Immature mom

Hendrix13

So my mom has many insecurities. my fiancé and I are planning the wedding and paying mostly ourselves. With that being said, my mom and I have an a strained relationship because she acts very immature for her age. I act more mature than she more than 90% of the time. Since she is this way, I try to keep her at a distance until she can mature. Yesterday she calls fussing at me bc she doesn't understand why I stay away. I explained how I felt and the reasons why. We were on the phone for 20 minutes and I may have been able to speak for 2 minutes. Once the conversion is closely done, she says its my fault for restrained relationship and should attend therapy. Um no bc I'm leveled headed and understand things clearly. Anyways later she texts me a few questions about wedding details. I answer truthfully and quickly as I can. Today she does the same thing but goes too far. She asked a few questions again today , so I answer all except one. The last text she sends me I see but busy at the moment and can't answer. Later today I find out my mom goes up to my mother in laws job unexpected to ask questions and see where they are on it. At the same time, she asks them to set a date for all attend dinner all while my mother n law is busy working.

My question is how I inform my mom what she did by unexpectedly showing at mother n law occupation is WRONG????
Please help!
How do I fix this??????

mrsbizzz

I have to say that it was a bit hard to follow your post. I strongly recommend reading something through before you post it.

My advice? Never, ever have lengthy conversations via text. Tone and inflection are lost, often leading to misunderstandings on both sides. If your mom texts you again regarding details of the wedding, say that the planning is going smoothly, you will ask for help if you need it, and that she will know the things she needs to know when she needs to know them. If she presses you, just say you would be happy to talk to her over the phone regarding her issues and questions. Regarding approaching your FMIL, all you can do is ask her not to repeat the behavior and apologize to you FMIL.

Bottom line is that you are financing the affair, so she doesn't really get a say. This is even more true because you have a strained relationship.

Hendrix13

Sorry it's hard to read. I found out about her behavior late lady night and could not express my thoughts clearly. My mother knows I absolutely hated this behavior. She has done this before. When I found out what she did, I expressed how
embarrassing it was for to learn it and how
uncomfortable it is for my mother n law. I have not
introduce my mom to my soon to be in laws
because she has way to be insecurities and will get upset about something in a split second to where she will be mad at me for whatever reason. Another reason I just don't trust my mom point blank. I know she will say something inapproipiate and make everyone uncomfortable. She just so immature. I can't stand it.

heidirs731

It's sounds like your mom has some definite immaturity issues, but it also sounds like she feels strained because you are purposefully keeping her at a distance and she would like to be involved. I agree her showing up at FMIL's work was bad, but could it have been avoided if she was more in the loop?

Your mom seems to have a behavioral problem, but the two of you also seem to have a relationship problem with her being destructive/embarrassing when she doesn't get what she wants from you and with your idea that keeping her at a distance will force her to mature (it won't). 

I think she showed some maturity in suggesting therapy. You've admitted yourself that your relationship is strained. Therapy might actually help the two of you find a balance in your relationship, instead of you pushing her away and her doing embarrassing things to get your attention.