Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Are surprise showers the norm in your circle?

cheeseandricecheeseandrice member
First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
edited August 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Having a conversation with a few friends. So tell me. Are surprise showers the norm in your area/circle?

Are surprise showers the norm in your circle? 57 votes

Showers are a total surprise
1% 1 vote
Bride knows shower is planned, but doesn't know time/date/details
22% 13 votes
Bride knows the time and location.
73% 42 votes
SS, because there's always one.
1% 1 vote

Re: Are surprise showers the norm in your circle?

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    Because it can be hard for us to get off work, there are no surprises.
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    I've attended a few surprise showers but it's hard to pull them off.   I had two wedding showers and both were planned way in advance.

    I had a work shower when I was pregnant with DD and that was a surprise but they knew I'd be there! 
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    I have attended "surprise showers" but from what I could see, the honorees don't appreciate the manipulation and evasiveness involved just so a bunch of people can shout "Surprise!" at them as they enter the room.
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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2013
    I think most of the showers I've attended lately the recipient knew about it.  And the few surprise ones it seemed the recipient was able to figure it out beforehand due to timing and the nature of the event they were being coerced to go to.

    ETA - I knew about mine and had worked out the date with the hosts.  I hate surprises.
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    I hate surprises to the point of fury over them, and those closest to me know that, so I doubt anyone would ever try to pull one over on me. I've never been to one or heard of one being thrown, so I'm pretty sure they just aren't done around here. I honestly think my anger over being surprised would overcome my ability to be gracious and appreciative of the party, just because of the deception and secrecy involved in pulling one off. My mom tried to surprise me with a birthday party when I turned 5, and I was so upset that I spent the party crying hysterically in my room and throwing up while my little friends had fun. Apparently my reaction was so severe that I scared them almost to death. I think she'd put the kibbosh on any surprise showers I would ever have, lol.
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    edited August 2013
    In recent years, I've only been to one shower that was a surprise. The bride thought she was running an errand for her mom, returning something to a small museum in my town. The bride showed up in sweat pants, t-shirt, sneakers and a pony tail. She was shocked when everyone yelled surprise that it took her a few minutes to put it all together. She's a sweet girl, who took it in stride, and seemed to be happy to see everyone. 

    My daughter's shower wasn't a surprise. We didn't want to take a chance that she would have  other plans on the shower day. I think she would have been upset if she showed up in grubby clothes because the guests were well dressed for the party.
                       
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    I've been to three surprise showers. Two out of three they were genuinely surprised. The ones throwing it always makes sure the bride is addressed appropriately. The brides know they're going out to dinner... show up at the restaurant and bang, SURPRISE!

    Surprise showers in my circle are common so pulling them off has become somehat old hat. A few brides ask to be surprised.

    Personally, I don't like surprises like that and I'm sure my friends would respect that.
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    Thanks ladies!  I also hate surprises, and knew when my showers were in advance. I didn't necessarily know all the details, but I knew where to be and when to be there.
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    nope, never been to a SS. My bachelorette was basically a surprise. I knew the night, but absolutely none of the details and it was awesome :)
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    edited August 2013
    I don't really understand the point of surprise showers. As a guest of honor, it's a lot more fun to pick out an outfit and feel the excitement leading up to it. 

    I had both for my wedding. The surprise shower was very sweet and I was genuinely surprised. I liked the planned shower A LOT more because I got to find something fun to wear, to be excited leading up to, to plan for it, to have input on who was invited, etc. I also don't love being the center of attention, so when people yell SURPRISE!!! and everyone is staring at you watching your reaction for 10 minutes is SUPER awkward IMO.
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    My shower was a surprise and I've only ever been to one that wasn't. My bachelorette party, which was later that night, was meant to be a surprise but my MOH ended up telling me about it privately so I knew to get a dress for it. I still acted surprised when I found out. 



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    I've been to one surprise engagement shower. The bride's roommates planned it so that the bride and groom went to dinner with one room and some other friends (including myself) then we went back to their apartment where the party was (that was a pretty normal thing for us to do). They were actually surprised they way it was planned meant they didn't show up in sweats. 

    My fiance's bachelor party was a surprise. The best man's original idea for the party (that my fiance was aware of) didn't work out. So the best man just told him he was working on something else and didn't tell him anything else then surprised him with it a few weeks later. I was in on the whole thing so it wasn't a surprise for me, thankfully. 
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    ashleyepashleyep member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited August 2013
    My cousin's shower was secret.. If the bride works a normal 9-5, picking a Saturday isn't a big deal. I think her fiance told her they had some sort of plans.

    I think it would be hard to surprise me, while making sure I'm dressed appropriately - I don't like to dress up haha. Plus I'm the one who makes all the plans, so if my fiance is suddenly telling me we had plans, especially far enough in advance that I don't make other plans, I'd probably know what was up. But I think my bridal party will try and surprise me. *sigh*

    Anniversary
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    All of the showers I've been to except for one were surprises. 

    Anniversary

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    The wedding I was in, in April the bride said she wanted a surprise shower.  I really didn't understand this, since it really wouldn't be a surprise since she basically requested it.

    I just hate surprise parties in general.  They are stressful to plan and even more stressful the day of to pull off.  And as the guest of honor I would much prefer to be aware of what I am walking into so I don't leave the house looking a hot mess.

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    I don't think I've ever been to a shower that was NOT a surprise.  My own shower was three weeks ago and a surprise.  I've also helped plan surprise showers, and it's usually a lot of fun for the planners...

    The clothing thing is usually a non-issue: usually you tell the bride she's going to dinner, or a party, etc.  I thought I was going to a birthday party at a restaurant.  I think surprise bridal showers are much more common than surprise baby showers though.

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    I know my MOH is planning a shower but I don't know when it will be.
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