Moms and Maids

Maid of Honor Help?

weeniedogsweeniedogs member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
edited September 2013 in Moms and Maids

Re: Maid of Honor Help?

  • You asked her way too early, but that ship has sailed, so let's work with the situation as it stands. The very best thing you can do would be to lower your expectations. If you cut your expectations to 1.) get the dress, 2.) show up on time, 2a.) sober, and 3.) smile in the pictures, everything else will be gravy.

    She's not going to change her personality because you asked her to be your MOH. Warts and all, you can't kick her out unless she 1.) attempts to sleep with the groom or 2.) commits some violent crime against you.

    So all that being said ... you have a groom, too, remember him? He can help you plan - in fact, he should, isn't it his wedding as well? That way any "terrible mistakes" are solely on your guys's shoulders.
    Blue_Birdastimmel
  • You asked her way too early, but that ship has sailed, so let's work with the situation as it stands. The very best thing you can do would be to lower your expectations. If you cut your expectations to 1.) get the dress, 2.) show up on time, 2a.) sober, and 3.) smile in the pictures, everything else will be gravy.

    She's not going to change her personality because you asked her to be your MOH. Warts and all, you can't kick her out unless she 1.) attempts to sleep with the groom or 2.) commits some violent crime against you.

    So all that being said ... you have a groom, too, remember him? He can help you plan - in fact, he should, isn't it his wedding as well? That way any "terrible mistakes" are solely on your guys's shoulders.
    I know, my fiance and mother have been telling me I asked too early and I am obviously learning that they hard way! My fiance has been very helpful and has been helping with planning, but I guess I also wanted that wedding-planning bond with my best friend. Hopefully things pan out and she follows through and I am just having pre-planning jitters about everything! Thank you for your feedback!
  • Florida's a long way from Maryland. I couldn't really afford that trip right now either. As KeptInStitches said, you need to breathe and lower your expectations. I certain;y don't think you've made a "terrible mistake" in choosing your best friend to be your maid of honor. While you did ask her too early, she's done nothing wrong.

    Those "traditional maid of honor duties", while popular, just aren't accurate or even realistic. Think about it. You've presumably chosen your bridal party because you love them and want to honor them by giving them a special role in your wedding. Why would you then think that honoring them includes giving them a list of chores and expenses including planning YOUR wedding? That is your and your fiance's job. I understand wanting to share it with her, but realistically, she's too far away to do much, and you shouldn't EXPECT it. It should be offered. None of the planning is fun if it's an obligation. Feel free to invite local friends to go shopping with you and look for things. Don't feel offended if they can't make it. People have lives. That's what your fiance is for. :-)
  • Also if you asked her just because of that promise (if you had other reasons ignore this) then you asked her for the wrong reasons. Childhood promises don't need to count if you don't want them to.
  • Thanks ladies, this all has been a lot of help and has definitely made me feel a bit better about the situation!
  • I am in a similar situation with one of my bridesmaids. I am relying a lot more on another one of my bridesmaids who has been falling over herself to make sure she is a part of the planning process. I think it's best to keep her feeling included to the extent she wants to be and rely on other friends and family with any help you may need.
  • drmrs2014 said:

    I am in a similar situation with one of my bridesmaids. I am relying a lot more on another one of my bridesmaids who has been falling over herself to make sure she is a part of the planning process. I think it's best to keep her feeling included to the extent she wants to be and rely on other friends and family with any help you may need.

    I disagree with the last sentence. The only person whom you should rely on is your Fi. If other people offer to help, great, but don't count on it.
    astimmel
  • To clarify Teddy, that's what I meant. If they offer, of course. Sorry I wasn't clear.
  • Thanks for the clarification, drmrs.
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