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Just Engaged and Proposals

Recently engaged, but I don't know how to break the news...

Over vacation, my now fiancé, proposed. I knew that it was going to happen since we already went and picked out our rings. Also, only his best friend and mine are aware that we are now engaged. I want to tell my parents first and then his, but there are a few things that I'm worried about...

The first one is that he doesn't have his license or a vehicle yet. This is because when he was younger he didn't bother to get it in high school then went off into the Army (which, unfortunately, didn't work out for him). But there really hasn't been anyone around that has been willing to help him try and get his license til I came along. It's a slow process right now because we work opposite schedules (He works days, I work nights). Because of this, I don't know how my parents are going to react. I know that they like him and already treat him as one of the family, but I don't know if this will effect their reaction.

The second reason as to why I'm worried is because of his parents. They have had issues with me for no reason since we started dating. His dad even went to far as to call me a gold digger before, claiming that if I broke up with him they would know that I succeeded in taking his money. Now, I've never been interested in his money. When I was unemployed I only asked for gas money whenever we would go places for our dates. I actually hated that he would spend money on me when I couldn't do the same for him. Once, earlier this year, his mom even went through one of his bills for a jewelry store. She flipped out on him saying thing like, "Why are you getting HER a ring?"
Because of this, I hate being at his house when his parents are home or even talking with them because I know that they'll be nice to my face but talk crap later.

So because of all this, I'm nervous to tell my parents then his. There really is no reason to be nervous with my mom, but can someone give me some advice on how to break the news?


Thanks. :)

Re: Recently engaged, but I don't know how to break the news...

  • My only advice is to break the news with confidence. If your parents sense nervousness, or guilt, they will think something is wrong and think they have a reason to be concerned. If you both break the news with confidence and joy, that you know this union is a good thing, they have no room to talk. They may think things behind your back for a while. But, really, it doesn't matter. You both know your relationship, and what is right for you, and if they think you are a gold digger, all you can do is continue proving them wrong, and proving your devotion to their son. Eventually they may come around when they realize this is for real and they are stuck with you ;)

    If your only complaint about your fiance is that he doesn't have a drivers license, I think you will be just fine. That's an easy fix, and if anyone thinks that's a reason not to marry the guy, that is laughable.

    Be proud of your man, and your engagement, and go share the joy with your loved ones already!
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    KEB0511 said:
    Over vacation, my now fiancé, proposed. I knew that it was going to happen since we already went and picked out our rings. Also, only his best friend and mine are aware that we are now engaged. I want to tell my parents first and then his, but there are a few things that I'm worried about...

    The first one is that he doesn't have his license or a vehicle yet. This is because when he was younger he didn't bother to get it in high school then went off into the Army (which, unfortunately, didn't work out for him). But there really hasn't been anyone around that has been willing to help him try and get his license til I came along. It's a slow process right now because we work opposite schedules (He works days, I work nights). Because of this, I don't know how my parents are going to react. I know that they like him and already treat him as one of the family, but I don't know if this will effect their reaction.

    The second reason as to why I'm worried is because of his parents. They have had issues with me for no reason since we started dating. His dad even went to far as to call me a gold digger before, claiming that if I broke up with him they would know that I succeeded in taking his money. Now, I've never been interested in his money. When I was unemployed I only asked for gas money whenever we would go places for our dates. I actually hated that he would spend money on me when I couldn't do the same for him. Once, earlier this year, his mom even went through one of his bills for a jewelry store. She flipped out on him saying thing like, "Why are you getting HER a ring?"
    Because of this, I hate being at his house when his parents are home or even talking with them because I know that they'll be nice to my face but talk crap later.

    So because of all this, I'm nervous to tell my parents then his. There really is no reason to be nervous with my mom, but can someone give me some advice on how to break the news?


    Thanks. :)

    What does it mean that the Army didn't work out for him? Was he dishonorably discharged? Bc that would be a huge problem.

    Has he talked to his parents about the way they treat you? Does he stand up for you when his mom starts ragging on you?

    I get the strange feeling that this is a FI problem and not really related to a license or his mom.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I'd be really surprised if your parents focused on whether or not he had a driver's license vs. the fact that their daughter is getting married. 

    If you're doing it in person, let him tell them and be there for support. Ignore their unkind words if it comes to that - if you have the support of your FI and he stands up to them for you, I wouldn't worry about anything else.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Doing it in person would be best, even better if he were to tell your parents. If you are doing it over the phone then make sure to sound confident and sure about your decision but not confrontational. Again, support each other if things take a turn for the worse, stand by each other's side. Good luck!

  • When you tell them make sure they see how happy and excited you both are. Do not bring up any negative things. This is suppose to be a happy and exciting time for every one.
  • When I said the Army didn't work out for him was that he couldn't run fast enough for their standards, so they just generally discharged him.

    He has talked to his parents about how they talk about me, but they still do it to some extent when they don't know that he can hear him.

    Now I have told my mom, and she of course is happy for me. I don't know why I was nervous about telling her. My brother actually got more excited than my mom (he thinks he gets to plan the bachelor party for my fiancé..)

    Now the only thing that we have to worry about is telling his parents. We're both not sure how to tell them or how they're gonna react.
    NYCMercedes
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