Wedding Invitations & Paper

Several Questions

This is probably going to be a bit long, so I apologize in advance, but I really have no idea what I'm doing lol.

1) My family and family friends are all out of state. Do I send save the dates? And if so, do I send them to everyone or only out of state people? 
2) A large portion of the people we are inviting are single. How do I word that they are allowed to bring a guest?
3) We are trying to keep our invite list on the smaller side (not working too well so far though). As such we have decided to only invite children of people who are out of state. However, there is one exception. My FI's cousin's daughter is going to be a junior bridesmaid so she and her brother are invited to the wedding. Is this rude? Should we be inviting all children if we are inviting some?
     a) Background information: My FI and I are a bit on the older side. Most friends and family that are local have children between the ages of 5 and 17. We are inviting the parents of the friends (grandparents to the children) to the wedding so they do not have easy access to free childcare for the wedding. Should we provide childcare?
4) I am thoroughly lost on how to go about finding my invitations. The theme for our wedding is butterflies, but there aren't very many butterfly invitations that I can find online that I like. Do I order ones online and then get them printed locally or are there sites that do both? And what about the envelopes?

Thanks for any help you can all provide. 

Re: Several Questions

  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited August 2013
    You never have to send Save the Dates. You can let them know by phone or email if you want. You can also send it to just out of state guests if you like. Even if I'm local, I prefer to have more than the 6-8 week notice that an invitation gives. They generally go out 6-8 months in advance unless your wedding is on a holiday weekend.

    The best thing to do is ask if they have anyone they would like to bring and address the invitation to both of them. Otherwise, just address it to "and guest." If your guest is in a relationship, please, please, please don't address the invitation to "and guest" - try and find out their guest's name.

    It's not rude, you don't have to invite all children. You can leave it at wedding party only (and siblings), or invite in circles (ie only family, etc). You can provide childcare if you want, it's a nice gesture for out of town guests, but you don't have to.

    Vistaprint, Invitations By Dawn, Wedding Paper Divas are all popular invitation sites. Or you can design your own and get them printed. Or an Etsy designer might be able to design one and send you the digital file. 
    Anniversary
  • This is probably going to be a bit long, so I apologize in advance, but I really have no idea what I'm doing lol.

    1) My family and family friends are all out of state. Do I send save the dates? And if so, do I send them to everyone or only out of state people? 
    Save the dates aren't required. You'll want to do them especially if your wedding is on a busy weekend, or in an area where many people will need to fly in. If you choose to send them, I generally recommend the "all or nothing" approach. That way, you won't have to answer the "Why didn't I get one!?" questions.2) A large portion of the people we are inviting are single. How do I word that they are allowed to bring a guest?
    You do this on the invitation "Mr Steve Smith and guest".  If Steve would be flying in or traveling from a distance, it's fine to give him a call prior to invites going out and let him know he can bring a guest. We did "Mr Steve Smith and guest" on our save the dates, since we were 100% certain that everyone would be afforded a guest.
    3) We are trying to keep our invite list on the smaller side (not working too well so far though). As such we have decided to only invite children of people who are out of state. However, there is one exception. My FI's cousin's daughter is going to be a junior bridesmaid so she and her brother are invited to the wedding. Is this rude? Should we be inviting all children if we are inviting some?
    Nope, you're fine. Children aren't "all or nothing". Just be prepared to get some people that might be upset they can't bring their child.
         a) Background information: My FI and I are a bit on the older side. Most friends and family that are local have children between the ages of 5 and 17. We are inviting the parents of the friends (grandparents to the children) to the wedding so they do not have easy access to free childcare for the wedding. Should we provide childcare?
    Nope. Stay out of the childcare. Let parents handle their own kids.
    4) I am thoroughly lost on how to go about finding my invitations. The theme for our wedding is butterflies, but there aren't very many butterfly invitations that I can find online that I like. Do I order ones online and then get them printed locally or are there sites that do both? And what about the envelopes?
    Just because your theme is butterflies doesn't necessarily mean your invites have to have butterflies. Order an invitation you like...why not use a butterfly rubber stamp on the envelopes? Any invitations you order will come with envelopes. Check out Wedding Paper Divas, Vistaprint, or Etsy.

    Thanks for any help you can all provide. 

  • This is probably going to be a bit long, so I apologize in advance, but I really have no idea what I'm doing lol.

    1) My family and family friends are all out of state. Do I send save the dates? And if so, do I send them to everyone or only out of state people? You can send them save the dates if you like. They are not required. You do not need to send them to everyone out of state, you can send to just VIPs. Remember whoever you send an STD to, has to be invited to the wedding so think this through, evaluate your budget, make sure you can accommodate and feed 100% of your guests. 
    2) A large portion of the people we are inviting are single. How do I word that they are allowed to bring a guest? Ms. Single Lady & Guest.
    3) We are trying to keep our invite list on the smaller side (not working too well so far though). As such we have decided to only invite children of people who are out of state. However, there is one exception. My FI's cousin's daughter is going to be a junior bridesmaid so she and her brother are invited to the wedding. Is this rude? Should we be inviting all children if we are inviting some? Do it in tiers. Siblings kids, aunt and uncles kids etc. If they are in the WP I think it's ok.
         a) Background information: My FI and I are a bit on the older side. Most friends and family that are local have children between the ages of 5 and 17. We are inviting the parents of the friends (grandparents to the children) to the wedding so they do not have easy access to free childcare for the wedding. Should we provide childcare? You are not required to provide child care. That is for parents to figure out.
    4) I am thoroughly lost on how to go about finding my invitations. The theme for our wedding is butterflies, but there aren't very many butterfly invitations that I can find online that I like. Do I order ones online and then get them printed locally or are there sites that do both? And what about the envelopes? I went to places where I could touch and feel the invites. Papyrus (If you have one) Party City (has a ton), Davids Bridal online will mail you home samples, lots of other places will too. We ultimately ordered from Wedding Paper Divas. If you want something specific there is always Etsy where they can custom an invite for you.

    Thanks for any help you can all provide. 


  • Thanks so much for the quick replies. A bit more background information seems to be required here though. The wedding is going to be on a Friday. I already know that this may end up excluding several out of state guests, but most of them are already retired. Our guest list is 90% family and mostly on FI's side (nearly 2/3 of the guest list is his family), so I would not be able to do children in circles of family only, thus the "out of state only" for children invites. Since it is on a Friday though, would it be better to send a STD? Thanks again for the help.
  • Thanks so much for the quick replies. A bit more background information seems to be required here though. The wedding is going to be on a Friday. I already know that this may end up excluding several out of state guests, but most of them are already retired. Our guest list is 90% family and mostly on FI's side (nearly 2/3 of the guest list is his family), so I would not be able to do children in circles of family only, thus the "out of state only" for children invites. Since it is on a Friday though, would it be better to send a STD? Thanks again for the help.
    The fact that it's on a Friday vs. Saturday doesn't really matter as far as whether or not you should send the STDs. Since you have a lot of out of town guests, you probably will want to. Or since it's family you could just have his parents spread the word. Most of my family already knows our wedding date even though we haven't sent save the dates yet.
    Anniversary
  • This is probably going to be a bit long, so I apologize in advance, but I really have no idea what I'm doing lol.


    1) My family and family friends are all out of state. Do I send save the dates? And if so, do I send them to everyone or only out of state people? 
    2) A large portion of the people we are inviting are single. How do I word that they are allowed to bring a guest?
    3) We are trying to keep our invite list on the smaller side (not working too well so far though). As such we have decided to only invite children of people who are out of state. However, there is one exception. My FI's cousin's daughter is going to be a junior bridesmaid so she and her brother are invited to the wedding. Is this rude? Should we be inviting all children if we are inviting some?
         a) Background information: My FI and I are a bit on the older side. Most friends and family that are local have children between the ages of 5 and 17. We are inviting the parents of the friends (grandparents to the children) to the wedding so they do not have easy access to free childcare for the wedding. Should we provide childcare?
    4) I am thoroughly lost on how to go about finding my invitations. The theme for our wedding is butterflies, but there aren't very many butterfly invitations that I can find online that I like. Do I order ones online and then get them printed locally or are there sites that do both? And what about the envelopes?

    Thanks for any help you can all provide. 

    1). Stds should be sent to those who you are 100% you will invite. If you don't send them to everyone it will give you some flexibility if you need to make cuts by the time invitations go out. It's good for OOT guests so they can make arrangements before 2 months out.
    2) usually you put the "and guest" on the inner envelope. Ours only had one, so I put it on the outer.
    3) you can invite only children that are part of the wp, immediate family and wp without opening it up to all kids. Inviting in circles.
    4). Try etsy. We found a designer on there for ours that were reasonable. You can find almost anything there!

    image
    melbelleup
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited August 2013
    This is probably going to be a bit long, so I apologize in advance, but I really have no idea what I'm doing lol.

    1) My family and family friends are all out of state. Do I send save the dates? And if so, do I send them to everyone or only out of state people?

    Save-the-dates can be useful when you have significant numbers of people who need more advance notice than 6 to 8 weeks to make preparations to attend a wedding, such as time off and travel arrangements.  So if your family and friends from out of state fall in this category, you can send save-the-dates.  If anyone local needs the extra time, it's okay to send a save-the-date to them as well.

    2) A large portion of the people we are inviting are single. How do I word that they are allowed to bring a guest?

    This is something I myself wouldn't put on an STD unless they declare themselves to be in a relationship, in which case you list both parties on the envelope.  If, between now and the time you send out invitations, they begin relationships, I'd list both parties on the invitation; otherwise, I'd just list the single ones by their names only and deal with the issue of guests if they ask to bring guests.

    3) We are trying to keep our invite list on the smaller side (not working too well so far though). As such we have decided to only invite children of people who are out of state. However, there is one exception. My FI's cousin's daughter is going to be a junior bridesmaid so she and her brother are invited to the wedding. Is this rude? Should we be inviting all children if we are inviting some?
         a) Background information: My FI and I are a bit on the older side. Most friends and family that are local have children between the ages of 5 and 17. We are inviting the parents of the friends (grandparents to the children) to the wedding so they do not have easy access to free childcare for the wedding. Should we provide childcare?

    Etiquette doesn't require that you invite any children, or that you invite "all or no" children.  You can choose.  It is advisable to invite in circles, because that's easier to explain to guests if you're inviting some but not all children.  It's not required to provide childcare to parents attending the wedding, but it is a kindness to do so.

    4) I am thoroughly lost on how to go about finding my invitations. The theme for our wedding is butterflies, but there aren't very many butterfly invitations that I can find online that I like. Do I order ones online and then get them printed locally or are there sites that do both? And what about the envelopes?

    You might try Etsy or Vistaprint.

    Thanks for any help you can all provide. 

  • edited August 2013
    This is probably going to be a bit long, so I apologize in advance, but I really have no idea what I'm doing lol.

    1) My family and family friends are all out of state. Do I send save the dates? Only if you want to - not necessary. And if so, do I send them to everyone or only out of state people? It's up to you. Anyone who gets a STD MUST get an invitation. So if you have a falling out with someone, it's a breach of etiquette to skip the invitation later on. Usually it's recommended only to send them to VIPs.
    2) A large portion of the people we are inviting are single. How do I word that they are allowed to bring a guest? if you have an outer and inner envelope, address the outer to Mr. John Smith and the inner to Mr. John Smith and Guest. If only an outer, Mr. John Smith and Guest
    3) We are trying to keep our invite list on the smaller side (not working too well so far though). Don't extend plus ones to your truly single guests.. As such we have decided to only invite children of people who are out of state. However, there is one exception. My FI's cousin's daughter is going to be a junior bridesmaid so she and her brother are invited to the wedding. Is this rude? Should we be inviting all children if we are inviting some? You can invite whoever you want. I don't think it's rude to invite only OOT children and WP children. You might get questions, you can just tell them only OOT and WP kids.
         a) Background information: My FI and I are a bit on the older side. Most friends and family that are local have children between the ages of 5 and 17. We are inviting the parents of the friends (grandparents to the children) to the wedding so they do not have easy access to free childcare for the wedding. Should we provide childcare? Not necessary. Part of being a parent is knowing your kids won't be invited to everything and arranging for child care. From an etiquette perspective, you don't need to do anything here.
    4) I am thoroughly lost on how to go about finding my invitations. The theme for our wedding is butterflies, but there aren't very many butterfly invitations that I can find online that I like. Do I order ones online and then get them printed locally or are there sites that do both? And what about the envelopes? Sites like www.weddingpaperdivas.com offer the full package (invites, response cards, envelopes, etc.). You pick what you want, specify your wording and they arrive on your doorstep. You just need to assemble, address them and send them.  

    My H and I went to Michael's, bought blank ones on clearance and printed them ourselves on our printer. It easily saved us over $600. 

    Thanks for any help you can all provide. 
    ETA: butterfly invites: http://www.weddingpaperdivas.com/product/2010/signature_ecru_wedding_invitations_butterfly_love.html
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    image
  • I'm coming in a little late, but agree with everyone's post on the etiquette stuff.  I am responding to the butterfly theme question.  I heard that Cricut is amazing, but I don't know much about how it costs.

    And on a whole other note, I found these cute origami butterflies that you make out of paint chips.  Perhaps not for you, but I thought I'd mention it.
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