Change of Plans...

abrewer5

My fiance and I are getting married on 16 May 2014 and we were planning to have a large wedding to accommodate our 8 families (all parents divorced and remarried) which was going to result in over 200 people invited. We asked our parents to keep it around 150 people (50 for my family, 50 for his and 50 of our friends), but we met a lot of resistance from his mother on this number claiming it was too small. We both agreed we want something a little more intimate and special, so we've decided to cancel our original plans and go with a smaller and still local venue and only our immediate family (parents, siblings, grandparents) and closest friends (basically only the bridal party), so less than 40 people.

My parents are fine with the change of plans and want us to do what is going to make us happy, but my fiance still hasn't told his mom about our change of heart. I've already sent our request to cancel the orignal venue so there's no turning back now. I guess I'm just terrified to see how she is going to react, I know she won't get mad at him for the change in plans, but I feel like I'm going to get her full wrath for the change of plans.

Does anyone have any suggestions for handling her reaction once she finds out? My parents are going to pay for the wedding, so from a financial standpoint that's covered and she won't be asked for money.

Are we crazy for changing our plans so drastically?

mrsconn23

I find in these situations that the anticipation is far worse than the reaction. 

This is your wedding, not your MIL's.  And it's nice that your parents are perfectly happy with your decision, you don't need anyone's approval/permission to have the wedding you want. 

Just state your decision matter of fact and don't leave it open for discussion.  It's a decision, not a debate.   Also, caller ID is a wonderful thing...After you tell her, if she calls, let it go to VM, listen to the message, and decide if you're going to call her back.   I'd hope if she starts blaming you, your FI will let her know that it's a mutually agreed upon decision. 

It's not crazy.  It happens more often than you think. Good luck.

PirateBarbie

mrs.conn23 said:

I find in these situations that the anticipation is far worse than the reaction. 

This is your wedding, not your MIL's.  And it's nice that your parents are perfectly happy with your decision, you don't need anyone's approval/permission to have the wedding you want. 

edit: IF YOU ARE PAYING 100%, then you don't need approval/permission. 

Since your parents are paying, they absolutely get a say in how their money is spent. It sounds like they are fine with the change of plans, so that's really all you need. 

Your FI needs to communicate the change to his parents, ASAP, and manage any fallout. I don't know how long ago you came to this decision, but if it's been a week or more I find it a bit worrisome that he hasn't mentioned anything to her. (Especially if you've sent any STDs for original plans or she's been talking up the wedding to the family.)

VarunaTT

Why would FI not getting any "wrath" but you would?  That's unacceptable. 

Shrug it off is all you can do.  FI needs to deal w/any fallout at this point and both of you need to stay firm re: this is what you both want and what you're both doing.  Thank you for your opinion, change subject.

Wzz

i don't think you need to worry about how she will react, because this is your decision. who knows what her reaction will be.

 

just tell her politely about the change of plans. have FI do the talking. she'll have to cut her guest list, and your FI can deal with his family on this one. he would know best how she'll react anyway.

 

start worrying about how everyone will react to what you say, and you'll never be able to stand up for yourself. just be kind and polite as much as possible.

abrewer5

Thanks for the input everyone! This is a VERY recent change of plans, I just cancelled our previous venue yesterday evening so luckily too much time hasn't passed and we have not sent out save the dates yet.

I just know how his mom is about these kinds of things, kind of controlling and her way of the highway mentality, but thank you for the suggestion on just polietly saying "this is our decision, thanks for the input but this is the route we're going to take."