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Guests who are telling me they will be late but not sure how late...

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Re: Guests who are telling me they will be late but not sure how late...

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    As someone who is getting married in just a few months, I can imagine how frustrating it will be to have people waffling like this, so I'm sorry you're dealing with this issue.  However, there are two things to consider here and I have to address the fact that PP said if someone really cares about your wedding they will make is a priority to be there on time and that's it.

    1. Your wedding is on a Friday night, that's a work day.  You don't know what other people's situations are like at work (ie, how much vacation time, etc) they get, and if they are even in a position where they CAN get off or leave early  (what if two co-workers are already out that day?).  

    2. At least they are sounding like they are coming to your wedding at some point!  Obviously they want to be there!

    3. Depending on the field you are in, you don't always have control of your work day and the ability to punch out and leave at 5pm sharp.  I'm in the medical field.  Ask me how often I get to leave at my scheduled end of shift.  Ummm...that would be a big fat "pretty much never."  Trust me, I'd love if I had more control of that!

    Have chairs and meals for them.  If they don't make it, keep the food warm somewhere.  Take the higher road.  If they don't know if they are coming at all, that's a different story.  If they are coming at some point, be grateful they are and be the classy hostess.  You'll have so many other things to focus on that day! 
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    As someone who is getting married in just a few months, I can imagine how frustrating it will be to have people waffling like this, so I'm sorry you're dealing with this issue.  However, there are two things to consider here and I have to address the fact that PP said if someone really cares about your wedding they will make is a priority to be there on time and that's it.


    1. Your wedding is on a Friday night, that's a work day.  You don't know what other people's situations are like at work (ie, how much vacation time, etc) they get, and if they are even in a position where they CAN get off or leave early  (what if two co-workers are already out that day?).  

    2. At least they are sounding like they are coming to your wedding at some point!  Obviously they want to be there!

    3. Depending on the field you are in, you don't always have control of your work day and the ability to punch out and leave at 5pm sharp.  I'm in the medical field.  Ask me how often I get to leave at my scheduled end of shift.  Ummm...that would be a big fat "pretty much never."  Trust me, I'd love if I had more control of that!

    Have chairs and meals for them.  If they don't make it, keep the food warm somewhere.  Take the higher road.  If they don't know if they are coming at all, that's a different story.  If they are coming at some point, be grateful they are and be the classy hostess.  You'll have so many other things to focus on that day! 
    All of this. With my job there is no way I could ever give a 100% yes to a Friday wedding because I don't have set hours. There are times I could leave the office early on Friday and other times where I might be there close to midnight. I have no way of knowing for sure that I won't get slammed on a Friday and have to stay late. There isnt really a way for me to schedule around this; its not uncommon for people in my line of work to have to cancel vacations at the last minute. If someone insisted that I give a definite answer, the answer would have to be 'no'

    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    Although I don't completely disagree with many of these points, I'm going to go against the grain a bit here.  The bride is not the only one here who needs to "make the educated guess", "take the higher road", or "plan for the worst case scenario".  

    The guest also has a responsibility to be thoughtful and decisive.  Knowing what costs are involved for the wedding couple, I would never take a "calculated risk".  I would make arrangements with my work to make it possible to attend all  of the reception.  If that would not be possible, and I knew that there was a GOOD chance I would miss dinner, I would RSVP "decline".  I would add a note stating that I would be able to attend the dancing/drinking portion of the evening.  

    If you fault the day of the week the wedding is being held, simply don't go.  But don't be a martyr and complain about how hard it is to attend, the sacrifices you are making, and that you may or may not be able to get there on time.  The wedding couple made their choices, and the guest can make their choice.  
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    @mobkaz and Lobster:

    Just to be clear, I'm not saying that the guest should be able to say "maybe" to the whole wedding. They should say, I'm coming to your wedding or I'm not. This is just about having to come, but arrive late, and as Scribe mentioned, when it's your job to handle things that walk in 2 minutes before close, what is one to do?  Get fired?  


    What I'm saying is that, yes, it's not all on the bride, but as Scribe said, trying to make it sound so easy for people to just take off of work or change their schedule is unfair.  Especially right now with the way the economy and jobs are.  

    So, if a person does manage to get off work on time and can get to the dinner portion, if you had already had them tell you "no" just because there was a chance they'd be late, then what?  Now they have to stand outside of the building until the reception because you don't have a spot for them?  Now that looks terrible on the bride's part.

    What you're paying for is the food/the plate, so if they get there and you have it on the side or if they still come to the reception, it's not like you're losing money.

    As NYCBruin said, if someone insisted on an answer, I'd have to say, no.  I missed about 80% of a bridal shower once on a Saturday because I had to do an emergency surgery.  It came in 15 minutes before I was supposed to leave.  Nobody else was there with me, so it was only me available to do it.  I felt terrible that I missed so much of the shower, but the other choice was a lawsuit or losing my job, so.......

    I'm not trying to sound like a jerk here, just trying to make some points.
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    @Patrice, you don't sound like a jerk at all.  As I said, I don't completely disagree with many of the points made on this thread.  

    I personally would rather decline the dinner portion rather than risk the bride being out $100+ for wasted meals.  If my work situation changed and I was able to leave sooner than later, I would simply have dinner on my own, and arrive at what I think would be a "safe" time.  As the host, if only 1 or 2 people required this accommodation, I would absolutely make this exception for them. However, when multiple people respond in this way, it can get out of control quickly.

    The other issue is that, if, as a guest, my day went way longer than it should have, it may sour my mood to the point where all I want to do is go home and call it a day.  

    Reception venues cannot "hold" meals for an indefinite amount of time, either.  At some point, food safety will become an issue.  At another point, the venue kitchen staff will need to clean up.  

    My point is that a guest should respond in a considerate and decisive way.
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    @mobkaz, thanks!  I see your points too!  
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    mobkaz said:

    @Patrice, you don't sound like a jerk at all.  As I said, I don't completely disagree with many of the points made on this thread.  


    I personally would rather decline the dinner portion rather than risk the bride being out $100+ for wasted meals.  If my work situation changed and I was able to leave sooner than later, I would simply have dinner on my own, and arrive at what I think would be a "safe" time.  As the host, if only 1 or 2 people required this accommodation, I would absolutely make this exception for them. However, when multiple people respond in this way, it can get out of control quickly.

    The other issue is that, if, as a guest, my day went way longer than it should have, it may sour my mood to the point where all I want to do is go home and call it a day.  

    Reception venues cannot "hold" meals for an indefinite amount of time, either.  At some point, food safety will become an issue.  At another point, the venue kitchen staff will need to clean up.  

    My point is that a guest should respond in a considerate and decisive way.

    I can see where you're coming from with a lot of your points, I just know that for me personally I am never able to commit 100% to anything, even Saturday weddings. That's just the nature of my job. I always do everything in my power to try to attend, but if a host/bride always required a 100% yes or no I would never be able to say yes to anything. I always do my best to keep people posted about whether I will be able to make something or not, but the nature of my job (and many others) isn't as simple as just "requesting time off." I don't think that was what you were saying but other posters had suggested similar things and I felt I had to say something. Knowing this, the bride side of me is totally fine with the handful of "maybes" we will get. I would rather them try to attend/be there for part of the evening than just write the entire night off because I insisted they give me a firm yes or no to try to save money.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    Grabows14 said:

    everyone has said what I was going to say, I'm just confused why people feel the need to add in "we are paying for it ourselves".  How does that ever change the situation? 

    Because it's fine to break the budget if it's someone else's money, OF COURSE.


    Um no they know exactly how much they can afford and should have planned accordingly by inviting the number of people they could afford instead of hoping people don't RSVP.
    Was my sarcasm lost on you?
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