Opinions Needed Please!!!! Memorial Candle at Wedding

mmiele1127

Hello Knotties, I am in need of opinions please!!!!  I recently lost my father and with that loss we decided to do a memorial candle for all the immediate family members we have lost.  We will have pictures around the candle and are going to light the candle before we do the dinner prayer and have the dj ask for a moment of silence for those we have lost while we light the candle.  I was thinking of having the dj announce the names of the people we would like to remember for example, for our grandparents and their names, aunts and uncles and their names and my dad's name.  I thought it would be nice.  My fiancée thinks it would be tacky and uncomfortable for our guests.  He also feels that it would take away from the happiness of our event.  Neither one of us have been to a wedding where anyone did a memorial candle so we are both assuming on this topic.  Anyone been to a wedding where a memorial was done or had one done at their wedding?  What did you feel about it, what did your guest feel about it?  Any advice/insight anyone can give will be greatly appreciated.  This has been a hot topic and I want to ensure we are making the right decision on this.  Thank you!<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

[Deleted User]

I agree but don't agree with your FI. I don't think it's tacky to mention all the names, but I do think it will be uncomfortable for people as it will then seem more of a memorial service instead of a day to celebrate a happy event. I do like the moment of silence to remeber ones who are no longer with us. That gives all the guests a chance to remember someone who is important to them that is longer with them.

I know for myself, if I had to light a candle and hear the names of the ones I love that aren't with me on one of the biggest days of my life, add that to an already emotional day, I would end up just crying and turn into a big mess. Which then kind of puts a damper on the rest of the night.

I personally think, doing a private thing earlier in the day with your mom and possibly a few other family members might be more fitting. It isn't uncommon now a days for brides/grooms to stop at the graves of loves ones passed to have a private moment to remember them.

Sorry about the loss of your father, good luck!!

ashcolyer

First I'm very sorry for your loss. 

I think the candle idea is very nice. You obviously want to make your dad a part of the day in some way. From a guest perspective I don't think there would be a dry eye in the house. Is that how you want a "celebration" to start? Only you and your FI can decide that. Perhaps you can find a middle ground together?

Since 3 sets of our grandparents have passed we are having a small table with a candle and pictures of them at the reception. Guests will see it as they walk by so we don't feel the need to explain it further. Additionally their names will be said as part of our ceremony (a choice we made with our priest). 

mlg78

I agree with your fiancé that it'll make people uncomfortable.  Announcing the names is NOT appropriate for a celebration like this.  I put on an event remembering people who have died of cancer every fall and I announce the names...this is what it reminded me of...or when they've read off the names of those who have died in 9/11.  Your wedding is a celebration.  Choose the ways you remember those you've lost carefully.  Given that your father's passing is so recent, this could quite possibly upset you quite a bit when you hear his name.  I lost my dad when I was 19 (15 years ago) and I know I'd burst into tears.

I'm having my dad be a part of my day by having his picture in a little frame that will be attached to my bouquet and at the reception in the lobby there will be a candle with pictures of my dad, my grandparents, my fiancé's uncle and my fiancé's grandfather.  Announcements would be inappropriate.

[Deleted User]

My Fiance and I have several people who are no longer with us that we would have loved to have been a part of our wedding. We are going to have a vase with a flower for each family member who has passed and explain it at the end of our program. That way, people will understand without having to make everyone feel sad all at once. I agree with the other ladies that it will probably make everyone sad and emotional and that is not a good way to start a party. I would say have the candles with the pictures lit during your ceremony or reception but don't anounce each name.

mmiele1127

Thanks Ladies, I appreciate all the thoughts, it has helped me realize that naming off the names would be too much for a wedding.