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Supporting a friend

I need some suggestions. A friend of mine is in a newer relationship, I think under 2 months. Her boyfriend recently moved across country back home (an internship ended locally) and they've decided to continue the relationship. They are attempting to visit each other alternating once a month. I know this is hard as I've done it before (though with less distance). What I'm writing for is she's already talking marriage. Even though they are both great people, I'm concerned what they are setting themselves up for in discussing marriage so early and over long distance. I want to support my friend, but still give her a reality check now and then.

They are tentatively discussing a possible marriage (though there's no current engagement) for 5 months from now. I've already warned her of the stresses that could happen from planning a quick wedding when you know each other very well, but what can I warn her about trying to plan all this when she's still learning about him/them?

I want to set her up for success, support her, and make sure she's got her eyes open all together. I want to make sure she sees both sides without being a downer on the situation, especially if this magically all pans out...

Re: Supporting a friend

  • That's hard... I think all you can really do is let her know how you feel about it and that it will be VERY stressful. When it really comes down to it, she'll probably continue on with it regardless of what you say, unless something happens with their relationship. 

    I understand your hesitance - i had a friend in a similar situation. her boyfriend got deployed and they immediately spoke of marriage, but it's a little different in that i feel he's been leading her on. she flew out to see him overseas and get married on base, but he decided not to at the last minute. she excuses it away though and says their relationship is better than ever... personally, i think it's all delusion.  but sometimes there's just no getting through to people.
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I know you're hesitant about the situation, but all you can do is continue to suupport your friend. To paraphrase Christopher Titus, Hallmark doesn't make a "Sorry I said your SO was a bad idea" card. Same goes for quick marriages, no matter how inadvisable.
    [Deleted User]CLoGreenEyes
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    She is an adult. She doesn't need to mother her. I think you just have to step back and be happy that your friend is happy.


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