We have reserved __1___ spot in your honor

Fran1985

Great way to prevent add ons. But that's the invite my fiance got today! I am pretty laid back, I don't even side eye cash bars that much. But I can't help feeling insulted by this. I had researched the hotels and stuff already, thank goodness I hadn't taken work off. I just assumed I would be invited. I've met the groom more than a few times. And this is a wedding my fiance would have to stay over two nights since its about 6 hours away, I'm really surprised I wasn't invited. 

HisGirlFriday13

A FI is not an add-on. A FI is an SO and should be invited. And your FI should be declining this invite by saying, "I'm sorry, but I'm not willing to attend a wedding where Boston2823 isn't welcome."

Fran1985

Oh he isn't going. He thinks its really rude too. 

Amsdragonfly

HisGirlFriday13 said:

A FI is not an add-on. A FI is an SO and should be invited. And your FI should be declining this invite by saying, "I'm sorry, but I'm not willing to attend a wedding where Boston2823 isn't welcome."

this 100%.

MobKaz

Will your FI attend without you?  I am hoping by the tense you used, your FI plans to decline.  And I hope he indicates the reason for his decline.  And, of course you can't help feeling insulted, because you were insulted.  I would love to know how they would feel had one of them been invited to a wedding that took place last month.

And, a post about ways to write RSVP's to avoid add on's is current over on Etiquette about wording for plus one's.  Sadly, nothing prevents a rude person from writing in whatever they want, regardless of what is printed on the card.

Xstatic3333

Wow, how rude. If they were trying to limit their guest list, they may regret what they wished for...

Fran1985

No he is definitely not going. I just didn't realize how bad it feels. I guess it just happened today but its hard to shrug off. 

Simply Fated

boston2823 said:

Oh he isn't going. He thinks its really rude too. 

I agree with both of you.

SingleMom31

In my mind, the obvious slight wouldn't necessarily warrant an automatic decline. If it was a close friend and SO wanted to go, I'd plan a girls night for the same time and not give it a second thought.

PS. Yes, you should have been invited. Obviously.

ElcaB

That's super shiesty. 

phira

Ugh I'm so sorry that happened to you and your fiance.

I already knew it was rude to invite "Person and Guest" when Person is in a relationship. But that still didn't prepare me for how disappointed I was when I got a "Phira and Guest" invitation to my grandmother's birthday (it's not a formal party, but it's going to be catered and stuff). My family isn't aware of my engagement, but they know my partner, and he and I have lived together for a year. It feels so cruddy to basically see this invitation that says, "Phira and whoever the heck" when they KNOW his name.

So I think I would feel even worse if one of us was invited to something and the other was left off entirely.

KeptInStitches

Glad he's supporting you. What a horrible thing his friend(?) did to you guys.

Fran1985

Yeah I saw the envelope and it didn't have my name and I go umm I don't think I'm invited. And he was like obviously you are invited. but then he opened it, said thats ridiculous, and filled out the decline card within 5 minutes. His groom is his friend- my impression of him is a nice, pretty chill dude. Very surprised by situation. Thanks for all the support everyone! 

MobKaz

boston2823 said:

Yeah I saw the envelope and it didn't have my name and I go umm I don't think I'm invited. And he was like obviously you are invited. but then he opened it, said thats ridiculous, and filled out the decline card within 5 minutes. His groom is his friend- my impression of him is a nice, pretty chill dude. Very surprised by situation. Thanks for all the support everyone! 

I know this might not sound plausible, but do you think there is a chance FI's friend might not even be aware of this slight?  There are some groom's that stay less involved in the process.

banana468

SingleMom31 said:

In my mind, the obvious slight wouldn't necessarily warrant an automatic decline. If it was a close friend and SO wanted to go, I'd plan a girls night for the same time and not give it a second thought.

PS. Yes, you should have been invited. Obviously.

A close friend would know not to ask my husband to attend an event where I wasn't welcome. It would probably have lasting damage on the relationship.

allispain

mobkaz said:

boston2823 said:

Yeah I saw the envelope and it didn't have my name and I go umm I don't think I'm invited. And he was like obviously you are invited. but then he opened it, said thats ridiculous, and filled out the decline card within 5 minutes. His groom is his friend- my impression of him is a nice, pretty chill dude. Very surprised by situation. Thanks for all the support everyone! 

I know this might not sound plausible, but do you think there is a chance FI's friend might not even be aware of this slight?  There are some groom's that stay less involved in the process.

I kind of agree with this. I know I had to ask DH whether certain guests were in relationships and needed to be invited with their SO, because while he may consider himself close to these people, I had never met them or hadn't seen them in a long time. Had I simply accepted the list that he gave me (which included his friends' names, but no SOs), we would have slighted a lot of people because he just didn't know that he had to invite SOs as well as his friends.

southernbelle0915

mobkaz said:

boston2823 said:

Yeah I saw the envelope and it didn't have my name and I go umm I don't think I'm invited. And he was like obviously you are invited. but then he opened it, said thats ridiculous, and filled out the decline card within 5 minutes. His groom is his friend- my impression of him is a nice, pretty chill dude. Very surprised by situation. Thanks for all the support everyone! 

I know this might not sound plausible, but do you think there is a chance FI's friend might not even be aware of this slight?  There are some groom's that stay less involved in the process.

This. Some men are super involved with planning and some are not. If he's not a very involved groom, this may be the faux pas of his FI. I'm not making excuses by any means - it's super rude. Maybe his FI sucks and he's super embarrassed. I would call to clarify.

bjhubble

 

allispain said:

mobkaz said:

boston2823 said:

Yeah I saw the envelope and it didn't have my name and I go umm I don't think I'm invited. And he was like obviously you are invited. but then he opened it, said thats ridiculous, and filled out the decline card within 5 minutes. His groom is his friend- my impression of him is a nice, pretty chill dude. Very surprised by situation. Thanks for all the support everyone! 

I know this might not sound plausible, but do you think there is a chance FI's friend might not even be aware of this slight?  There are some groom's that stay less involved in the process.

I kind of agree with this. I know I had to ask DH whether certain guests were in relationships and needed to be invited with their SO, because while he may consider himself close to these people, I had never met them or hadn't seen them in a long time. Had I simply accepted the list that he gave me (which included his friends' names, but no SOs), we would have slighted a lot of people because he just didn't know that he had to invite SOs as well as his friends.

I so agree with this.  FI didn't realize inviting SOs was necessary and then tried to justify still not inviting them because he was invited to a handful of their weddings where they excluded me and he still went.  (To be honest, we didn't know they were in the wrong at the time because we were young and I had never visited the E-board at that point in my life) 

Fran1985

I think its a little of column a and b. He is pretty involved in the wedding, but his fiance also knows we are engaged. the groom was collecting addresses and everything, and its a relatively small invite. I think this is one of those "married only" invite rules people make up. 

Simply Fated

boston2823 said:

I think its a little of column a and b. He is pretty involved in the wedding, but his fiance also knows we are engaged. the groom was collecting addresses and everything, and its a relatively small invite. I think this is one of those "married only" invite rules people make up. 

I hope not for your sake and this is just an honest mistake.

It's such a shitty made-up rule.
FWIW, my parents are divorced so any wedding pictures that people have with them in it have someone that isn't in the family/circle of friends anymore.
Meanwhile, my mom will never marry her boyfriend, but will probably be with him for a longer period of time than she was married to my dad. Marriage shouldn't automatically warrant an invitation more than other types of relationships. It's just not logical to me.

Also, when the wedding starts, the couple isn't even married.