Men!!!!! Vent!!!! Pulling my hair out!!!!

Soon to Be Mrs Jay

Good Morning everybody

Boy, I could kill my lovely FI. After making a lot of final decisions, he has decided he wants to change some things. So we were sitting around just talking and he tells me he wants to now have ceremony at church. I could have fell out my chair. We booked our venue back in March and is almost paid in full now he wants to change everything. So I call and of course our church will not do a ceremony on a Sunday evening. Against the rules.... And our pastor secretary said he was only doing the ceremony at our venue cause we are friends of his daughter. WOW!!!!!! So I asked her if I found another church to do it at would he do it? She said no. I'm like what's the difference. She had no reply.

So I speak to my FI and tell him all this info and he is still like he really wants a church wedding. Groomzilla!!!!!!!!. So than I call reception venue and talk to manager and she is like we have a signed contract and I need to either have ceremony there or pay for an extra 1/2 hour of open bar and add two more appetizers. 

I feel like a stretchy doll. FI pulling one way and venue pulling another. UGH!!!

I know there has to be an answer to satisfy both parties. Either way we will have to pay out more money. Something I did not want to do. Money for limo, money for church, money for minister. More money for decorations. Help!!!!!!!

island07b2b

Gotta love men right?  Woosah.  How willing is your FI to find a church for your ceremony since he made the change?  It seems to me you've done a lot of work and still nothing.  Maybe he should be asking around too unless he has already.   At the end of the day I am sure you will find a spot that works.  Hang in there.  

Soon to Be Mrs Jay

@ island07b2b: He did already. The ones he found were all on the opposite side of town from where our venue is located. People say woman are indecisive.... NOT!!! Thanks for the encouragement. I at work today checking the internet for solutions. My coworker suggested maybe see if the venue will let us have a second smaller room and decorate like a chapel. Will call on Tuesday and see if that is possible.

island07b2b

So is it that your FH wants to be married in the church or just wants a church like feel to the spot where he says his  I Do's?  If it's the latter than you coworker's idea sounds like a good idea.   I hope it works out soon for you so you can cross this off the list (again).  

tirathemrs

Girl Relax, Relate, Release... I wish I had some kinda suggestion to help you outhit unfortunately I'm at a lost for words... I do however hopes this all works out for you and of course we are here if you need us

thedivav

humm my Fiance pulled that when i was about to the money on the venue

i told him this is it dude

you can go find a venue if you dont like this one... i was done at this point 

[Deleted User]

yikes.   giggling @ stretchy doll!   well lovie I'm not sure what state you're in but marriage is, amongst other things, still a legal contract.  There are some states that prohibit a clergyman/woman from performing a ceremony at a church where he/she does not have an active ministry.  Above you said he had no problem performing the ceremony at your (non church) venue, which is what makes me speculate that the issue is performing it a church outside his own ministry or performing it in a church on a Sunday.   Either wh'ay it shouldn't be a mystery, the church secretary should've been able to explain that (if she knows it) and if she doesn't, you sound like close enough family friends with the pastor to be able to ask him nicely yourself. 

Anyhoo, I digress.  First thing I'd do is have a heart to heart with groomie and cover your options.

A.  marry in the venue, with your pastor, as planned. 
B.  tell him how much ya'll will lose due to the plan change, and assuming he's okay with that, let go of the idea of being married by your pastor and find a nearby church you both like. 
C.  while you're having this come to Jesus, ask him why it's really important to him all of a sudden that the ceremony be performed in church and if you see it from his point of view and it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy (and you don't care either way) take this one for the team and then tell him he's gonna need a part time hustle for changing all your shyt.  <--- paraphrase this part.   lol.  

keep us posted!!

tirathemrs

yikes.   giggling @ stretchy doll!   well lovie I'm not sure what state you're in but marriage is, amongst other things, still a legal contract.  There are some states that prohibit a clergyman/woman from performing a ceremony at a church where he/she does not have an active ministry.  Above you said he had no problem performing the ceremony at your (non church) venue, which is what makes me speculate that the issue is performing it a church outside his own ministry or performing it in a church on a Sunday.   Either wh'ay it shouldn't be a mystery, the church secretary should've been able to explain that (if she knows it) and if she doesn't, you sound like close enough family friends with the pastor to be able to ask him nicely yourself. 

Anyhoo, I digress.  First thing I'd do is have a heart to heart with groomie and cover your options.

A.  marry in the venue, with your pastor, as planned. 
B.  tell him how much ya'll will lose due to the plan change, and assuming he's okay with that, let go of the idea of being married by your pastor and find a nearby church you both like. 
C.  while you're having this come to Jesus, ask him why it's really important to him all of a sudden that the ceremony be performed in church and if you see it from his point of view and it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy (and you don't care either way) take this one for the team and then tell him he's gonna need a part time hustle for changing all your shyt.  <--- paraphrase this part.   lol.  

keep us posted!!

THIS.... ALL DAY!

aquari0216

HE BETTA GET HIS LIFE!!

thedivav

aquari0216 said:

HE BETTA GET HIS LIFE!!

hahahaha 

Soon to Be Mrs Jay

Yall ladies are so funny!!!! I love yall.........

So update: Spoke with Pastor myself and he does not want to do wedding that late in the hour. He said it did not matter if it was at our church, my venue, or another church, he could not do it. His reason for the decision was he has travel obligations the next day( Memorial Day). He understands us not being able to change the time.

As far as heart to heart with the groomzilla. His reason for wanting to change ceremony locations is reasonable but not possible at this time. He has been married before and it did not work out. He was bitter for years towards the subject of marriage. One reason I was shocked when he proposed. So according to him, through our premarital counseling he had his own "Come to Jesus" moment and discovered that many pieces were missing from that marriage. The important piece was GOD. So he wants to start off our marriage in a GOD-ly place. Our sanctuary. I understand his view. 

Our Solution: I was planning to attend church the day of our wedding anyway since my ceremony is not until 7pm. So we will both attend. Our pastor will have a brief prayer with us. Give us his blessings. We were going to just have a private ceremony that morning but the pastor who will do ceremony at 7 did not agree with that plan. I am like whatever. Groomzilla is happy with plan. Venue is happy. And I get to keep my extra money in my pockets......

Thanks for all the advice.

[Deleted User]

Our Solution: I was planning to attend church the day of our wedding anyway since my ceremony is not until 7pm. So we will both attend. Our pastor will have a brief prayer with us. Give us his blessings. We were going to just have a private ceremony that morning but the pastor who will do ceremony at 7 did not agree with that plan. I am like whatever. Groomzilla is happy with plan. Venue is happy. And I get to keep my extra money in my pockets......

Thanks for all the advice.

I don't like, I lurve.  Good job Girl!!!!

Soon to Be Mrs Jay

@sultryzulu- Glad you lurve it. I was a little iffy about the seeing each other at first but its for a good cause. My pastor told us, " Just cause yall seeing each other early does not mean yall can break the no sex rule. I burst out laughing.........

marsm4

Sounds like a GREAT plan! Yay!!

 

thedivav

You are better than me U go girl