Moms and Maids

FH sister as BM?

I plan on having my FH's niece and nephew in our wedding as a flower girl and ring bearer. I am fairly close with my FSIL and the thought hit me today, "Should I ask her to be a BM?"


Re: FH sister as BM?

  • To have your FSIL in your wedding party is completely your choice.  I know you said that you are fairly close to her but can you envision your wedding party without her?  Will you be sad if she isn't included?  I wouldn't include her just to include her but if you consider her one of your closest friends then go for it.

  • If you're close with her - say, close enough to call her if you had a body you needed to hide - sure, ask her! Otherwise, your FH could always have her stand on his side as well, or you could ask her to do a reading.
  • If you're close, go for it. I think it can be a very nice gesture if you get along well and think it would be a positive thing. Would there be backlash if you didn't have her? I think there's a lot to consider, but at the end of the day, these people should be your nearest and dearest without question. 
  • I did.  FI is very close to his sister, and i'm semi-close with her - but this is a person who is going to be a part of my life for the rest of my life- she's family.  You can't 100% say that about a friend.  FI was having her husband as a groomsman as well, so it seemed like the right thing to do.


    I will note that I didn't use her "instead" of a friend or anything - that is nonsense.  She was in addition to my own sister and the friends that i wanted to include.

  • Yall are awesome!! I think I would feel bad if I didn't ask her. I don't think there would be any backlash if I didn't.

    Any suggestions about cutesy ways to ask your family/friends to be BM?
  • I would just ask. Maybe write a heartfelt note about what their friendship/sistership means to you.
  • Ask in person or call. I really don't think a text message is personal enough, and I would caution against e-mail - I was asked that way and found it impersonal. You could take her to lunch or coffee if you're in close enough proximity.
  • I may ask her when I see her at Christmas. Maybe give her a little card or gift asking.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited August 2013
    It's up to you.  Do you feel close to her?

    I'd ask her personally (no emails or texts), without a gift or card.  That might seem like you're bribing her to say yes-in any case, it may seem too cutesy or make her uncomfortable, and it isn't necessary.
  • I didn't "replace a friend" or anything to have my FSIL as a BM, but I did ask her. We are not very close, but it was important to have family involved. My FI said if I had a brother, he would have asked him to a GM.

    I think we just like the idea of including family. 
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