Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

How to include brother's fiance?

My brother got engaged a month before me - I'm not super close with his fiance but I really think she's great and am hoping we grow closer. My brother will be an usher at the wedding - I'd like to have his fiance participate somehow as a sort of gesture of inclusion and growing friendship...but not sure how. Any ideas? She's 40, so I don't want to give her something cheesy to do. Right now I have two nieces (teens) as program attendants, one niece as guest book attendant and another as gift table attendant (also teens). 
Daring to dream a bigger dream

Re: How to include brother's fiance?

  • If you're having any readings, you could ask her to do that.  She could be a female usher.
  • Ditto DramaGeek.  Also, any "attendant" job is not an honor.  It is a made up BS busy work job that can be done by a basket, table, book, etc.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • edited August 2012
    I agree with GLB. Have you already asked these teenagers? I strongly doubt that they are at all enthusiastic about their lame jobs.

    The only legitimate honor roles in a wedding are bridesmaid, groomsman, usher, reader, musician/singer, perhaps an officiant if they're qualified, or guest. You can give her a corsage to denote that she is family, if you like. We gave corsages/bouts to all parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles (siblings were already in the WP).

    Oh, and fiancée is the feminine version. A fiancé is a man.

    ETA: Flowergirl/ringbearer is also an honor, but we're not talking about children for the purposes of this post.
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  • What exactly is the role of the "gift table attendant?"  Does the poor child just have to stand there all night in case someone brings a gift and wants to put it on the table?
  • How about just giving her a flower corsage/pin like you would your own siblings / grandparents?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_how-to-include-brothers-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:336489db-391f-4362-889e-fbb930eaacd8Post:2d487dda-9373-4b87-9b7a-4541c30f2036">Re: How to include brother's fiance?</a>:
    [QUOTE]What exactly is the role of the "gift table attendant?"  Does the poor child just have to stand there all night in case someone brings a gift and wants to put it on the table?
    Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]

    <div>My cousin was our gift table attendant.  She desperately wanted a job and was thrilled to do this - she was 13 at the time.  She made sure the cards were securely fastened to the gifts, made sure people knew where the card box was, and was in general just a friendly face to direct people where they needed to go (bathroom, etc).  I never would have asked someone to do it, but she wanted to do something so badly that we indulged her with this.  We got her a corsage and everything and she was beaming to be so important.</div>
  • Actually, these teenagers are thrilled to have any part in my wedding. These are nice good kids - not snarky teens with attitude.  I think it will be fun for my nieces, who live out of town and don't see all of our relatives that often, to be able to hand out the programs and get to re-meet or meet some relatives for the first time as they arrive.

    The gift table attendant basically is there for the first 30 minutes while everyone arrives for the reception and drops their gifts; then she's free to do whatever she wants. Yes, it's helpful to have someone to direct people to the gift table when they walk in and are looking around - and my niece gets to feel like she's doing something that is helpful and being a part of my wedding.

     I may just have my bro's fiance wear a corsage to denote her as part of the inner family.

    I have to laugh at some of these responses - who determines what's a "legitimate job" - is there some legal wedding council that is setting up rules? I think each person's wedding is what they make it. If we're lucky, we have a lot of special and important people in our lives and we want to find a way for them to be a unique part of our special day. If you don't feel that way - then don't do it - but don't get on here and tell me that the roles I've selected are "lame" or that they're not "legitimate." For people so set on rules, what's right/wrong, good/bad, a couple of you sure don't follow any rules related to manners. I hope you do better with manners with your own wedding guests.  
    Daring to dream a bigger dream
  • to the people who have or had a gift table attendant. . . . in your area do people tend to bring boxed gifts to weddings?  At most NY weddings, at least all that I have been to, the norm is to just bring a card and a monetary gift.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_how-to-include-brothers-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:336489db-391f-4362-889e-fbb930eaacd8Post:71d4c4b8-15ea-49ee-84c6-1431ff09a278">Re: How to include brother's fiance?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Actually, these teenagers are thrilled to have any part in my wedding. These are nice good kids - not snarky teens with attitude.  I think it will be fun for my nieces, who live out of town and don't see all of our relatives that often, to be able to hand out the programs and get to re-meet or meet some relatives for the first time as they arrive. The gift table attendant basically is there for the first 30 minutes while everyone arrives for the reception and drops their gifts; then she's free to do whatever she wants. Yes, it's helpful to have someone to direct people to the gift table when they walk in and are looking around - and my niece gets to feel like she's doing something that is helpful and being a part of my wedding.  I may just have my bro's fiance wear a corsage to denote her as part of the inner family. I have to laugh at some of these responses - who determines what's a "legitimate job" - is there some legal wedding council that is setting up rules? I think each person's wedding is what they make it. If we're lucky, we have a lot of special and important people in our lives and we want to find a way for them to be a unique part of our special day. If you don't feel that way - then don't do it - but don't get on here and tell me that the roles I've selected are "lame" or that they're not "legitimate." <strong>For people so set on rules, what's right/wrong, good/bad, a couple of you sure don't follow any rules related to manners. I hope you do better with manners with your own wedding guests.</strong>  
    Posted by gottadance64[/QUOTE]

    You're the first person in the history of ever to say this.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_how-to-include-brothers-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:336489db-391f-4362-889e-fbb930eaacd8Post:01c34697-37a3-4158-b122-93a2e283bf0d">Re: How to include brother's fiance?</a>:
    [QUOTE]to the people who have or had a gift table attendant. . . . in your area do people tend to bring boxed gifts to weddings?  At most NY weddings, at least all that I have been to, the norm is to just bring a card and a monetary gift.
    Posted by kaos16[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yup.  I'd say 75% of our gifts were boxed gifts brought to the wedding.  It filled my godfather's suburban and a trailer.</div>
  • It's not only 'snarky teens' who would not enjoy being a program/gift/whatever attendant. I was a guestbook attendant once, and I know what a crap job it is. They might tell you they're 'thrilled' but I guarantee they will not be having fun.
    image
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