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Wording to Avoid Plus Ones

AllyV14AllyV14 member
First Comment First Anniversary
edited August 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm posting this to try to help other brides who are trying to find a way to avoid those plus ones without calling 50% of the guests and saying no.  This way, you will avoid almost all of those!  

I've been researching how to avoid unwanted plus-ones.  This is not a debate on who should be allowed to bring a plus one.  All of the advice in various locations said to put "and guest" on the inner envelope.  Great!  Who the heck uses inner envelopes anymore?  I have never seen one.  I've also seen people say that without an inner envelope, they just put it on the outer.  They say that if "and guest" isn't there, the invitee will catch on.  Well, after snooping around on various boards, it was clear that invitees do NOT catch on. So I started looking for another solution.  And this may be a breach of Miss Manners' version of etiquette, but I'm pleased with it.  

The RSVP cards are worded like this:

The favor of your reply is requested by [date].
We have reserved _2_ seats in your honor. 
___ people will be attending.
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
___ Accepts with pleasure
___ Declines with regret

We will fill in the name and the seats reserved.  The people attending one is left blank, for them to put a number and the lines by accepts or declines are left blank for them to check.  Would Miss Manners disapprove?  Oh yeah.  Will most of you Knotties?  Probably.  Will it get my point across?  Yep.

Now, it is worth noting that other brides who have done this have had those few people who will actually cross out the number and write in a new one.  If I get any RSVPs like that, I will have no issues calling and saying no.  

Re: Wording to Avoid Plus Ones

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    Glad to hear from someone else who is doing this!  And I have no attitude.  But I've read a lot of posts about The Great Plus One Debate where the poor bride got torn a new one.  I'm acknowledging that many Knotties will disagree with me.
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    AllyV14 said:
    I'm posting this to try to help other brides who are trying to find a way to avoid those plus ones without calling 50% of the guests and saying no.  This way, you will avoid almost all of those!  

    I've been researching how to avoid unwanted plus-ones.  This is not a debate on who should be allowed to bring a plus one.  All of the advice in various locations said to put "and guest" on the inner envelope.  Great!  Who the heck uses inner envelopes anymore?  I have never seen one.  I've also seen people say that without an inner envelope, they just put it on the outer.  They say that if "and guest" isn't there, the invitee will catch on.  Well, after snooping around on various boards, it was clear that invitees do NOT catch on. So I started looking for another solution.  And this may be a breach of Miss Manners' version of etiquette, but I'm pleased with it.  

    The RSVP cards are worded like this:

    The favor of your reply is requested by [date].
    We have reserved _2_ seats in your honor. 
    ___ people will be attending.
    Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
    ___ Accepts with pleasure
    ___ Declines with regret

    We will fill in the name and the seats reserved.  The people attending one is left blank, for them to put a number and the lines by accepts or declines are left blank for them to check.  Would Miss Manners disapprove?  Oh yeah.  Will most of you Knotties?  Probably.  Will it get my point across?  Yep.

    Now, it is worth noting that other brides who have done this have had those few people who will actually cross out the number and write in a new one.  If I get any RSVPs like that, I will have no issues calling and saying no.  
    Knotties recommend this all the time; this is hardly new and groundbreaking.  I do find the second part of your RSVP card unclear (and grammatically incorrect).  How do your guests fill it out if the Mr. is attending and the Mrs. is not?



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    AllyV14 said:

    Glad to hear from someone else who is doing this!  And I have no attitude.  But I've read a lot of posts about The Great Plus One Debate where the poor bride got torn a new one.  I'm acknowledging that many Knotties will disagree with me.

    The great plus one debate is when brides try to judge the seriousness of their guests' relationships by making some arbitrary point when their bf/gf go from a "plus one" to their so. Anyone who considers themselves in a relationship should get their so invited.
    I hope your more detailed RSVP works for you though. I'm amazed at how ballsy and unaware so many guests are by adding extras.

    image
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    Did RSVP's like that for last DD's wedding and will do it again next Summer for the next DD's wedding.  Not a new idea, but you do seem to have an attitude about this.

    I would encourage you to list your guests names separately though to avoid confusion when one of them can't attend:

    John Smith ___ will ___will not attend
    Jane Smith ___ will ___ will not attend

    Worked well for us.  Hope this helps you get the results you are looking for.
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    Good solution, kmmssg.



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    Great idea!! I love this post. Our RSVP card looked just like the one in your example. I thought this was a pretty good solution for some of our friends with unruly kids. Props!

     

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    Bear in mind that true rude knows no bounds. No format prevents an invitee from writing in additional guests. We had one guest, after filling out their RSVP, add a third line. It read, "Little Susie will also be with us. She won't need a meal; we will bring food for her, or share ours."
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    I used the __ of _2_ are attending format.  Still had write-ins.  People will be rude no matter what you do.
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    kmmssg said:
    Did RSVP's like that for last DD's wedding and will do it again next Summer for the next DD's wedding.  Not a new idea, but you do seem to have an attitude about this.

    I would encourage you to list your guests names separately though to avoid confusion when one of them can't attend:

    John Smith ___ will ___will not attend
    Jane Smith ___ will ___ will not attend

    Worked well for us.  Hope this helps you get the results you are looking for.
    I would love to do this, but I will probably have to write in the names myself since we are getting the invites from a printer and I'm not sure if they will individualize each RSVP card for us.
    Anniversary



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    Odd post... very odd... thanks?
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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    NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited August 2013

    Odd post... very odd... thanks?

    Agreed. What was the point of this post?

    People suggest this all the time on here. And people do it and still have guests add people. And most of them call those who do to clarity. So i guess good for you that you're not doing anything rude? But it sounds like you want to do something rude and shout from mountaintops how rude you are but don't care, so I guess you failed then?
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    I am really counting my lucky stars that we didn't have write-ins - that is SO WEIRD! we have two last minute additions but they were via phone and were both funny stories that we were happy to accomodate.

    The pushiest person I had was one of my best friends who I told 18,347 times that there were no kids and she literally sent me videos of her kids dancing at wedding to show me how cute they were. I was finally had to put my foot down and remind her that No Means No.

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    I am really counting my lucky stars that we didn't have write-ins - that is SO WEIRD! we have two last minute additions but they were via phone and were both funny stories that we were happy to accomodate.

    The pushiest person I had was one of my best friends who I told 18,347 times that there were no kids and she literally sent me videos of her kids dancing at wedding to show me how cute they were. I was finally had to put my foot down and remind her that No Means No.

    That is so bizzarre.

    We're printing our own RSVP cards and listing each and every person who is invited.

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