Moms and Maids

MOB "Duties"?

I know that since my wedding is a year away that this may be too far out to be a big deal now but I am confused. My mother has offered to do a few things to help with the wedding. An example would be that she wanted to perform the ceremony. She got ordained online and then she had people telling her that she shouldn't because as the MOB she will have so many other things to do and will be so busy. It turns out that when I bought my dress (a little early but it was a steal on sale), she teared up seeing me in it and decided that she might cry on the day of and that it wouldn't be right to officiate. I agreed.
Different people that she talks to keep telling her that she will be so busy as the MOB that she won't have time to help do anything on the wedding day. They don't tell her what it is she will be doing. I don't expect anyone to help but since she has offered and would like to, then I would like to let her.
My question then is what roles or duties do you think that people are talking about? What did you MOB do or what will she be doing day of? We are both confused as to why everyone thinks she can't help.

Re: MOB "Duties"?

  • There is a belief that the MOB and the bride do most of the planning; the FOB pays, and the groom shows up when he's told to.

    That idea is outdated and outmoded. 

    Realistically, all your mother has to do is show up on time and sober. She may WANT to do other things for you/with you; my mother is helping to set up the reception venue and acting as a DOC.

    If your mother is ordained online, AND that's legal in your state, AND you and she and your FI want that, there's no reason she can't do it.

    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • There are no "duties" for the MOB, MOG, BMs, or GMs, other than to show up.

    That said, the day of the wedding may be hectic and you can't always plan for the stuff that comes up. I was a MOH back in June and I was made up and ready to go before everyone else, so the photographer and wedding planner started asking me for help in ushering everyone in the WP through the hair and makeup line and make sure everyone was getting dressed. I ended up having to tape up the whole WP, bride, and MOG with fashion tape, had to help the photog set up the dress, shoes, RB pillow, etc., for pretty pictures. Relocating random family and strangers that wandered into the dressing rooms, taking boutonnieres over to the men and help them put them on.

    Meanwhile, the MOB was rushing around the rest of the venue helping the wedding planner with loose ends and hardly had any time to get ready. Just a bunch of stuff that you can't plan for. And in that sense, being the MOB = helping, so I don't know why people are telling her she won't be able to help. If she officiates, I imagine she'd be more limited in the amount of things she can help with, but I don't see why she couldn't do it.
  • She will be busy because everyone will be wanting to talk to her and congratulate her on her daughter's wedding. It is often presumed that the bride's parents are hosting the wedding, even though that is no longer necessarily the case.
  • She'll need to shower, brush her teeth and get dressed. Just like a normal day. Don't let other people stress you mother out. 
  • We were hosting and I was incredibly busy. I had guests in my home to feed and clean up after, get towels for, lend my car to and get directions for, etc. the phone never stopped ringing. Before, during, and after the wedding, everyone wanted to chat with us and I wanted to chat with them. 90 minutes before the ceremony, the best man walked into our bedroom looking for a belt to borrow. I had wonderful help from a neighbor, who actually came over and washed my kitchen floor and kitchen furniture. They were sticky from pre- and post-partying. My point is, yes, she will be busy. Me, I loved being kept busy by being with wonderful family and friends.
  • My experiences with my girls' weddings is pretty much like NYC except we don't have house guests. I was hosting the wedding so I was busy with guests, questions, directions, phone calls, etc.  Loved every minute.
  • Her only duties are to show up, dress appropriately, and be polite.

    She is not required to do anything else, so whatever everyone else is telling her her "duties" are can be ignored.  If she'd like to officiate, that's up to you, your FI, and her (and I think it would be very sweet).
  • Thank you everyone who responded. Your answers helped my mom feel better after she read the posts.
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2013
    Kristin789 said: 

    Please do not use this article as a reference.  It is manufactured from an industry.  The comments you receive from real life people with
     current experience will serve you better.  

  • Like most people have said - she doesn't have to do anything but show up.  But my mom would have been really hurt if I didn't allow her to help out.  I have tried to involve her in the wedding planning as much as I possibly can because she really wants to be involved.  We live like 1800 miles apart, so it's tough, and I know it's hard on her that she can't be more involved. 

    I picked out all of the vendors myself, but she flew out to see the two venue options that I was debating between and helped me pick.  My mom picked out the wedding favors (I didn't want to have favors but she did) and will help me wrap them over the wedding weekend.  She has taken charge of the welcome bags for the guests staying in the hotel - has picked out what to put inside of them and is even hot gluing ribbon on some cheap bags (She went ahead and did that herself! Plain white bags were totally fine with me).  Otherwise, she mainly helps me keep on track of the things I need to do.

    On the day of the wedding, she is going to take our wedding gifts and the cake stand that we'll need to return and will drop it off at our apartment.  Aaaand, because my mother is super awesome, she offered to stay in our apartment for a week while we're on our honeymoon to take care of our two cats!!  I love those cats more than most people, so it's a really big deal for me.
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