.

Children of remarrying parents often have a lot of feelings about their parents' remarriages-and they're not always going to be smiley-faced about it.  Leave them out of the ceremony in any speaking roles except reader.  If they are interested in the normal roles of flower girl, ring bearer, bridesmaid/man, groomsman/maid, usher, or reader, have them fill those roles.  But don't push them to participate if they don't wish to.

A former member of this forum says that she once attended a wedding where this was sprung on the children of the couple by previous relationships, they didn't want to do it but were publicly pressured, and it was a very painful occasion for all.

ElcaB

Jen has a good point. If you do this, be sure to ask your kids how they feel about being included.