What should i do?

mfarfan2126

Traditionally I think the groom's parents are supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner if my parents and I are paying for the wedding. My question is how do I ask them? My parents have been asking me since they have out of town guests that are asking them. I'm pretty awkward in situations where I have to ask for something so i'm not sure how to do it.  What should i do? Halp!

MobKaz

You plan for the rehearsal dinner as if you were paying for it yourself. It is never appropriate to ask for money under any circumstance. If your FIL's volunteer to pay for it, you can graciously accept. However, understand that as hosts, your FIL's have the say in who attends, as well as the location and type of dinner planned. Why would OOT guests have any reason to inquire about the rehearsal dinner?

NYCMercedes

mfarfan2126 said:

Traditionally I think the groom's parents are supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner if my parents and I are paying for the wedding. My question is how do I ask them? My parents have been asking me since they have out of town guests that are asking them. I'm pretty awkward in situations where I have to ask for something so i'm not sure how to do it.  What should i do? Halp!

@mobkaz gave perfect advice.

mfarfan2126

So then there doesn't necessarily have to be a rehearsal dinner @mobkaz @nycmercedes

I definitely can't afford to host anything else. My family and I are pinching pennies at this point.

MobKaz

mfarfan2126 said:

So then there doesn't necessarily have to be a rehearsal dinner @mobkaz @nycmercedes

I definitely can't afford to host anything else. My family and I are pinching pennies at this point.

Absolutely there does NOT have to be a rehearsal dinner.  Unless you are having an unconventional or unusual ceremony, there truly is little to rehearse that can't be accomplished the last half hour prior to the start of the wedding.  If you are familiar with the ceremony location and set-up, you can familiarize your wedding party via pictures and/or comments to them a week or two prior to the wedding.  If you have friends or family reading something, you can send them the text ahead of time via email.   

And, if not having a rehearsal concerns you or causes stress, please understand that the "dinner" can be as simple as pizza and soda in your own backyard.

mfarfan2126

Thanks @mobcaz...i really appreciate the feedback! It might be nice to host a little dinner at home

emmyg65

I like mobcaz's advice. FWIW, we're not doing a rehearsal dinner (no rehearsal!), but my parents are hosting a casual get-together for our out-of-town family and his family is doing the same for theirs. I think one is just lasagna, bread and salad, and the other is grilled chicken thighs and salad, so no great labor or expense. We had nothing to do with either events; our parents just wanted to see more of their families so they planned the gatherings.

klbrengle

mfarfan2126 said:

So then there doesn't necessarily have to be a rehearsal dinner @mobkaz @nycmercedes

I definitely can't afford to host anything else. My family and I are pinching pennies at this point.

A rehearsal dinner doesn't have to be expensive. You are thanking the people who as attended the rehearsal. Pizza or BBQ is fine. Plan what you can afford. If someone offers to pay, great! If not, no biggie. OOT guests do not have to be invited.

Jen4948

@Mobkaz has it right-either you pay for the rehearsal dinner yourself or wait for someone, your FILs or someone else, to throw one for you.

Your FILs may never step up and offer to throw you one, and if they do, it's up to them as hosts to decide who is invited (at least the wedding party and immediate family members and their SOs should be), the location, and the menu.  If you aren't happy with what they offer, you can certainly decline.  But if you want veto power over these decisions, you need to host the dinner yourself. 

As PPs have mentioned, it doesn't have to be an expensive meal at a fine-dining restaurant; it can be a backyard barbecue, pizza, sandwiches, or whatever fits in your budget.  But if you do have a rehearsal (only required if required by your officiant/house of worship), hospitality has to be provided to those in attendance.

Viczaesar

mfarfan2126 said:

So then there doesn't necessarily have to be a rehearsal dinner @mobkaz @nycmercedes

I definitely can't afford to host anything else. My family and I are pinching pennies at this point.

If you have a rehearsal you have to have a dinner.  If you don't have a rehearsal you can also skip the dinner.

talesenicole

Also:  It isn't anyone's business who pays for what.  They're being rude by asking. 

SoreyFitness

I totally agree-- and glad to know it isn't completely necessary anymore!

Kristin789

Where I live, the groom's parents take this very seriously.  MOGs will travel with FOG to the wedding location for a 3-day weekend, scout out four possible RD locations and do tastings and talk about menu options and napkin colors, etc.  Then they will choose which RD location, and go back there to finalize all details including cost, menu, napkin colors, etc.  And I'm talking about flying from Florida where I live to Baltimore and to Vermont. 

And if the groom's parents did NOT host an RD, that would be a huge red flag, since that's the only thing they host in a whole weekend of stuff hosted by and paid for by the bride's parents.

MobKaz

Kristin789 said:

Where I live, the groom's parents take this very seriously.  MOGs will travel with FOG to the wedding location for a 3-day weekend, scout out four possible RD locations and do tastings and talk about menu options and napkin colors, etc.  Then they will choose which RD location, and go back there to finalize all details including cost, menu, napkin colors, etc.  And I'm talking about flying from Florida where I live to Baltimore and to Vermont. 

And if the groom's parents did NOT host an RD, that would be a huge red flag, since that's the only thing they host in a whole weekend of stuff hosted by and paid for by the bride's parents.

This advice??  It is the only red flag I see!!  

NYCMercedes

Advice from the seventies, perhaps.