Moms and Maids

Already stressing...

Hello all, I just started planning and my wedding is over a year away, but I've already started to ask people that I love to be my BM and MOH, but I've started getting concerned, specifically in regards to my FSILs. My FH has four sisters total and I'm only relatively close with two of them, but I'm trying to not only keep the wedding party small, but also even on both sides. My FH is having trouble finding more than 4 GMs and I already have 3 BMs, my two sisters and FSIL through his brother (I'm one of her BMs this october). I'm much much closer to her than I am to my FH's sisters, so is it wrong of me to not invite them to be part of the bridal party? What can I say to them if they ask?

It's really not a definite thing, but I'm just trying to think ahead to minimize stress down the road, because I feel like this might become an issue... any help is extremely appreciated!

Re: Already stressing...

  • Wedding parties don't have to be even on both sides.  Nor do you have to include all of his siblings as your attendants.  If you are close to only two of your FI's sisters, then you could ask them if you want.  But you don't have to.  
    image
    kg00668
  • First off, there's no need to have even sides. If you're worried about processing in, one GM can walk with two BM's, as an example.

    If you're not interested in having his sisters be BM's, what about having them do readings? They could also get corsages as VIPs and be included in photos. Just be sure not to give them crap jobs like guest book attendant.
    kg00668
  • First, don't worry about even sides. Second, if anyone asks, just say that you've already picked your wedding party. No need for an explanation.
    kg00668
  • You don't have to include them if you aren't close but I think it's really crappy to not include people just to have even sides - they are people not props.


  • Okay. I see where everyone is coming from on the uneven sides things, but I really would like there to be one maid per GM - I think it feels awkward having them walk down by themselves and in pictures. Maybe I'm picky, but the more maids I have, the more expensive it's going to be also. Maybe I'm just making excuses for not wanting one of them in the party, I don't even know right now... but I do like the two BMs for a single GM, that sounds cute. Thanks for the advice.
  • kg00668 said:
    Okay. I see where everyone is coming from on the uneven sides things, but I really would like there to be one maid per GM - I think it feels awkward having them walk down by themselves and in pictures. Maybe I'm picky, but the more maids I have, the more expensive it's going to be also. Maybe I'm just making excuses for not wanting one of them in the party, I don't even know right now... but I do like the two BMs for a single GM, that sounds cute. Thanks for the advice.
    True for both sides. It's a good idea to keep that in mind as well.
    kg00668
  • When they walk down the aisle, they can go single file.  After the ceremony, you can double up and by then, nobody notices.  Just because you are close to two of the siblings now does not mean you won't get close with the other two in the future.  Try not to start your marriage with hurt feelings.
    melbelleup
  • If your FI wants his sisters in the bridal party, why doesn't he ask them to stand up for him? DH had one of his closest friends, who happens to be a woman, be a "groomswoman" - she wore a dress by the same designer as the BM dresses, but in grey to match the GM's suits.

    Between DH and I, we have 3 sisters. I'm not super close to mine, and hadn't even met one of his until the rehearsal. We asked all 3 to do readings. My sister read the shorter reading we picked out and DH's sister split the longer one.

    Also, there is no rule that every sibling must be involved in the wedding. I have a friend who got married this summer. Her now-husband has 6 brothers. He asked 2 of them to be GMs, and the other 4 were totally fine with that. They knew that he also had friends that he wanted to include in the bridal party.

    There are lots of ways you can handle this situation. However, I think the best way is to consult with your FI and see how he wants to include them. After all, they're his sisters so he should really be the one with the strongest voice.
    image
    kg00668
  • I would only invite those you feel closest to, which sounds like the three you've already picked. FI can definitely include his sisters if he would like, no problem! I'd also like to be one more voice urging you not to worry about even sides. People are more important than numbers, and the day itself is more important than the pictures. I do think its fine to have the overall goal of keeping it small, but if you have 3 and he has 4 (or 6 or whatever!) it really doesn't matter. Good luck!
  • Thank you all for the wonderful advice. My FH didn't honestly care if they were involved in the wedding, but I'll keep all of this in mind when making this decision!
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