Name Changing Dilemma

FutureMrsWood2014

I want to change my name after I get married. I'm not really big on being hyphenated, I'm not against it, it's just not for me. My problem stems from the fact that I have a 4 year old from a previous relationship. She has my last name and knows her full name. I'm unsure how to go about the questions that she will have about changing my last name and whether I should change hers. Has anyone has this dilemma before? Would it be better for her if I kept the same last name until she is old enough to understand or just go for it now? Her father is MIA so he doesn't have a say in whether her name changes.

artbyallie

I think you should leave her name alone until she is old enough to request (without prompting) to match you and her stepfather.

NYCMercedes

She knows you as "Mom" so I wouldn't worry about it.

clg1213

Is your FI adopting her?  If not, I would leave her name alone. 

FWIW -- My folks divorced when I was 2 and my mom changed back to her maiden name and later to my step-dad's.  My name never changed....my dad wasn't always the most "dad-like" but he was in my life and I think that was a factor.  I never had any sort of issue having a different name than my mother or with her changes (7 or 8 when she remarried).

 

FutureMrsWood2014

He will be adopting her at a later time. Once all the hoopla surrounding the wedding is done. I guess I am more concerned about her name when it comes to school. She will be starting kindergarten next year and I don't want issues with registration or anything..

Course I am most likely way overthinking things.

artbyallie

You will not be the first parent with a child whose last name doesn't match. You are overthinking.

HuckSC

My parents divorced when I was 4 and my mom remarried by the time I turned 5. I haven't had the same last name as my mom for 90% of my life. In this day and age it is very common for parents and kids to not have the same last name.

Growing up my mom would always say can't you call your step-dad something other than his name like pops or dad-o or something. (My dad was still a part of my life) She would make comments like, "I wish I would have met your step-dad first and just had you." This was very hurtful to me. I wouldn't be the person I am if it wasn't for my dad. I wouldn't look the same way or act the same.

There were other times that she tried to push my dad completely out of the picture that were very hurtful to me. It came to a point that I finally stood up to her saying even though you wished he was my dad, I have one and please acknowledge it.