Facebook Bride Help

WinstonsGirl

heidirs731 said:

NYCBruin said:

heidirs731 said:

WinstonsGirl said:

Honeymoon buckets are still asking for cash, which is rude.  People know everyone wants money.  They'll give it if they want to.  No one sees a bucket and think "Oh, I forgot I could give them cash, thanks for the reminder".  If a couple wants cash, do a small registry and if people ask, say you're actually saving up for xyz.  People get the hint

Why is asking for cash rude? You are asking for gifts as it is. I honestly don't see a difference. And I don't see how "hinting" is any different than asking, in fact it seems worse since your guests have to guess at what kind of gift you'd like. 

No you aren't.  No one has to give you a gift.  You shouldn't expect to get gifts.  

If you're going to say that registries are asking for gifts, they are not.  They tell people who want to buy you china or towels what patters and colors you would like.

Cash is universal.  Everyone likes cash.  Cash can be used for anything.  People don't need help giving you cash if they want to give you cash.

Registries are for gifts. You can put whatever you want on them. They don't have to include china or towels or even housewares.

My experience is that people would like to actually gift you stuff that you want, whether that be an physical item or a trip. My experience is that people would prefer to get you an actual item than cash because they like the idea of something more long lasting. But I have also found that people don't mind putting money toward a trip or event because the memories themselves can be lasting. But if you don't tell people you'd like money toward your honeymoon, then they don't know about it. Maybe a bucket isn't the best way ago, but I think it's better than a registry that steals your money.

Neither are good.  People know you want cash.   Like I said before, if people ask what you want, you can say you're saving up for honeymoon, new house, whatever and they will give you cash if they want to.  People don't mind giving cash towards a honeymoon, you're right, but directly asking for cash is rude.  

heidirs731

But you are directly asking for gifts! I don't get it. What is the difference?

NYCBruin

heidirs731 said:

But you are directly asking for gifts! I don't get it. What is the difference?

How are you directly asking for gifts?

WinstonsGirl

In a registry??  That's not directly asking for gifts.  That's offering a suggestion of what you would like IF people decide to buy you a gift.  They can follow it or not.  My Aunt made us a beautiful quilt.  That wasn't on our registry.  We received a couple of things from our registry, a bit of cash and others gave us nothing.  It's was all their choice.  When we were asked, we requested no gifts since we didn't really want anything.  Some people followed that and others decided to give us a gift anyway

NYCBruin

WinstonsGirl said:

In a registry??  That's not directly asking for gifts.  That's offering a suggestion of what you would like IF people decide to buy you a gift.  They can follow it or not.  My Aunt made us a beautiful quilt.  That wasn't on our registry.  We received a couple of things from our registry, a bit of cash and others gave us nothing.  It's was all their choice.  When we were asked, we requested no gifts since we didn't really want anything.  Some people followed that and others decided to give us a gift anyway

I would argue a registry isn't even really suggestions, it's more like a tool that provides guests answers to a bunch of questions they might have, like:

I'd like to buy you new linens, what would match your home's color scheme?

I'd like to buy you something for the kitchen, would you prefer a toaster or a  blender?

I was thinking of getting you a coffeemaker, what brand is your favorite?

Is there anything else you need/would like?

etc.

A registry is not a request for gifts, it's a guide for your guests who want to get you physical gifts but don't want to badger you with questions about what you need, what you'd prefer, etc.

Cash registries serve no purpose.  People know cash is always a welcome gift.  They give you cash knowing you can spend it on whatever you want.  Cash registries are deceptive because you are telling people that you'll spend your money on something specific, but you don't actually have to.

WinstonsGirl

Thank you @NYCBruin.  You put this much better than I did.  I didn't have the brain power to type that out.  

phira

Additionally, traditional registries prevent duplicate gifts.

Housewares/linens/etc are really common wedding gifts, even in recent years when a lot of couples live together before marriage and don't NEED a whole set of silverware. So if you have 100 guests, and 70 of them want to buy you housewares, you kind of hope that 10 of them won't buy you a new stand mixer.

So while a guest COULD ask, "What kind of plates would you want?" to avoid buying you plates you think are hella ugly, you wouldn't necessarily know how many people were planning on buying you plates and just DIDN'T ask what kind you wanted first.

Dreamergirl8812

Traditional registry: IF you want to buy me a kitchen appliance, these are some I need.

Honeymoon registry: IF you want to give me money, this is the... This is the kind I need. No, wait. This is how much I need. Nope, that doesn't make any sense.

SKPM

delujm0 said:

I think my biggest problem with the "honeymoon fund" isn't even the rudeness (which clearly is an issue, don't get me wrong) but the fact that people are planning and booking honeymoons that they can't afford!  Granted, I am an accountant, so budgeting is kind of my "thing," but you should not plan a vacation that you can't pay for, and you DEFINITELY should not plan a vacation that you can't pay for, and then expect other people to subsodize it for you.  Why is this so common?  If you can't afford the honeymoon of your dreams, start a savings account, ferret away a little bit of money every paycheck, and maybe by the time of your 5th or 10th or 20th anniversary you can take that trip.  Potentially going into debt for a vacation is insane.

 

Ditto going into debt for your wedding.  but that being said...it's still not acceptable to ask your GUESTS to provided the food and booze to avoid going into debt.  Just host what you can afford to host and adjust the guest list and/or food offerings accordingly.  Why is this theory so hard for people to understand?  Probably because of the commercialization of the wedding industry.  Sigh.

Yep, I think it is this along with the sense of entitlement that seems to have grown more rampant in the past decade. Every bride "deserves" the wedding of her dreams and the honeymoon too.

Viczaesar

heidirs731 said:

NYCBruin said:

heidirs731 said:

WinstonsGirl said:

Honeymoon buckets are still asking for cash, which is rude.  People know everyone wants money.  They'll give it if they want to.  No one sees a bucket and think "Oh, I forgot I could give them cash, thanks for the reminder".  If a couple wants cash, do a small registry and if people ask, say you're actually saving up for xyz.  People get the hint

Why is asking for cash rude? You are asking for gifts as it is. I honestly don't see a difference. And I don't see how "hinting" is any different than asking, in fact it seems worse since your guests have to guess at what kind of gift you'd like. 

No you aren't.  No one has to give you a gift.  You shouldn't expect to get gifts.  

If you're going to say that registries are asking for gifts, they are not.  They tell people who want to buy you china or towels what patters and colors you would like.

Cash is universal.  Everyone likes cash.  Cash can be used for anything.  People don't need help giving you cash if they want to give you cash.

Registries are for gifts. You can put whatever you want on them. They don't have to include china or towels or even housewares.

My experience is that people would like to actually gift you stuff that you want, whether that be an physical item or a trip. My experience is that people would prefer to get you an actual item than cash because they like the idea of something more long lasting. But I have also found that people don't mind putting money toward a trip or event because the memories themselves can be lasting. But if you don't tell people you'd like money toward your honeymoon, then they don't know about it. Maybe a bucket isn't the best way ago, but I think it's better than a registry that steals your money.

Because they're too stupid to figure out that you might be wanting to take a honeymoon sometime after your wedding?