Big Dilemma, shall we go to Vegas or not?!

deeandrob1984

Hello all, I love this board and have been stalking it for months and love the help that everyone gives. This board has been so helpful I would not have been able to plan my Vegas wedding without it! I have been debating whether to post this on the board for a while now but I really need some advice so here goes.... My finance and I have always said since we met how much fun it would be to get married in LV. We are not your typical couple, we are not very traditional, we don't like fuss hence why we've always thought LV would be the perfect option to get married! Whilst we don't want fuss we want a little bit of fuss.....we don't want our wedding day just to pass by unnoticed but we don't want a hugggge wedding with lots of people we don't even know who they are! We have so far booked our ceremony and sent out save the dates. Our save the dates said our date for LV and a date for a party back in the UK. We currently live in Australia and have been here for 4 years now but we are holding our party back in the UK as that is where most of our friends and family are. I have just recently found out that none of my family will be attending our wedding in LV (long story, families eh?!) so at this stage we just have my partners parents, his brother and uncle and two close friends. This makes our wedding party 7. We always knew we would never get big numbers for our wedding in LV due to cost, distance etc....and that is fine but now I'm a little upset I won't be having any family there. I'm worried as our numbers are so small the day won't be very good and the people who have spent money to be at our wedding will be disappointed. I'm worried there won't be much of an atmosphere. I feel like its not worth buying a wedding dress for such few people to see it. Do I sound like to being selfish? I'm really happy that the people who are coming are coming, it means a lot but I really feel upset that none of my close friends and family can't make it. We are now in two minds about what to do? Do we go back to the UK and just have a 'normal' wedding where there will be more close friends and certain family members there for me or do we stick to our original plan of LV. We need to bear in mind as we do not currently live in the UK, due to local marriage laws we would need to be in the country 21 days before the wedding, this would mean we would not be able to have a honeymoon after the wedding due to unable to get long period of time off work. We had planned on doing a dream road trip across the US after our wedding in LV. I've read lots of stories on this board of small weddings and people have loved it but I've never read much about weddings where no family members (on my side) won't be there. I'm worried in years to come that I'll look back on my wedding pictures and see that I had no one there for me but if I went back to the UK at least I would have siblings at my wedding and lots of my close friends I have grown up with. Should I do what I've always wanted and go to LV or go back to the UK and get married? Sorry for the long post, any advice/guidance would be greatly received. Maybe you may have been in a similar situation? I'm a bit lost Dee. xx

sdg2502

I think you need to have a proper think about how important it is for you to have family or friends there. When we chose Vegas, we decided that even if we went by ourselves it was what we wanted to do, so any friends or family would be a bonus.
Do you know why your friends or family aren't coming? If there is a particular person you'd love to have there, and they can't afford it, could you give them a place in the wedding party and pay for their trip?
Concerning the amount of people and worrying your guests will be let down, don't stress! It's vegas, there will be tons to do and see and having a small group means you can spend more time together. If you had forty people going over for example, it would be impractical to all hit the casino together after the wedding. With a smaller group, you could all gather around the same game to a certain extent, or you could all go see a show.
I know how you feel a bit because when we started feeling people out, a lot of my relatives said they wouldn't be able to make it (from the UK) but we're having the party when we get back and so I don't mind
As for the wedding dress, it's still your wedding day regardless of how many people see it. Wear what you want to wear. Personally, I've not decided yet but I'm considering spending a few hundred on a really nice designer dress (not a wedding dress) that I'd never buy normally and that I can wear again. But who can say what will happen when I try on a proper wedding dress :P

Good luck, let us know what you decide x

jaime85120

I agree with sdg. However I will say that if you want a dress you can wear it for the ceremony and during the reception back home. I would love to do this but so far everyone has said their coming yo vegas but we will see. I say get the dress u want, and wear it twice it will be just as nice

vegasgroom

Your wedding day should be 100% great memories.  Do you have a feeling for whether you'd regret not having everyone there more than you'd regret not going to Vegas?  If so, I'd do the UK thing.  Or, if you're leaning towards my wedding is my big day and I'd regret not doing what I'd always wanted to do and I'll see all these people later anyway, then go the Vegas route. :-)

J9lawrence

Ditto with what Vegasgroom said!  If you do decided to go to Vegas, you should defiantly buy a wedding dress!  It is such a fun experience and whether you have 7 or 70 people at your wedding, it feels special to put it on and get dressed up.

Jiimanie

As the PPs have said, you definitely need to have a good think about what is more important, having your close friends/family with you on your wedding day, or having the wedding in Vegas and your dream US road trip. A very difficult decision I'm sure! I don't doubt that you would have an awesome day with a small wedding party in Vegas and your guests will also have a wonderful time, so I wouldn't worry about that. 

And as for the dress, again stick with what is most important to you, if you've always wanted a proper wedding dress then you should get one, don't compromise for lack of audience! (Plus as Jaime said, you can wear it at the home reception too, that's what I'm doing with mine!)

mnupp

When are you coming? Do you want some Knotties to come stand in as a back-up family?

We can't help you with this decision--you've gotta listen to your gut. It sounds like you still want to go to Vegas but you're getting pressure from your family ... ouch. Especially the part about foregoing a honeymoon to spend 3 weeks in the UK.

I think one of the first things that EVERYBODY should do, regardless of location, is to figure out your priorities and stick to 'em. My priorities were (1) family, (2) photography, (3) outside venue, (4) booze. And I decided to not stress over decisions like the cake, the music, the hors doeuvres, the table linens, because they weren't top priorities for me.

So do a little soul searching ... and if you're ok with getting married without family there and then celebrating afterwards (and being able to wear a beautiful dress TWICE), then go to Vegas. If it's more important to be surrounded by family at the actual moment that you get married, then do Vegas as an anniversary trip and renew your vows the way you wanted.

spoon1984

Hi Dee, I think you just need to pick what you both want without bringing other people's opinions into the equation. Our aim was always to have a great holiday, we love going to Vegas so getting married there was ideal. We planned to go regardless of who came but its easy for me to say that as I knew my parents would definitely be coming. We didn't have a party when we got home.

We ended up with 9 guests; all my side. My husband didn't have anyone there, he always said that his mum woundn't go but he was fine with that and woundn't change a thing. Although we were pretty set on Vegas we did discuss having a very small wedding at home with just close family around 25 guests but my husband was adamant he wanted to go to Vegas, I was trying to give
him the option to have his family there too but his priority was the holiday (as was mine) so that's what we did. We've been together for so long, met at high school, 5 years at uni together, that's 12 years now, we're still in our twenties albeit almost 30. Having a large wedding just wasn't a priority.

Due to the 21 day rule, Vegas seems ideal then back to the UK for a party, it's unreasonable to spent 3 weeks in the UK with no honeymoon afterwards. I'm sure everyone will love having you back to celebrate.

I would get any dress you want, it's definitely worth it! Just the process of getting your hair done etc and both of you putting on your new outfits is great. Personally I loved that I didn't need to spend a fortune on a dress like I would have done if I had gotten married at home. I still loved my dress; it was easy to travel with and ideal for the weather in July.

sdg2502

@spoon1984 did I miss a review thread from you or did you not do one? Congratulations to you and your husband

spoon1984

Hi, I did one here it is: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/988895/reviews-july-3rd
How's your planning going? I'm still addicted to the forum!

deeandrob1984

Thank you so much for all of your input. It was really valuable as I did just think to myself I should really stop over thinking everything and just do what we have always wanted to do so we are going to VEGAS! I feel I can get excited again about our wedding as I was thinking a bit crappy about it all. There are people that cannot attend and we've had conversations and have reassured they are happy for us and they will be there for us at our party in the UK. What it really came down to was all that mattered was that my Fiancé and I were there and that we were getting married. I was just over thinking things way too much! As for the wedding dress I'm coming around to the idea to wearing it at the party back in the UK. Would it be strange to do that even though we would have got married one month before?

Jiimanie

Woohoo! That's great news

I am wearing my wedding dress at my party back in the UK which will be 3 weeks after our wedding, I don't think its strange at all, infact my family/friends who aren't coming to Vegas but are coming to the party keep asking if I'll be wearing it and I know my Grandma EXPECTS me to wear it! Our bridesmaids are going to wear their dresses too.

mnupp

So glad you made a decision that you are happy with. It sounds like your family is totally understanding of the choice too, which is an added bonus. Great news!

Now let the planning begin again!