Changing my Name

katdel13

Ya'll are too insulting.

itzMS

If that's you're actual name, you shouldn't post it on here.

Anyways, it's your name do with it what you want.

Hyphenating can be challenging (your last name won't fit on a credit card, etc).

My vote is take his name, or don't. I'm not a fan of any of the "middle ground" options, but I know a lot of other ladies are.

ETA: Aaaand that is your real name. Annddd you have a dress code on your wedding website. Uggh.

AddieCake

Please follow MS's advice and edit your post to remove your actual name. Be Princess Consuella Bananahammock or something. 

I think your fiance is being ridiculous. A name won't let you continue as a unit? Please. 

HisGirlFriday13

Ditto PPs about editing your post to not use your real names.

But here's what I'm doing. My current name is, let's say, Cindy Lou Who -- first/middle/last. When I marry FI, I'll become Cindy Who Wife -- first/maiden last as middle/his last name. 

Legally, I'll ONLY be Cindy Who Wife. I'll drop my maiden middle name -- Lou -- entirely. My initials will be CWW. I'll go by "Cindy Wife," not using my maiden-last-as-middle unless I need to use my middle name for something.

This is my decision because I'm very attached to my unique maiden name, too. It's a good compromise for us because I'm taking FI's name (important to him) and keeping my maiden as part of my name (important to me).

minskat30

I think your FI is being silly.  My name was First 1st-Middle 2nd-Middle Last (yes, I had two middle names).  My new name is First 1st-Middle Last Newname.  H could care less what I decided on though he was happy I decided to take his last name.  He made it completely my choice, as it should be as its my name.  The only reason I didn't add my previous last name onto my old name in its entirety (so as to have three middle names) is I didn't want to sound like a Princess. 

Jen4948

Tell him that it's the ceremony and the signing of your marriage license that makes you a single unit and family, not whether or not you have the same last name.

DixieDarling0154

Beware! I did exactly what you're thinking about and it has turned out to be a nightmare. Any time I fill out official paperwork (anything that requires your full name) I run into problems. They always assume that I filled the names into the wrong sections and that I'm really suppose to have a hyphenated name. When I changed my passport it was incorrect and I almost didn't get it back in time for an important trip. Or when asked for my middle initials they always think it is a name (my initials are E and L so of course I must have meant El). If I could do it again I would have either dropped my middle name and become FirstName MaidenName HisLastName or FirstName MaidenName OldMiddleName HisLastName.

I hope this helps!  

Teddy917

Tell him if he feels that you both must have the same name in order to be a unit, then he can feel free to change his.

MyNameIsNot

Your FI is being ridiculous.  Tell him he's being silly and to get over it.  A name does not make you a family or a unit.  There is no need to convince him.  Tell him it's your decision, and that's that.

Please remove the dress code from your wedding website.  It's rude.  

libby2483

DixieDarling0154 said:

Beware! I did exactly what you're thinking about and it has turned out to be a nightmare. Any time I fill out official paperwork (anything that requires your full name) I run into problems. They always assume that I filled the names into the wrong sections and that I'm really suppose to have a hyphenated name. When I changed my passport it was incorrect and I almost didn't get it back in time for an important trip. Or when asked for my middle initials they always think it is a name (my initials are E and L so of course I must have meant El). If I could do it again I would have either dropped my middle name and become FirstName MaidenName HisLastName or FirstName MaidenName OldMiddleName HisLastName.

I hope this helps!  

I did what you are thinking of doing, OP, and I have never had any of the problems described by PP.  So, I wouldn't let the possibility of these problems dissuade you.  Also, your FI is being absolutely ridiculous.

libby2483

scribe95 said:

Libby - is your name as long as hers would be? Cause I know for a fact 30+ characters won't fit into our state's BMV system.

No, my name isn't as long as hers.  It is 23 letters.  I guess that there are so few things that I need to actually write out both middle names on that it hasn't been a problem for me.  Aside from my SS card and my driver's license, most things are just middle initials, so I've never run into a problem.

JoanE2012

OP - Do whatever you want with your name, but please, remove it from your post!  It's a public forum and you don't want your personal info out there.  It was very easy to find your wedding website.  And, like PPs mentioned, please remove the dress code from your site.  It's highly insulting to adults to assume they don't know how to dress for a wedding and dictate what they should and should not wear.

katdel13

libby2483

katdel13 said:

Wow...thanks for some rude comments.

I have a dress code because I have redneck relatives who would show up in a swimsuit. NO JOKE.

I don't think that anyone was rude to you. In fact, several people, myself included, gave you very helpful advice.  Those giving you the tip to remove the dress code from your website were doing so to prevent you from committing an etiquette mistake.  Dictating guests' attire is very rude; if your "redneck" relatives show up in inappropriate attire, they will look silly, not you.  Trust me, I had relatives wear attire that was too casual to my wedding, and I didn't even notice until I looked at pictures afterwards.  

HisGirlFriday13

We weren't rude. We told you not to use your real name, which was a safety precaution, and we gave useful advice on your name change.

The fact that you didn't like the unsolicited advice does not make us rude. It makes you petty to have DD'd you post. (Which, btw, none of us quoted in an effort to protect your privacy, which you failed to do).

southernbelle0915

No one quoted, NOBODY? Damn.

Well OP, from what I can gather from PPs, your FI is pressuring you to change your last name. I got pressure from H and his family. I did not change mine. It's a personal choice and no one's but yours. H told me his main concern was wanting us to have one family name. I offered to hyphenate if he also hyphenated - he declined. I offered to take a piece of my name and a piece of his name and come up with a brand new last name - he declined. I offered for him to take my last name - he declined. 

To nix all the offered options was his choice and the result is that I kept my name and he kept his. He had lots of options to satisfy his main concern of having one family name and declined all of them. I would offer these to your FH. If he declines, then it was his choice not to have a family name.

HisGirlFriday13

@southernbelle0915: None of quoted because OP stupidly used her REAL NAME in her OP and in case she came back to edit, our quoting would have kept her real name on display. I suppose we could have quoted and changed it.

Anyway. Her real name is unique and special to her; think Claudette N. van Hausen (not her real name, but the characters and modifiers are close).

She doesn't want to drop her maiden name (van Hausen), but she does want to take FI's name (Walker, lets's say), and how could she do that?

We all gave her advice on that (including TAKING HER REAL NAME OUT OF THE POST) but since she DID use her real name, some people googled her wedding website and found out she has a gap and a dress code listed on the website.

So basically, we're mean for being helpful. But no, she's not getting pressured from her FI's family to change her name.

HTH!

southernbelle0915

HisGirlFriday13 said:

@southernbelle0915: None of quoted because OP stupidly used her REAL NAME in her OP and in case she came back to edit, our quoting would have kept her real name on display. I suppose we could have quoted and changed it. Anyway. Her real name is unique and special to her; think Claudette N. van Hausen (not her real name, but the characters and modifiers are close). She doesn't want to drop her maiden name (van Hausen), but she does want to take FI's name (Walker, lets's say), and how could she do that? We all gave her advice on that (including TAKING HER REAL NAME OUT OF THE POST) but since she DID use her real name, some people googled her wedding website and found out she has a gap and a dress code listed on the website. So basically, we're mean for being helpful. But no, she's not getting pressured from her FI's family to change her name. HTH!

ah ha! Thank you for the update. 

If those were the real names, they both should change their names to Walsen. Done and done.