Fiances family complaining

ali3304

My fiance and I are almost 3 weeks engaged and the opinions have already started from his side.  We've chosen to get married in his home state and not mine, and even though most of my family will have to travel 5 hours they are all ecstatic for the big day in early April.  His immediate family, with the exception of my FFIL, are less than happy.  It's been nothing but complaints or comments about the date we've chosen.  "It's Spring Break I can't get the time off" "Why don't you wait until next September? You can save money." "Why are you having more engagement pictures when you had a mini session at family pictures?"  It's been nonstop, and quite frankly my Fiance has about had it.  No one has been supportive and done nothing but make snarky comments let alone take an interest in any decisions we've made.  I've personally taken the high road and kept planning as I should be.  But what do we do?  I'm just looking for opinions on how to handle this because it's driving my Fiance to the point of saying "If you don't like it don't come" and that's going to get us no where quick.  I'm going dress shopping at the end of the month and scared to ask my FMIL to go in fear she will make comments to my mom who will be livid. 

Any suggestions are welcome!

Maggie0829

Well who is paying for the wedding?  If you and your FI are financing your wedding then there is no reason to have to share any plans with anyone.  If they aren't contributing they don't have a say.  And if you don't share your plans with them then they can't comment.

So if they aren't paying then stop talking to them about the wedding from this point forward.  If they do ask you about it just say "yeah, we have it under control" or if they suggest something  just say "thanks, we will take that into consideration" and then quickly forget about it.

KeptInStitches

I would try to keep bean dipping as much as possible. If you refuse to engage them, with any luck they'll have to let it go. And you don't have to invite your FMIL along dress shopping, especially if you think she'll make the process unpleasant for you.

ali3304

I guess I should have mentioned that myself and FI are going to try pay for as much as possible.  We don't plan and never have planned on asking either side of our families for help with paying for the wedding. That is with the exception of my parents who are going to help as much as they financially can, but I don't go asking for money. They, my FI's family, are control freaks and think everything should be done their way.  Thanks Maggie, you're awesome! 

Maggie0829

@ali3304 - that is good that his family isn't contributing financially because I have a funny feeling you and FI would want to run off and elope!  Just remember that the less they know the less stressed you and your FI will both be.  If they ask why you won't tell them anything about the wedding just say that you want it to be a surprise.  And yeah, I wouldn't ask your FMIL to go dress shopping either.

smalfrie19

I wouldnt ask your FMIL to go shopping either..it should be a time for you and your closest family/friends and people who will be honest with you.

[Deleted User]

The same thing happened to my parents for their wedding. Two weeks after getting engaged both sides of the families began voicing their opinions and wouldn't stop. My parents packed a bad, announced they were getting married over in the next state and if anyone wanted to witness it they better join them on the road in one hour! 

My Mom now says she regrets that and promised me that if I ever got married that she would make sure my voice and opinion was heard.

The less FI's family knows about the wedding plans the better. Bean dipping is your best friend, I've used it plenty of times when someone was getting pushy.

Ajuliana

As far as financing the wedding goes, don't plan anything until you have money in hand from other people contributing.  Many a bride around here was promised "it would be taken care of" or an exact dollar amount, and it didn't work out that way and they wound up with a bill they weren't expecting.  

And you just have to get a thick skin about people commenting how they thing things should be done with the wedding.  Even if you refuse to engage, somebody will say something rude, and all you can do is A) bean dip and walk away.  If you walk away enough, they will get the picture.  And hey, even if they don't get the picture, you won't be listening to them anymore!

laylasaurus

I wouldn't invite your FMIL dress shopping.  It is a fairly personal experience, and honestly, the fewer opinions you have floating around the better.  The last thing you want is to be talked into something that YOU aren't the happiest with just because you are trying to keep the peace.  If you want to include her in something, make it something less important, that you won't care too much about, but honestly you are under no obligation to include ANYONE in decision making who isn't helping to pay for it.

MuppetOverlord

Don't take their money and don't go dress shopping with her. Don't put yourselves in a position where you are asking for their opinions.

Plan your wedding as you want to. If they want to come, they will make arrangements.

SBmini

Stop talking about your wedding with them. If they ask, be vague and change the subject. I wish I learned this lesson months ago. After the snarky comments I heard this weekend- no one hears anymore details who doesn't need to know.

MissMolly

Keep taking the high road. Trust me, weddings = people sharing opinions (wanted or unwanted; rude or not). Stop talking about the wedding with them, and when they ask about it, give the shortest answer possible. When I was planning, and people asked me how it was going, I would say "it's going well, thanks" then I'd change the subject. Stop giving details. As for taking your FMIL dress shopping, don't. If you're worried that there will be problems, just take your Mom, or a friend. There's no reason that an entourage has to go along with you, and I had great luck with a super-small group. I took just Mom along to the first shop, and Mom and sister to the second shop a couple weeks later. Boom, done.