So, I was at work today when my mom came in to say hi to everybody (she works there as well) before a nearby doctor's appointment. She asked if I wanted to get some dinner tonight. I said I was sorry but I already had plans. She quickly said hello to everyone else in the nurse's station and then left for her appointment.
Within five minutes, a whole bunch of my co-workers were "jokingly" asking me what I had to do that was more important than going out to dinner with my mom. I guess while she was saying hi she mentioned something about it. Not that anything was more important than that; I was just going to go see BF and his grandfather (who fell again yesterday, by the way =/), but that's what I had planned and I just didn't think much of it.
After a few of my co-workers approached me, a few even saying something to the effect of, "As a mom, can I just say OUCH?!" I started feeling seriously guilty. So I let BF know that I would see them sometime after dinner and texted my mom to say I moved things around and would like to take her up on dinner. She hasn't gotten back to me yet.
Now the vent part: I am kind of irritated by this whole thing. I live with my mom. I work with my mom. We go out together quite often, we stay in and talk quite often. I don't see that there is any dearth of quality time spent between us. I'm annoyed that a) she didn't just tell ME, "Gosh, I really wanted to go out tonight," and instead apparently went back and announced my heartlessness to all of our co-workers, and b) that all of these people took it upon themselves to tell me what a brat I was being, especially since they do not really know our dynamic or relationship.
Since a whole lot of drama with my brothers happened back in the spring, plus some stuff with her kinda-sorta boyfriend that has been going on, I have been doing a lot of listening to my mom. A lot. And a lot of spending time with her - especially compared to my brothers or even most of her friends. Which is fine. But occasionally it gets to be too much, and I want a break from it! Especially when stuff like this comes up where I'm at school or at work or with BF and later I hear about how I'm "neglecting" her; and especially when that listening goes into my mom asking for all kinds of advice that I just don't feel I should be giving - stuff about how to parent my brothers or how to deal with my dad/her ex-husband. I don't know if it's normal that this makes me incredibly uncomfortable, but it does. This goes back to when I was a kid, maybe 12 or so, and her asking me, "Do you think I should divorce your dad?" and other equally loaded questions, seriously looking for insight from me. I won't deny that my mom has a had a tough marriage and a hard time parenting us (especially my brothers, haha), that she needs a good support system, and that she has been a damn good mom to me despite all of that, but I sometimes can't tell whether I'm her daughter, her friend, or her therapist.
AM I being a brat, guys? Should I just suck it up and always-always-always be there for her no matter what? And is it normal, OK, or at least understandable that sometimes I feel put upon to take care of her emotionally? I don't want to be ungrateful or mean to my mom, because there are a lot of things she's done right by me and I love her. But this is something that comes up more and more these days, and I just want to find a happy balance. I don't want her to feel like I don't care, but...that's a LOT of caring she seems to expect!