Future SIL drama - need help!

AlohaRach

Hi! I have 2 FSIL that i'm close with - they're both great!  They're also both older. (10-12 years older than me and my fiancé)  When we were picking our bridal party, I was asking my fiancé and my FMIL if I should ask his sisters to be in the WP - they both said no, they didn't think the sisters would be interested (because they're older, have already done the bridal party thing, whatever the reason).  I did ask the one sister's daughters to be jr bmaids/flower girl.  the other sister has no kids, but I was going to have her be involved in the wedding in another special way.  well, I come to find out, a few months later, after picking out my bridal pary, both future SIL are upset they weren't asked to be in the bridal party, and felt that they should have been asked because they are my fiancé's sisters.  I feel AWFUL and I don't know what to do at this point.  I feel if I ask them to be a part of it, they'll just say no; but on the flip side, I already have a huge bridal party.  I would of course have them in it because they are his sisters and I would have had them in the bridal party in the first place had I known they would have been upset because I really like them!  but I just didn't think they would want to be!  i'm just not sure how to fix this!  any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!!  Thanks!

itzMS

AlohaRach said:

Hi! I have 2 FSIL that i'm close with - they're both great!  They're also both older. (10-12 years older than me and my fiancé)  When we were picking our bridal party, I was asking my fiancé and my FMIL if I should ask his sisters to be in the WP - they both said no, they didn't think the sisters would be interested (because they're older, have already done the bridal party thing, whatever the reason).  I did ask the one sister's daughters to be jr bmaids/flower girl.  the other sister has no kids, but I was going to have her be involved in the wedding in another special way.  well, I come to find out, a few months later, after picking out my bridal pary, both future SIL are upset they weren't asked to be in the bridal party, and felt that they should have been asked because they are my fiancé's sisters.  I feel AWFUL and I don't know what to do at this point.  I feel if I ask them to be a part of it, they'll just say no; but on the flip side, I already have a huge bridal party.  I would of course have them in it because they are his sisters and I would have had them in the bridal party in the first place had I known they would have been upset because I really like them!  but I just didn't think they would want to be!  i'm just not sure how to fix this!  any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!!  Thanks!

You ask the bridal party members that YOU want. It's not necessary to have "boys on one side, girls on the other".

So if you truly wanted the FSIL's in the wedding pary, YOU should have asked them...not ask FI and FMIL.

If FI wanted them in the wedding party, they could stand on his side.

Just move on. Having siblings in the wedding party is not a requirement. None of my DH's siblings (5 in total) were in our wedding party, and we're all just fine today.

tammym1001

I think you should explain to them that you didn't think they would want to be in the bridal party (you don't have to say because of their age), apologize for not asking them even though you wanted to, and then move on. 

southernbelle0915

AlohaRach said:

Hi! I have 2 FSIL that i'm close with - they're both great!  They're also both older. (10-12 years older than me and my fiancé)  When we were picking our bridal party, I was asking my fiancé and my FMIL if I should ask his sisters to be in the WP - they both said no, they didn't think the sisters would be interested (because they're older, have already done the bridal party thing, whatever the reason).  I did ask the one sister's daughters to be jr bmaids/flower girl.  the other sister has no kids, but I was going to have her be involved in the wedding in another special way.  well, I come to find out, a few months later, after picking out my bridal pary, both future SIL are upset they weren't asked to be in the bridal party, and felt that they should have been asked because they are my fiancé's sisters. No. Being related to the bride or groom is not a one way ticket into the WP. Their assumption is rude. I feel AWFUL and I don't know what to do at this point. Nothing - you already picked your BMs. I feel if I ask them to be a part of it, they'll just say no; but on the flip side, I already have a huge bridal party.  I would of course have them in it because they are his sisters and I would have had them in the bridal party in the first place had I known they would have been upset because I really like them!  but I just didn't think they would want to be!  i'm just not sure how to fix this!  any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!!  Thanks!

If you want to involve them, you could ask them to be readers. Maybe they can read something together. I don't get why they need to stand up on your side though? Why can't they stand up on your FH's side - they're his sisters. 

I would not ask them to be BMs just because they think they should be. If you really want to extend the invite to them because that's what YOU want, fine. They can decline if they want to. 

Bubblegum5586

After I asked all my BM's I had gotten closer to my FSIL (or so I thought... that's another while story) so I asked her to be a reader and she seemed very happy to be a part of the wedding that way.

Blue_Bird

AlohaRach said:

Hi! I have 2 FSIL that i'm close with - they're both great!  They're also both older. (10-12 years older than me and my fiancé)  When we were picking our bridal party, I was asking my fiancé and my FMIL if I should ask his sisters to be in the WP - they both said no, they didn't think the sisters would be interested (because they're older, have already done the bridal party thing, whatever the reason).  I did ask the one sister's daughters to be jr bmaids/flower girl.  the other sister has no kids, but I was going to have her be involved in the wedding in another special way.  well, I come to find out, a few months later, after picking out my bridal pary, both future SIL are upset they weren't asked to be in the bridal party, and felt that they should have been asked because they are my fiancé's sisters.  I feel AWFUL and I don't know what to do at this point.  I feel if I ask them to be a part of it, they'll just say no; but on the flip side, I already have a huge bridal party.  I would of course have them in it because they are his sisters and I would have had them in the bridal party in the first place had I known they would have been upset because I really like them!  but I just didn't think they would want to be!  i'm just not sure how to fix this!  any advice would be GREATLY appreciated!!  Thanks!

There is no reason for you to feel bad, nor should you do anything. They are acting like spoiled brats.

misssunshine17

Can they do readings? I had one FSIL and not the other (FIs sister vs. my brother's FI) and the other is doing a reading since I felt like it was a slap to not include her in one way or another.

RainDancer218

True as others have said that you WP is people you choose, but in some families, in the interest of preserving the peace, sisters in law must be included. However I do not think a person necessarily must be in your WP to be included. I had 4 BMs and 3 other friends do readings. I invited these 3 to wear the same color dress as BMs if they wanted, they were invited to the rehearsal and dinner, and invited to my parent's house to get ready with us the morning of the wedding. This worked well for me. I was worried initially that some might have been offended to not be chosen for the WP, but my readers all seemed happy to be included while not having the same level of financial and time commitment of being a BM.