Moms and Maids

bridesmaid mediator

One of my bridesmaids just mysteriously stopped communicating with the other bridesmaids about a month ago.  My MOH brought it to my attention after making many attempts to contact her.  I talked with her face to face about it, and yet she has still not responded.  This is a problem since she is the main person planning the bach. party but the other girls want to be involved in the planning since they will be splitting the cost.  Honestly, I understand their frustration, they will all be traveling long distances to be there.  My MOH asked me to talk to her again, and with a full schedule unfortunately the best I could do was send a email right now, gently asking again.  My question is how to I manage this without being overbearing but also respectful of the other girls?  

Re: bridesmaid mediator

  • One of my bridesmaids just mysteriously stopped communicating with the other bridesmaids about a month ago.  My MOH brought it to my attention after making many attempts to contact her.  I talked with her face to face about it, and yet she has still not responded.  This is a problem since she is the main person planning the bach. party but the other girls want to be involved in the planning since they will be splitting the cost.  Honestly, I understand their frustration, they will all be traveling long distances to be there.  My MOH asked me to talk to her again, and with a full schedule unfortunately the best I could do was send a email right now, gently asking again.  My question is how to I manage this without being overbearing but also respectful of the other girls?  
    Wow thats rough. Is there are reason she isn't responding? Busy etc? What did she say the last time that you talked to her.

    If it was me, I'd ask MOH if it was feasible for the other girls to take over bachelorette party, maybe she doesn't have time to plan or doesn't care. If the other girls wants to or have the time maybe they should switch tasks.

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Have you tried contacting your BM about non-wedding related things?  Maybe she has something going on in her life.  Try calling her to see if everything is ok with her.  Talk to her about only non-wedding things.

    As for your MOH and other BM.  I think you should tell your MOH that since she is interested in helping to plan but hasn't heard anything from this BM.  That she should send an email to the BM, saying that since no one has heard from her, that she would like to take over the planning for the b party.  I would also suggest that your MOH plan it without relying on this BM either, monetary or otherwise. 

    You should check on your BM first, but stay out of the planning of the b party. 
    southernbelle0915
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Maybe she's as busy as you are and she hasn't had time to call anyone. How did it come about that she is in charge of planning the bp? Did she volunteer?
                       
  • The details: She volunteered to plan it, and had been telling me her plans with a lot of excitement.  Unfortunately, we are having it on a property she owns, so the other girls really can't take over without her say so, since travel plans are made and can't be changed (we're about a week away).  I know she's busy,  but we we hang out every week, and the only wedding talk was me asking nicely again, for her to get in touch with them (I also like having a break from wedding talk).  She said she would call the MOH over the weekend, but never did.  She doesn't know the other girls, so unfortunately there's no other reason for them to get in touch.  I would understand if she was nervous to bring up money with people she didn't know, but she was fine with talking cost with them up to a month ago.  

    I guess I'm just stumped.  I like the idea of asking the BM if the MOH can take over.  I think it will kick her into gear one way or another.  Should I give it till the end of the week?  I don't want to pressure her too much since it was so nice of her vacation place for this - but the other girls want to know what to pack, what time to be there and most importantly how much it will cost!!!
  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Honestly, I think your best bet is to stay out of it. They never should have brought it to your attention. Perhaps she doesn't want any opinions and wants to do it alone. In that case, she forfeits financial help from the rest of the ladies. Honestly though, just stay out of it. They're grown and can work it out without you. It's not like it will affect the wedding.
    Teddy917
  • One of my bridesmaids just mysteriously stopped communicating with the other bridesmaids about a month ago.  My MOH brought it to my attention after making many attempts to contact her.  I talked with her face to face about it, and yet she has still not responded.  This is a problem since she is the main person planning the bach. party but the other girls want to be involved in the planning since they will be splitting the cost.  Honestly, I understand their frustration, they will all be traveling long distances to be there.  My MOH asked me to talk to her again, and with a full schedule unfortunately the best I could do was send a email right now, gently asking again.  My question is how to I manage this without being overbearing but also respectful of the other girls?  
    Uhm, no. The fact that your friend isn't communicating with you or with other people is a problem for a lot of reasons (depression, personal problems, etc.), but NOT because she's planning your bachelorette party. 
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • @hisgirlfriday13 sorry, but I feel it's a problem for the other girls involved.  I actually noted that she and I do communicate a lot, but she is not responding at all to the other girls.  I am trying not to push too hard, but I understand why the other BMs are upset, since she has already asked them to chip in with cost, but have not been given an amount or other details.  I am just trying to keep everyone happy.  Any advice on this score would be appreciated.
    [Deleted User]Bubblegum5586jendemeyer
  • Have them plan something else, without her involvement or financial contribution. You get a bachelorette party, they don't have to deal with the BM, everybody wins. 
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • If you see this girl every week, I would say this to her: 

    "hey, I know we're all super busy, but you need to know that the other BMs don't want to financially chip in for stuff when they have no idea what's going on. It sounds like they've tried to get in touch with you but haven't gotten any response. Why? If they weren't financially supporting this trip it wouldn't be an issue, but since they are they at least want to know what's going on. If there's something going on in your life that's making this hard, I want to be there for you and help you through it. Please let me know if there's a way that I can make this easier on you and on the other BMs." 
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    Bubblegum5586jendemeyer
  • thanks!  thats perfect. im having drinks with her tomorrow and will practice that
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