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Jazmyn519

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AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_opposed-two-ceremonies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3350adb5-1579-4e52-a121-5064789b5ee6Post:66c157c5-f89e-4d88-8968-126fb69c4e7a">Why are you all opposed to two ceremonies??</a>:
[QUOTE]My future husband is in the military. Because of the way work is right now, he cannot take leave. We want a beach wedding here in our hometown. However, I am going to see him later this summer and we are considering going ahead and getting married legally at a court house (just sign the papers and on we go) so I can have his name and I can stop referring to him as my "future husband" since we do not know how long we are going to have to wait. We want to be surrounded by our family and friends at our actual wedding, but we cannot do that until he knows when he can take leave again.

<strong>Your "actual" wedding occurs the day you sign the papers.  That's all the government cares about.  So, if you want to have a courthouse wedding, that's fantastic- but don't go on to have a pretty princess day later on.</strong>

Unfortunately no one in his command knows yet when that will be, except that it will be "a while." We have been forced to put it on hold for months. Why is it wrong for us to want to get the legal stuff done now but have our wedding later when we can be surrounded by our loved ones? I have seen women criticized on here by others who say having a second ceremony is fake/stupid/pointless because you're already married. They say it's all a lie and encourages others (Particularly children) that lying is ok. I do now see how that is the case. It's not a lie when I will get to share such a memorable day with everyone we love. I just wanted some insight into how you could think such things...

<strong>If you don't tell your family/friends that you got married, it's a lie.  A HUGE lie and a huge betrayal.  If you want a ceremony and all the blah blah, that's fine, but call it what it is- a vow renewal, not a wedding.  You're already married.</strong>
Posted by Jazmyn519[/QUOTE]

andy71781

I guess my main problem with it is that you want to have your cake and eat it too.  You are marrying somebody in the military - is it more important to be married now and "take his name" or be married on a beach?  Its a compromise that everybody has to do in some shape or form.  Two weddings is cheating, IMOP.  Lying about it is just flat out wrong.

megk8oz

I want to know how in your mind if you're planning on taking his name and calling him "your husband" now, you think that your "actual" wedding will be your pretty princess day.

 You don't get to have a husband and new last name before your "actual wedding".

andy71781

Apparently it was an ERROR.  

handfast4me

I don't know what the original post was, at is has been deleted.  And normally, I'm one of those who doesn't like the "2 wedding" bride.  However, there are extenuating circumstances, and the military and deployment are those.  So, I'm OK with, if you're already legally married, to share your joy with your family and friends. I might, however, skip the ceremony (unless it's a religious one that means something to you both) and just have a reception. 

Best wishes, and if what I've assumed is true, I thank your partner for his service, and you for your sacrifices.  I was a military wife, and it's not easy.

jenn.daniel

where are you going to see him this summer?  As soon as you find out that it's definitely going to happen, start planning your wedding.  A good friend of mine planned her wedding fairly quickly so they could be married before her now-husband was deployed.

I also really like handfast4me's idea to just have a reception at a later date.

nda_roxybabe

Oh good riddance! why would you delete? you've been quoted!
If you want to get married, tell everyone then later have a reception (not wedding. No pretty princess, white poofy dress and fake ceremony) then go for it. Just don't lie to everyone so you can have your dream wedding day

trix1223

Here's the thing, ERROR chica.  IMO, every action has a consequence.  Sometimes consequences are good, sometimes they're not good.  Sometimes the consequences are things that we hope will happen.  Sometimes the consequences are things that we wish hadn't happened.

But part of being an adult is accepting the consequences of one's decisions.  If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to accept that there will consequences from the decisions you and your FI make.

If you CHOOSE to get married this summer in a courthouse wedding, then the consequences that you accept are that you forgo many of the accoutrements of the big poofy princess day.

But make no mistake about it, you're EVERY BIT as married in a courthouse wedding as you are in a poufy princess party.  And unless you get divorced in between your courthouse wedding and party after the fact, you can't have another wedding.  You'll.  Already.  Be. Married.

aerinpegadrak

If the courthouse thing doesn't mean anything, why do it at all?  Clearly it must mean something.  Frankly, it's thoroughly insulting to brides who do the courthouse and nothing more to say that it's not a real wedding.

Have your party if you want, but a wedding it ain't.

AmoroAgain

No, I will not delete my quoting of your question, as you asked because I think you realized you weren't going to get the responses you wanted.

Are there times when you have to go to the courthouse?  Sure.  Are there reasons why you can have two ceremony's?  Yeah.  Recently, a friend of mine discovered her FI may not be allowed into the country for their wedding because the visa wouldn't come through in time.  So, they considered going to the courthouse and having a civil wedding in Dubai, so that they could get him into the country for the wedding they'd already paid for.  Her parents and family would all have known about the legal marriage and were fine because otherwise, they'd lose out on the $15k wedding that was already mostly paid for. 

This issue is mostly black and white for me, with teeny circumstances of gray.  In the case of the military, well, this is your FI's job.  It's presumably not going to be changing anytime soon, so you need to get used to making compromises in your life for the sake of his job.  As he should for you and your job.  I respect our soldiers, and I respect the women who follow them, but for god's sake, man up about your life now, because it's not sunshine, roses and pretty dresses once he goes to war. 

megk8oz

Amoro, I like you.

AmoroAgain

Thanks Megk!

Amy5473

Wow...I just stumbled across this because of the ALL CAPS subject.  I was actually planning my June 12, 2010 wedding when certain life circumstances changed and me and my husband got married with our immediate family and bridal party on July 19, 2009.  We are still having our wedding and reception on June 12th.  Everyone knows we are married.  I am wearing the gown; he is wearing the tux.  I just had a shower last month.  I don't see what it's so evil to do something like this

harmrose02

I just stumbled on this as well....GEEZE! Why does everyone have to be so negative about things?? Yikes! Hun, if you want to do the whole poofy princess thing, go for it....even if you do get all the legalities out of the way beforehand. IMO, just have the reception...no ceremony/vows. But you absolutely have every right to wear the white dress and all!!

Good Luck