Planning an elopement?

4Monsters

New here...
My fiance and I are planning to elope (can you plan to elope? lol) - not a run away in the middle of the night elopement... really just a private ceremony, us and our kids (I have 3, he has 1).  I still want some of the frills of a wedding - I will be looking for a real wedding dress, suits for my boys, and dresses for the girls... I found a place in Niagara Falls that has just jumped out at me... A little log cabin in the woods.  It just seems perfect.  They provide witnesses for you or you can bring your own.  We have both talked about bringing one friend as witnesses since the kids are too young (by the time we get married next year they'll be 11, 10, 10, 5), or we might just keep it our family and use the provided witnesses... While we don't plan to hide our engagement from anyone (though we have yet to tell anyone but close friends), we also don't plan to tell anyone when we're getting married.  Family has mixed opinions about our relationship that neither of us want to deal with so this just seems the best option.  Second time around for both of us, and neither of us want all of the stress of planning weddings like we had the first time... We also feel this time is for US, not for anyone else... and this is what feels right to both of us.  Friends have asked if we're planning to at least have a party afterwards so friends/family can celebrate with us and I guess I haven't thought that far! lol

Anybody else planning to elope or have just a private ceremony the second time around?  If you are, are you planning any kind of celebration afterwards for friends/family?

Jells2dot0

I eloped, if you can call it that. It was the second time for both. Everyone knew we were engaged, but only a few people knew when we were planning to get married. Only the two of us, the celebrant, the photographer, and the wedding coordinator were present for our ceremony. We got married on an island in Australia. We did not plan any large celebrations following the wedding, as we don't live near our families. We took my DH's kids out for a fancy dinner (they are both college age and not living at home) and the month before we left for Australia, we took some time off of work and traveled to visit each family. Both of our families were supportive of our plans. I don't think any of our friends cared, either, as our close friends also live out of state. We really did not want to deal with a traditional wedding in any way. I had a six figure wedding the first time around, and while I thought it was a gorgeous day, it was a total waste of money and time (not even taking the groom into account!) It made me sick to think about spending that amount of money again on something that I thought was more about everyone else and the whole wedding fantasy than about us. While we did spend a lot on our elopement, it's money we would have spent on travel anyway (we travel extensively) and we got to have this amazingly private, personal moment that focused on each other. It was great, and I don't regret it for a second.

4Monsters

I think if we told family that we plan to elope they would be upset.  Friends have already insisted "I have to be there!" when we've told them we're planning to get married... though they have all been good when we've explained that we plan to elope and why.  Most have said "but you're going to have a party or something afterwards, right?"  I didn't think of that until friends started mentioning it... All of our friends/family are close by (farthest away is 3 hours, and everyone else is within an hour from us).  I just know that neither of us want the drama involved in planning a big event.  I want this 100% us.  100% what we want.  He had a small wedding the first time around, no big reception/dance, just dinner at a restaurant afterwards.  I had a larger more typical wedding, paid for by my parents.  Since it was not my money spent, I have no regrets about how much was spent lol but I know that if we're going to spend any big $$ it's going to be on a honeymoon... not a wedding! 

Jells2dot0

It's my opinion that you can't let others feelings or opinions dictate what you should do for such an important event, unless you feel very strongly about someone being a part of your day. If you end up listening to them, you then end up with all of the stress and drama of a traditional wedding, so you might as well invite people and do the whole big thing again. Again, just my honest opinion- if a friend asks about a party afterwards, say that you weren't intending on doing anything, but that you'd love to get together with him/her after you get back for a nice dinner. If family complains, tell them that after your first weddng, you felt it was too much stress for everyone to have another big to-do and that you and FI are very much looking forward to having a private, intimate, low key event. It's my belief that noone can tell you what to do or what to plan unless they are paying for it.

Sue-n-Kevin

We had a somewhat small wedding for what ended up being 73 people. It was my husband's 3rd marriage, but my first.

I think you've been given great advice by Jells2dot0. It sounds like you want a private affair, but are getting pressure from those who care about you to plan a celebration as well. It's a VERY private matter for you and your fiance to decide upon.

If you want to "plan to elope" with just your kids, the venue you mentioned sounds lovely. Do it. If you feel like hosting a "house warming" or other type of celebration afterward (not called a "reception") then do it. But don't do it because you feel pressured or guilty. Do it because you want to celebrate your marriage with family who were not there to share because you planned the wedding you wanted. Plan a BBQ or simply a get together with appetizers or drinks. Just invite people over. You can share your "big day" with a picture album or whatever else you want to do.

 Good luck with your plans.

 

bearscout159

My fiance and I are planning to be married with just out (grown) kids in attendance.  We have talked about a party a couple of weeks after the fact, but don't know how to do it.  We would like to give our friends and families a chance to wish us well, and have some fun, but don't feel we can invite people to e reception for a wedding to which they were not invited.  Having trouble finding the right balance - any suggestions?

MikesAngie

If you want to have a party to announce your new marriage have a house warming party or a backyard bar-be-que.  You don't have to call it a reception since it's more of a party to celebrate your private wedding,