Inviting my future MIL to my dress fitting? Good or Bad idea.

LizzandJohn2015

Saying my future MIL hates me is probably the understatement of the year. Frankly, she doesn't like my FI either, but says "well, there's nothing I can do about it because he's my blood" (the woman has even admitted to wishing she had had an abortion!!) We both would like to open the doors of communication, but have found this very stressful to do. We drove out to their home, around 75 miles away, just to tell them we we're finally getting married! She offered us the amount of money it would take to plan the wedding in cash, to just sneak off and not tell anyone. But regardless- she is his mother and there is the hopeful want of a future relationship. 

I thought it might be nice to invite her to my first dress fitting, maybe, show her that I am interested in being closer to her. Good or bad idea?? 


And I know it might seem like I am focusing only on the negative side of her, but I can't think of any positive she has brought to the table. She has banned me from Christmas at her house because my FI and I are "living in sin", together before marriage. Like one time at Mardi Gras, she was wasted and untangled my hair from some beads. That is the extent of our relationship. (And no, I dont know what I did!!??)

MobKaz

Who else would you be bringing along?  You also have to consider the dynamics between your FMIL and anyone else in attendance.  If FMIL started in on negativity, do you have a friend that would defend you/insult FMIL/cause a scene?  Would it cause a problem with your mom?  

I personally think shopping for a wedding gown should only include people who will be positive and supportive, and make for a fun shopping experience.  Once you have chosen a gown, you could invite FMIL to join you when the gown arrives.  That way, if she tries to be negative, it will not ruin your shopping experience.  

HisGirlFriday13

I'm in the "no" camp. Trying on wedding dresses is stressful enough with happy, cheerful people who love you. Negative people are going to make an already fraught situation worse.

Also, I'm a big believer in actions have consequences. Her action is behaving badly toward you and her son; the consequence is that she doesn't get included in fun things.

doeydo

I don't see how this would be a good idea.  Clearly she isn't supportive of your relationship, of the fact that you are getting married, or having  "big wedding" instead of eloping.  She also sounds very hateful towards you and somewhat towards her own son.  Bring people who will make the experience fun or people you truly want to share this with.  For instance, I would bring my mother because she is very supportive of me and I would like her to see me in the dress, getting pinned, etc.  If you want to try to include her in some wedding planning things, perhaps you could invite her to a cake tasting or something else.

LizzandJohn2015

I don't see how this would be a good idea.  Clearly she isn't supportive of your relationship, of the fact that you are getting married, or having  "big wedding" instead of eloping.  She also sounds very hateful towards you and somewhat towards her own son.  Bring people who will make the experience fun or people you truly want to share this with.  For instance, I would bring my mother because she is very supportive of me and I would like her to see me in the dress, getting pinned, etc.  If you want to try to include her in some wedding planning things, perhaps you could invite her to a cake tasting or something else.

Thanks everyone for the opinions. That ^ is probably a better idea. I was thinking a dress fitting, since by then the dress will already ordered by that point and it's just getting to see me in my dress and it's all women at that point. And Im always prepared for her to say no, might be for the best anyway. But I would still like to be the bigger person and put the invitation out there, to whatever I finally invite her too

LizzandJohn2015

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I'm in the "no" camp. Trying on wedding dresses is stressful enough with happy, cheerful people who love you. Negative people are going to make an already fraught situation worse.

Also, I'm a big believer in actions have consequences. Her action is behaving badly toward you and her son; the consequence is that she doesn't get included in fun things.

I agree and I thought like that for a while. But I also feel that if I want to give this a shot, I should put the invitation out in the air and see what happens. Hopefully a few friends and my mom will be able to put her in her place! 

OH AND I LOVEEEEE YOUR UNICORN!

ksblumb

I would say no. My MIL is super negative (towards me, but towards the entire world as well) and I have always tried to go out of my way to include her in things and try to strengthen the relationship. When it came to wedding planning I would fill her in or ask her opinion, and get negative comments. I wanted to invite her to a dress fitting, but chose against it. Ultimately, I wanted happy and supportive people around me, and she didn't fall into that group.

kp53114

I agree with the other posters.  It's great that you are willing to try to work on a relationship with your future MIL, but your fitting is not the time to do it.  You would be stressed about her rather than focusing on the task at hand.  Maybe you can start small, like inviting her to coffee and using that opportunity to loop her in on the wedding plans??  

[Deleted User]

I vote no. I think you have the best of intentions by wanting to invite her. My concern is that she will verbally rip apart your dress choice which then might make you second guess your choice and feel bad and that isn't what should happen. I agree with other PP, try to include her on other things like offer to go dress shopping with her for her dress. Ask her what her favorite flowers (for her corsage), talk to her about the guest list, etc. At least then you are including her which will down the road may mean a lot to her. And if it doesn't, you did your best to try.

MDbride1012

 I would say no. I invited my mom the first time I went to look at wedding dresses and she was so critical that I didn't even enjoy myself. I had to leave and come back with a more supportive group later.

Fernella

Just don't do it!!!!  The fitting will be an ideal opportunity for your MIL to sabotage your experience.  If she hates you then you can't change that.  You can't change people's feelings!!!