BM's Wedding is 2 Weeks After Mine

kgd7357

One of my friends got engaged about 6 months before me, but due to some potential delays to her wedding, she didn’t let anyone know the date right away. When I got engaged in June, we booked right away, since you must book summer weddings in big cities (DC for us) a year out, or you are out of luck with your top venue picks. When she finally gave the date, it was the same one as ours. Luckily we called the venue and the couple that originally booked two weeks earlier cancelled. Since that was the last date available until October, we grabbed it. I leave the military in September and will begin a new job starting out with no leave, so a Fall wedding is not really feasible.

My friend totally understood, as I explained the situation, and was just happy that we didn’t have a dueling wedding situation. My friend has sisters and several close female cousins that will be serving as her bridesmaids. However, I do not have sisters nor close female cousins. As such, I asked my four closest friends, including this one, to be my bridesmaids. She was honored I asked, and said that it wasn’t a problem at all.

Now here is my dilemma. I am so happy she accepted, but I don’t want to overburden her with my plans when she is making her own. For example, I just started looking at bridesmaid dresses (still 10 months away from the wedding), is it okay to start asking her opinion? I have no idea if she’s even thought about it for her maids. Fortunately, I have a super helpful MOH and one in-town bridesmaid that I’ve been able to bounce ideas off of. However, I don’t want my other friend to feel left out. What is the right balance for drawing the line between exclusion and being considerate of her day?

Teddy917

All she is required to do as a BM is show up in the dress on time.

heidirs731

I would simply ask her how much she wants to be involved. Tell her you know she's busy planning her own wedding and you don't want to put any extra pressure on her, but you also don't want her to feel left out. Let her choose her level of involvement.

allispain

Don't make any assumptions about not wanting to help you plan or having time to help you plan. Instead, ask her how much she would like to be involved in your planning process.

It's totally possible that even if she weren't planning a wedding of her own, she might not want to help out with everything you might expect. It's also totally possible that she might want to help out even more because you will both be in the same stages of planning right around the same time, and will be able to bounce ideas off of each other. You never know - one of my BMs got married a month after I did, and she was extremely helpful the entire process because she wanted to get involved.

J9lawrence

So, I know it isn't exactly the same scenario but my future sister in law and I planned our weddings at the same time and they were two months apart from each other.  Personally, I never at all felt like we were competing or not excited for each other.  It was nice to have somebody in the same position as myself and we had a lot of fun planning together.  Her wedding has just happened, mine will be happening soon and they will both be very different and unique.

kgd7357

allispain said:

Don't make any assumptions about not wanting to help you plan or having time to help you plan. Instead, ask her how much she would like to be involved in your planning process.

It's totally possible that even if she weren't planning a wedding of her own, she might not want to help out with everything you might expect. It's also totally possible that she might want to help out even more because you will both be in the same stages of planning right around the same time, and will be able to bounce ideas off of each other. You never know - one of my BMs got married a month after I did, and she was extremely helpful the entire process because she wanted to get involved.

Thanks for the advice. I think I'm going to just have a phone date to talk about both weddings. Then I can get an idea of her interest and maybe get some tips!

melbelleup

My brothers and my wedding are 3 weeks a part. All my FSIL is entitled to do is buy the dress and show up. I know she'll do more though. Sadly because of it though, I won't be able to attend her bridal shower because I live 8 hours away and one of my showers is the weekend before hers. She understands this though and is perfectly fine with it. My wedding is in June and I have already picked out my dress and BMs dresses. Actually, my BMs, other than one, have already ordered their dresses too, but that was their choice, not mine. I'd just try to get most out of the way ahead of time.  My FSIL and I do bounce ideas off of each other though so it's fun to plan together.