Encouragement or a bottle of wine

schellzinator

I am on the verge of being a Bridezilla and I need to be talked down off the ledge. 

My BM (2 sisters and 2 friends) are planning a "surprise" shower/bachelorette weekend for me in Philadelphia area (172 miles from where I live now).  But I know about it because of my sisters' hints.  That weekend also coincides with my dad's 60th birthday.  So I believe they are trying to get me to PA under the guise of a party for him. So I will need to go home another weekend as well for his birthday (which is fine). I also have an appointment to get my hair done from my tried and true hairstylist on October 12. I'm stressed for the reasons listed below - so if we don't do some type of combining of parties with weekends I get my hair done or shower/bachelorette.

Problem is, I will be driving over 1000 miles on my newly LEASED vehicle three weekends out of the five before my wedding.  Not only that - but this is the busiest time of year for me at work - in which I may be expected to come in on weekends and I also have to cover my hours for when I'm out of the office for three weeks for our HM (end of government FY).  I'm feeling sick to my stomach over this for so many reasons. I'm grateful they are doing ALL of this - and I understand how they want this to be a surprise for me so I'm trying my hardest not to blow up.  But now I'm worried about mileage on my car, not getting work done, displeasing my family, being gone so many weekends before the wedding, EXPENSES of traveling on top of the wedding! PS I've been told by one of my sister's that I should put my non-wedding life on hold right now.

FI is getting frustrated with them because he knows how I operate with my family and I will cave at the last minute.

PLEASE HELP!!!

ALSO - I don't think they come on the Knot - but if I get the hunch that they are - I may have to delete this because it is way too specific for them to NOT know its me.

Stina51286

Im confused. If his birthday weekend is the same weekend as your possible shower, why would you need to come back another weekend for a party for that? Why wouldn't they just have it all in the same weekend since that is his bday weekend?

I guess if it came down to it and in fact his bday party is not the same weekend, just kind explain to him that you feel horrible that you cant make it there, but that is too much traveling and that you cant get off work. Im sure your father will understand.

09McSteph03

Before I can answer can you clear up something I didn't get - you said the weekend they are planning this surprise, is also your fathers 60th birthday so a party for him is the ploy.  But that means you will need to make another trip for him on another weekend?  Is there another party for him planned?  Can you not do something for his birthday the same weekend you are already there for the surprise?  And where on this timeline does Oct 12th with the hairstylist fall in relation to the surprise party?  Can you move your appointment with the stylist if you call and explain?  Without any additional details, I see that you can combine it all into one weekend.  

schellzinator

I know - it's confusing.

Yes - I will need to make another trip up for his birthday. There is not a party planned yet - but there will be one and every time I bring up planning they ignore me.  I did suggest doing it all in one weekend - but I was ignored.

I was also pushing to have the 60th birthday party on October 12 but once again - ignored when I suggested that.  I can definitely move the appointment - but I think my frustration is being ignored when I'm attempting to sort things out.

Stina51286

I'd say just take your father for dinner or something that weekend to celebrate his birthday. If they have a party, decline and explain to them why. Since you'll have already celebrated with him, he should understand.

09McSteph03

Agree with @stina51286, take him out to dinner, lunch, breakfast or SOMETHING on his actual birthday weekend and if they plan something some other time you have a 100% valid reason to decline since you already celebrated with him (sorry for the run on).  

As for the weekend you are expecting the surprise, have you already been notified of something? An expectation from your sisters or BMs that you will need to be in town that weekend?  If so, reschedule your hair appointment and give yourself enough time to get done what you need to get done and wait out whatever event you are told you are attending.  If they won't give you an indicator of time, then you schedule your stuff and try to go with the flow.   "Hey Shelz, we are having dads birthday party at 3" your response can be "OK, great, I have a hair appointment at 10 so I should be ready in plenty of time".  

One weekend.  No headaches.  

jessyk1065

As far as the car goes, you could see if your company, groupon, etc are offering any kind of deals or discounts on car rentals. Not ideal, but the cost of a rental may be worth keeping the mileage off your car. And depending what kind of car you rent it may even get better gas mileage so there's savings there too!

schellzinator

Thanks Ladies!  All suggestions are very helpful - I've spoken to my sister and explained it to her for the fourth time. She gets it and is working with my other sister to schedule it all in one weekend. I feel so much better now - but I appreciate you letting me vent and giving me good advice.