Pre-wedding Parties

Would you be ok if your fiance wanted a girl (friend) at his bachelor party?

I have a big dilemma.  Although I am not OK with the friendship between him an another woman for multiple reasons, he still considers this particular woman to be one of his best friends.  He is practically begging me to allow her to be invited to his bachelor party.  He knows how strongly I feel about them being friends and it hurts my feelings that he would even ask.  There are about 15 boys going, and she wants to be included.  I have never heard of a woman going to a bachelor party/ nor wanting to go to one.  Can you please just answer yes or no if you would be ok with this woman going to my fiances bachelor party?  
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Re: Would you be ok if your fiance wanted a girl (friend) at his bachelor party?

  • Yes - I would be ok with this.

    It's unusual to want to control who your FH is friends with. It's your business but I would ask yourself the following questions, honestly answer them, and then do some reflecting:

    - Why are you uncomfortable with their friendship? 
    - Do you completely trust your FH? Do you trust him to handle difficult situations?
    - Why do you want to limit his friendships with certain people?
    - Why don't you want her at his bach?
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    Blue_Bird
  • I have a big dilemma.  Although I am not OK with the friendship between him an another woman for multiple reasons, he still considers this particular woman to be one of his best friends.  He is practically begging me to allow her to be invited to his bachelor party.  He knows how strongly I feel about them being friends and it hurts my feelings that he would even ask.  There are about 15 boys going, and she wants to be included.  I have never heard of a woman going to a bachelor party/ nor wanting to go to one.  Can you please just answer yes or no if you would be ok with this woman going to my fiances bachelor party?  


    I had my best guy friend at my bachelorette party and I'm pretty sure DH had some women stop out at his (he's a firefighter, so he has tons of friends...male and female). It's fine.

    It seems like you have trust issues.

    Blue_Birdsouthernbelle0915
  • I am going to go ahead and say I would be a little touchy about this, if it were me. Yes, guys can have best female friends that aren't their SO's, I totally get it (hell, one of my best friends is a guy!). However, the idea of a bachelor party is for the groom to celebrate with his guy friends (as the purpose of a bachelorette party is for a bride to celebrate with her girl friends). Obviously this is an issue for you, so I would talk to him about it. Do you have any male friends that would attend your party? 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Do you really trust your FI not to do anything inappropriate with this woman?  Is the problem that she may see something about your FI you don't want her to see?

    You might ask your FI how he would feel about your hypothetical or actual best male friend attending a bachelorette for you.
    melbelleup
  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    It's hard to answer since you haven't told us why you're uncomfortable. My husband's two best friends are female. They didn't attend his bachelor party only because hiking in the mountains wasn't their thing.

    I guess it all boils down to where the trust issue comes from. I suggest you work out it before you walk down the aisle.
    southernbelle0915grumbledore
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I have a big dilemma.  Although I am not OK with the friendship between him an another woman for multiple reasons, he still considers this particular woman to be one of his best friends.  He is practically begging me to allow her to be invited to his bachelor party.  He knows how strongly I feel about them being friends and it hurts my feelings that he would even ask.  There are about 15 boys going, and she wants to be included.  I have never heard of a woman going to a bachelor party/ nor wanting to go to one.  Can you please just answer yes or no if you would be ok with this woman going to my fiances bachelor party?  
    You aren't okay with him being friends with women?  If so, that's a big issue.  If it's just that woman, why?  Did he used to date her?  Did he ever cheat on you?
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    southernbelle0915
  • I went to my (male) best friend's party, and he had a best lady. I would be totally fine with my partner having people of whatever gender he wanted at his party.

    I echo what others have said about why you're uncomfortable. If it's because she's a bad influence in some way, then fine. If it's only because she's a woman, then you should let him have his party how he wants and consider why it bothers you.
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  • I have a big dilemma.  Although I am not OK with the friendship between him an another woman for multiple reasons, he still considers this particular woman to be one of his best friends.  He is practically begging me to allow her to be invited to his bachelor party.  He knows how strongly I feel about them being friends and it hurts my feelings that he would even ask.  There are about 15 boys going, and she wants to be included.  I have never heard of a woman going to a bachelor party/ nor wanting to go to one.  Can you please just answer yes or no if you would be ok with this woman going to my fiances bachelor party?  
    Oh I need more details here.

    Is it just this particular woman you object to, or do you not want him to be friends with any women?
    If it's just this woman... then why?


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  • I'd side-eye a woman at a bachelor party. Of course it's fine for men to be BFFs with women, but I just don't really get why it'd be fun for a woman to participate in bachelor festivities (provided they were "typical" dudes-get-wasted-and-go-to-strip-clubs kind of evenings). 

    I don't know the details about the relationship between them, though. Maybe she could join in one of the daytime activities with the boys and then part ways when they get down and dirty doing guy stuff. Why are you so unsettled by this woman?
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    MalMondo1020
  • If she is considered one of his best friends then she should be allowed. As a women I would not want to go to a bachelor party with 15 men but thats her preoperative. Some women get along better with men.
    biojess
  • My FI has one woman in particular he's been friends with forever and I would have no problem with her being invited to his bachelor party should he have one.

    Is there a reason why you don't trust your FI with this woman or vice versa?  

    I would talk about this with your FI and get down to the real root of the issue.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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  • It would depend on their relationship. Is it that you don't like him having any femail friends or is it this specific person? If i'ts this specific person, it would depend on the reasons you don't care for her. If it's women in general, then I think you need to ask yourself, why don't you trust him around other women? Does he get flirty and out of control when he drinks? Has he cheated on you  in the past? Or have you had someone else cheat on you in the past and you're carrying trust issues into this relationship?

     

     

  • It's his party and he gets to decide who's invited. I don't think it's okay for a person to control who another person spends time with. If you don't trust your fiancé, then you guys need to deal with that issue. If you think she's a bad influence on him, then deal with that issue. If you're just naturally jealous of him having opposite-sex friends, deal with that issue. (I also don't consider my husband to me my best friend and we both purposely cultivate strong friendships, regardless of gender, outside our relationship, but that's a whole other topic.)
    grumbledore
  • 1.  I would be ok with females attending my FI's bachelor party.  Why?  Because I trust him.

    2.  I had two of my best male friends attend my bachelorette party.  My FI never raised an eyebrow.

    3.  I threw one of my best friend's bachelor party.  I was one of three females in attendance and I had a blast.  His wife had no concerns.

    I think the bigger issue is a trust issue between you and your FI.  Why do you not want you FI to be friends with this woman.  I would have a reall issue if my FI tried to control my friends and who I could hang out with.  Does your FI do this to you?  How would you feel?

    There must be more to your story.

    southernbelle0915grumbledore
  • totally fine with it.

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  • I have a big dilemma.  Although I am not OK with the friendship between him an another woman for multiple reasons, he still considers this particular woman to be one of his best friends.  He is practically begging me to allow her to be invited to his bachelor party.  He knows how strongly I feel about them being friends and it hurts my feelings that he would even ask.  There are about 15 boys going, and she wants to be included.  I have never heard of a woman going to a bachelor party/ nor wanting to go to one.  Can you please just answer yes or no if you would be ok with this woman going to my fiances bachelor party?  
    If you don't trust him enough to be friends with a woman, you shouldn't be getting married.  FFS.

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    NYCMercedessouthernbelle0915
  •  I totally get why you would be uncomfortable with that... especially if it is a girl who you are not friends with yourself. Even if you completely trust your FH and trust him to handle himself in difficult situations...I would see it more as an insult that he confides in another female as his "best friend" when YOU, his future wife should be his best friend over any other relationship in his life. End of story.
    How in the name of everloving fuck does it matter that his friend is a woman and not a man?  I just can't.

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    southernbelle0915Blue_Bird
  • I am not OK with the friendship between him an another woman 
    This is psychotic.
    xhellokittysouthernbelle0915Blue_Bird
  • I personally would feel uncomfortable with a girl going to my FH's bachelor party. One, IMHO, a bachelor party is for bachelors. Two, my FH's party is at one bedroom cabin and all the guys are sharing it. It would be awkward for me knowing another woman would be sleeping in the same room/house as all the men, even though I trust my honey completely. If I were the only woman going, I would also feel uncomfortable going. I would just probably thank the groom for the invite but respectufully decline. However, this is coming from the woman who's gay best friend is throwing my bachelorette party... I would talk it over with your FH. Don't give him an ultimatum or try to control anything, just have an honest heart-to-heart with him about why it bothers you and then listen to his reasoning for wanting her there without being defensive. Good luck!
  • I personally would feel uncomfortable with a girl going to my FH's bachelor party. One, IMHO, a bachelor party is for bachelors. So if he has friends that are married, they can't come? This sounds like an excuse to want it to be "all boys". Two, my FH's party is at one bedroom cabin and all the guys are sharing it. It would be awkward for me knowing another woman would be sleeping in the same room/house as all the men, even though I trust my honey completely. I call BS on this. What if she was a lesbian? Would it be ok then? If I were the only woman going, I would also feel uncomfortable going. I would just probably thank the groom for the invite but respectufully decline. That's fine, but a lot of women have great guy friends and a lot of men have great female friends. Both sexes might like to attend. However, this is coming from the woman who's gay best friend is throwing my bachelorette party... So it's fine to have a guy at YOUR party, but you're not ok with a woman being at HIS party... Logic fail. I would talk it over with your FH. Don't give him an ultimatum or try to control anything, just have an honest heart-to-heart with him about why it bothers you and then listen to his reasoning for wanting her there without being defensive. Did your FI do this to you when he found out your male friend was planning/attending your party? Doubt it. Good luck!
    This stinks of jealousy and distrust to me. It sounds like you either 

    A) have double standards - it's ok for a man to attend your party but not for a woman to attend his; or 
    B) it's only ok because the opposite sex friend is gay - in which case it proves that you ARE uncomfortable with this from jealousy/distrust perspective. So it's only ok if the opposite sex friend is not sexually interested in his gender? Why does that matter?
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    grumbledorethefuturemrshawks
  • HELL NO!!! I would not be ok for that!!!!! I personally don't believe men and women can be truly friends. Why do you need a girl friend, I'm a girl, I'm your friend. Period. You need a female perspective, ask me.

    [Deleted User]melbelleup
  • katieg520 said:
    HELL NO!!! I would not be ok for that!!!!! I personally don't believe men and women can be truly friends. Why do you need a girl friend, I'm a girl, I'm your friend. Period. You need a female perspective, ask me.
    That''s insane.  If I told my FH that he is not allowed to be friends with 50% of the population, he would say, "Thanks but no thanks, you crazy."  And he would be correct.

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    Blue_Bird
  • katieg520 said:
    HELL NO!!! I would not be ok for that!!!!! I personally don't believe men and women can be truly friends. Why do you need a girl friend, I'm a girl, I'm your friend. Period. You need a female perspective, ask me.

    So I'm assuming you can only be friends with females?

    Wow, what a poor attitude...

    grumbledoreBlue_Bird
  • I personally would feel uncomfortable with a girl going to my FH's bachelor party. One, IMHO, a bachelor party is for bachelors. So if he has friends that are married, they can't come? This sounds like an excuse to want it to be "all boys". Two, my FH's party is at one bedroom cabin and all the guys are sharing it. It would be awkward for me knowing another woman would be sleeping in the same room/house as all the men, even though I trust my honey completely. I call BS on this. What if she was a lesbian? Would it be ok then? If I were the only woman going, I would also feel uncomfortable going. I would just probably thank the groom for the invite but respectufully decline. That's fine, but a lot of women have great guy friends and a lot of men have great female friends. Both sexes might like to attend. However, this is coming from the woman who's gay best friend is throwing my bachelorette party... So it's fine to have a guy at YOUR party, but you're not ok with a woman being at HIS party... Logic fail. I would talk it over with your FH. Don't give him an ultimatum or try to control anything, just have an honest heart-to-heart with him about why it bothers you and then listen to his reasoning for wanting her there without being defensive. Did your FI do this to you when he found out your male friend was planning/attending your party? Doubt it. Good luck!
    This stinks of jealousy and distrust to me. It sounds like you either 

    A) have double standards - it's ok for a man to attend your party but not for a woman to attend his; or 
    B) it's only ok because the opposite sex friend is gay - in which case it proves that you ARE uncomfortable with this from jealousy/distrust perspective. So it's only ok if the opposite sex friend is not sexually interested in his gender? Why does that matter?
    Ok, perhaps I should have said men, not bachelors. If he has married friends of course they can come. His best man is married and is still coming. Whether she is lesbian or not, I am still uncomfortable with a women spending the weekend with a group of unmarried men. I do have a lot of great guy friends, just has he has a few close friends that are girls. His girls are coming to my bachelorette party, and my guys are going to his bachelor party. As for having my guy friend at mine I am not spending the weekend with them. If I were I would not have him there at all. We are going for drinks and fondue at the melting pot, then the girls and I are going to a pleasure party, which he arranged but will not attend. Also, my FI was completely fine with it as he knows my guy friend very well. If he had an issue with it, I would've respected his wishes and had someone else throw my party.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    katieg520 said:
    HELL NO!!! I would not be ok for that!!!!! I personally don't believe men and women can be truly friends. Why do you need a girl friend, I'm a girl, I'm your friend. Period. You need a female perspective, ask me.
    Ick.



    grumbledorephotokittyBlue_Birdjennbelden
  • katieg520 said:
    HELL NO!!! I would not be ok for that!!!!! I personally don't believe men and women can be truly friends. Why do you need a girl friend, I'm a girl, I'm your friend. Period. You need a female perspective, ask me.

    So you're admitting that you'd spread 'em for any guy who came along because there's just no other option when men and women are together?

    My hometown "bachelorette" party was me and two other guys. Plenty of fun was had, plenty of booze was consumed, no clothing was removed, and I'm still happily married to my husband.


     


    grumbledoreitzMSphotokittyBlue_Bird
  • Assuming you trust your fiancé, I don't see a problem with his female friend attending. 
  • itzMS said:
    katieg520 said:
    HELL NO!!! I would not be ok for that!!!!! I personally don't believe men and women can be truly friends. Why do you need a girl friend, I'm a girl, I'm your friend. Period. You need a female perspective, ask me.

    So I'm assuming you can only be friends with females?

    Wow, what a poor attitude...

    In my experience in my life, yes. Yep, I have trust issues, and nope, I don't tend to like girls who hang around my fiance. I don't trust them. If you're spending more time with him than me, wtf do you need to know from him that you can't ask me.

    And no, I wouldn't. But I don't have guy friends and don't allow males to think I am more than just an acquaintance. If I have a question for a male, I either direction the question to his gf or so or ask my fiance to ask the question. I do not open myself up for any male to think I am flirting in any sort of way out of respect to my future husband. I would expect him to do the same.

    I know a lot of other women who agree with me, and I don't expect to change anyone's minds, and you certainly won't change mine.

    ei34
  • katieg520 said:
    itzMS said:
    katieg520 said:
    HELL NO!!! I would not be ok for that!!!!! I personally don't believe men and women can be truly friends. Why do you need a girl friend, I'm a girl, I'm your friend. Period. You need a female perspective, ask me.

    So I'm assuming you can only be friends with females?

    Wow, what a poor attitude...

    In my experience in my life, yes. Yep, I have trust issues, and nope, I don't tend to like girls who hang around my fiance. I don't trust them. If you're spending more time with him than me, wtf do you need to know from him that you can't ask me.

    And no, I wouldn't. But I don't have guy friends and don't allow males to think I am more than just an acquaintance. If I have a question for a male, I either direction the question to his gf or so or ask my fiance to ask the question. I do not open myself up for any male to think I am flirting in any sort of way out of respect to my future husband. I would expect him to do the same.

    I know a lot of other women who agree with me, and I don't expect to change anyone's minds, and you certainly won't change mine.
    This response is nuts. NUTS!! I see you have a daughter/future step-daughter. Do you plan to restrict her friendships too?

    Just because you have trust issues (I'm truly sorry for whatever happened to you that created this issue), doesn't mean your husband or anyone else has the same problems. And to limit others' friendships because you have some unresolved issues is super controlling and crazy! 

    In my experience women who try to put a short leash on their men often have the opposite effect than they want. All their control and distrust makes their partner MORE likely to actually commit infidelity than if they were "allowed" to be friends with whoever they wanted in the first place. Just a thought.
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    photokittyNYCMercedes
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