Moms and Maids

FH sister as BM?

I plan on having my FH's niece and nephew in our wedding as a flower girl and ring bearer. I am fairly close with my FSIL and the thought hit me today, "Should I ask her to be a BM?"

Thoughts?

Re: FH sister as BM?

  • To have your FSIL in your wedding party is completely your choice.  I know you said that you are fairly close to her but can you envision your wedding party without her?  Will you be sad if she isn't included?  I wouldn't include her just to include her but if you consider her one of your closest friends then go for it.

  • If you're close with her - say, close enough to call her if you had a body you needed to hide - sure, ask her! Otherwise, your FH could always have her stand on his side as well, or you could ask her to do a reading.
  • If you're close, go for it. I think it can be a very nice gesture if you get along well and think it would be a positive thing. Would there be backlash if you didn't have her? I think there's a lot to consider, but at the end of the day, these people should be your nearest and dearest without question. 
  • I did.  FI is very close to his sister, and i'm semi-close with her - but this is a person who is going to be a part of my life for the rest of my life- she's family.  You can't 100% say that about a friend.  FI was having her husband as a groomsman as well, so it seemed like the right thing to do.

     

    I will note that I didn't use her "instead" of a friend or anything - that is nonsense.  She was in addition to my own sister and the friends that i wanted to include.

  • Yall are awesome!! I think I would feel bad if I didn't ask her. I don't think there would be any backlash if I didn't.

    Any suggestions about cutesy ways to ask your family/friends to be BM?
  • I would just ask. Maybe write a heartfelt note about what their friendship/sistership means to you.
  • Ask in person or call. I really don't think a text message is personal enough, and I would caution against e-mail - I was asked that way and found it impersonal. You could take her to lunch or coffee if you're in close enough proximity.
  • I may ask her when I see her at Christmas. Maybe give her a little card or gift asking.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited August 2013
    It's up to you.  Do you feel close to her?

    I'd ask her personally (no emails or texts), without a gift or card.  That might seem like you're bribing her to say yes-in any case, it may seem too cutesy or make her uncomfortable, and it isn't necessary.
  • I didn't "replace a friend" or anything to have my FSIL as a BM, but I did ask her. We are not very close, but it was important to have family involved. My FI said if I had a brother, he would have asked him to a GM.

    I think we just like the idea of including family. 
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