Garter Toss Question

mimiphin

Alrighty, So before everyone goes stabby on me, let me explain.
As some of you can tell from my replies, I am Canadian (Northern BC to be exact), So you have a Hoser in the house! I was thinking that its crazy how against the garter toss most of you are. Every wedding I have been to has had the bouquet/garter tosses, then I saw a very, very, very long post/argument where I started seeing something about whoever catches the garter, puts it on the the winner of the bouquet toss. - SAY WHAT??
Is this just an American thing that we just don't do here- like not taking shoes off in the house or did I miss the memo when this started?
Also, I am not proud to admit it but I was (I now attend weekly meetings) one of those girls who would dive bomb to catch the bouquet I think I have caught about 2-3 of them, so I really would have known if this was happening.

misshart00

I'm American. Every wedding I've ever been to had the bouquet and garter toss, including my own. I had never heard of putting the garter on the other person until TK. It kind of horrifies me.

Maggie0829

I am not sure when the whole "putting the garter on the bouquet catcher" started or where it started but I hate both the bouquet and garter toss.  It is said that (I think) for every inch the garter is placed above the knee of the bouquet catcher equals so many years good luck or that many more years the couple will be married, or something dumb like that.

I hate the bouquet toss because it singles out the single ladies and when you start to creep up to your 30's or are in your 30's usually (not always) there aren't that many singles ladies left at the reception so when it is just 2 or 3 ladies that can be a bit embarrassing for them.

I hate the garter toss mainly because I just think it is gross to watch a groom dig around under the brides dress when their parents, grandparents, and however many guests are watching.  I really don't need to see that.  If you want to grope your new wife then do it in the privacy of your hotel room.

But in the end, if you love both the bouquet and garter toss more power to you.  Just don't force people to participate in it, that's all.

KeptInStitches

I'm American, and every wedding I've been to has had a bouquet and garter toss. I'm NEY but I know I won't be doing them because I'm not comfortable with the traditions. I haven't seen the guy who catches the garter put it on the winner of the bouquet toss, though.

ETA: For what it's worth, I'm from the Northern Plains.

doeydo

I'm Canadian, too.  I have seen bouquet and garter tosses at every wedding I've been to but never the "winners" doing anything with each other.

Maggie0829

@KeptInStitches and @misshart00 maybe it is a regional thing because all the weddings I have been to the garter catcher puts the garter on the bouquet catcher.

LDubHawksFan

American, representing both Midwest and California weddings I've attended, and ever wedding I've been to had the garter and bouquet toss. They have never bothered me at all, though I've never seen a truly grabby show by the groom up the dress, so maybe that's why. I had never heard of the "tradition" where the guy catching the garter has to put it on the girl who caught the bouquet until The Knot and I would totally be turned off by the custom and terrified to be a single lady at a wedding if that was the case!

Maggie, I see your region does that. Where are you from??

Edit: we did both, but my garter was at my knee and H just quickly removed it without going up the dress. We then put it in a football for the toss (he was QB in HS and we just thought it would be cute). A quick pic with the two who caught them, who happened to be a couple now engaged, and then that was the end of it. On to dancing and cake!!

daveANDkristen

I'm in St. Louis, Missouri, USA and have been to weddings here as well as in Kansas City, Missouri and Chicago, Illinois.  I don't think tosses are particularly memorable so I can't swear that every wedding I've been to (about a dozen) have had them.  They are very common in my circle though, and I've never seen the garter put on the woman who catches the bouquet.  Not to say it doesn't happen, it obviously does.  I'm just not really sure how common it is.  I have also not personally been to a wedding where the groom removed the bride's garter with his teeth or anything raunchy like that.  My husband just removed mine with his hands and wasn't gross about it.  I understand some people might not like the tradition in any case.

allispain

Most of the weddings I've been to in the northeast (USA) have involved the catcher of the garter putting it on the catcher of the bouquet. Shudder. I haven't seen anything similar in the south, though I think that may be because I haven't seen any bouquet or garter tosses in those weddings...

MayDay513

mimiphin said:

Alrighty, So before everyone goes stabby on me, let me explain.
As some of you can tell from my replies, I am Canadian (Northern BC to be exact), So you have a Hoser in the house! I was thinking that its crazy how against the garter toss most of you are. Every wedding I have been to has had the bouquet/garter tosses, then I saw a very, very, very long post/argument where I started seeing something about whoever catches the garter, puts it on the the winner of the bouquet toss. - SAY WHAT??
Is this just an American thing that we just don't do here- like not taking shoes off in the house or did I miss the memo when this started?
Also, I am not proud to admit it but I was (I now attend weekly meetings) one of those girls who would dive bomb to catch the bouquet I think I have caught about 2-3 of them, so I really would have known if this was happening.

I'm not against it. It just wasn't for us. I attended my first wedding in August last year that had the bouquet catcher and garter catcher do that. IT WAS WEIRD. I'm from Seattle and have been to 15+ weddings that I can remember. Never saw it before until this one. I didn't happen at mine and has never happened in DH's family either (I asked, and they all looked at me like I was a looney pervert).

Maggie0829

@lwoehlk I am from Maryland so maybe it is a Northeast thing.  Damn the northeast for making this a thing at weddings.  **hangs head in shame because of my region**

davisse3

Maggie0829 said:

@lwoehlk I am from Maryland so maybe it is a Northeast thing.  Damn the northeast for making this a thing at weddings.  **hangs head in shame because of my region**

The first time I saw it was at a wedding in Florida between a native Floridian and Polish guy. My fiance's little sister caught the garter. That was an awkward moment for us...

EDIT: Bouquet. She caught the bouquet. 

smalfrie19

huynhette said:

mimiphin said:

Alrighty, So before everyone goes stabby on me, let me explain.
As some of you can tell from my replies, I am Canadian (Northern BC to be exact), So you have a Hoser in the house! I was thinking that its crazy how against the garter toss most of you are. Every wedding I have been to has had the bouquet/garter tosses, then I saw a very, very, very long post/argument where I started seeing something about whoever catches the garter, puts it on the the winner of the bouquet toss. - SAY WHAT??
Is this just an American thing that we just don't do here- like not taking shoes off in the house or did I miss the memo when this started?
Also, I am not proud to admit it but I was (I now attend weekly meetings) one of those girls who would dive bomb to catch the bouquet I think I have caught about 2-3 of them, so I really would have known if this was happening.

I'm not against it. It just wasn't for us. I attended my first wedding in August last year that had the bouquet catcher and garter catcher do that. IT WAS WEIRD. I'm from Seattle and have been to 15+ weddings that I can remember. Never saw it before until this one. I didn't happen at mine and has never happened in DH's family either (I asked, and they all looked at me like I was a looney pervert)

I am a Seattle native as well and I have NEVER seen anything like this happen at any wedding i have been to..also before TK I had NEVER heard of a dollar dance.

chellekel

I am from Michigan, and every wedding that I have been to that had the garter and bouquet toss had the catcher of the garter put it on the catcher of the bouquet.  I will not be doing either at my wedding.  Mostly because I remember hating being singled out for the bouquet toss as I got older.

MayDay513

@smalfrie19- The only time I heard of the dollar dance was when my cousin started planning and was adamant about not having one.

SKPM

I was a California bride last summer. I have seen the tosses done at plenty of weddings, but never with the added activity with the garter catcher putting it on the bouquet catcher.

I've never particularly enjoyed the bouquet toss tradition, and we did not do either toss. I've participated a few times at the urging of some drunken aunts at a family wedding.

To me, the idea that every woman should be striving to get married (since catching the bouquet is said to "reward" the lucky lady with the next nuptials), that every woman wants to get married, or that every woman even CAN get legally married is more than a bit presumptuous. That, and I loathe the idea of corralling all of the single maidens who haven't snagged a husband yet onto the dance floor so that we married folk can watch them fight for a bridal bouquet to be chucked at them.

/rant.

Dreamergirl8812

SKPM said:

I was a California bride last summer. I have seen the tosses done at plenty of weddings, but never with the added activity with the garter catcher putting it on the bouquet catcher.

I've never particularly enjoyed the bouquet toss tradition, and we did not do either toss. I've participated a few times at the urging of some drunken aunts at a family wedding.

To me, the idea that every woman should be striving to get married (since catching the bouquet is said to "reward" the lucky lady with the next nuptials), that every woman wants to get married, or that every woman even CAN get legally married is more than a bit presumptuous. That, and I loathe the idea of corralling all of the single maidens who haven't snagged a husband yet onto the dance floor so that we married folk can watch them fight for a bridal bouquet to be chucked at them.

/rant.

^^^ Yes. I remember being turned off by the bouquet toss when I was like 10. I thought the women were being singled out and degraded for their singleness. And I thought the ones who went bonkers trying to get it (clawing at other women, knocking other women to the ground) looked really pathetic.

OliveOilsMom

I'm from the NE as well and usually the garter gets placed on the "lucky" lady who catches the bouquet.  Once my brother & sister attended a wedding.  My sister caught the bouquet and then my brother dove for the garter!  He didn't realize what happens when you catch the garter!  Once someone told him, he threw the garter and ran out of the room!  My sister was equally horrified! 

I didn't know the reasoning behind why to put the garter on the bouquet catchers leg, but Maggie's post sounds plausible.

mimiphin

I personally don't have anything against them and we will probably do them, but I can see where some people don't I was at a wedding in Aug where I was the only unmarried lady over the age of 12... kind of sucked but I laughed it off and let the little girls get it.

Also in my experiance the garter is funny and ammusing, I was at one wedding where the Groom was in the Military and they played the Mission Impossble music during it and tied his hands behind his back, it was a riot!

ashleyep

allispain said:

Most of the weddings I've been to in the northeast (USA) have involved the catcher of the garter putting it on the catcher of the bouquet. Shudder. I haven't seen anything similar in the south, though I think that may be because I haven't seen any bouquet or garter tosses in those weddings...

Yep. I've seen pictures at my parents wedding in Massachusetts from the 80s.

I don't think I've seen it much recently, I honestly can't remember. 

mellyD2014

Yeah, I'm also from the northeast (NJ) and every wedding I've gone to has had both, along with the placing of the garter on the lucky gal who catches it. It's never bothered me, but I've never seen a DJ force single people up on the dance floor. I've also noticed that "single" ladies are those who could be in long-term relationships, really anyone who isn't married, in terms of this tradition. I'll definitely be having both at my wedding next year, and I've caught the bouquet on 2 occasions myself. As long as no one is being forced into participating, I think it's a fun event!

Dreamergirl8812

mimiphin said:

I personally don't have anything against them and we will probably do them, but I can see where some people don't I was at a wedding in Aug where I was the only unmarried lady over the age of 12... kind of sucked but I laughed it off and let the little girls get it.

Also in my experiance the garter is funny and ammusing, I was at one wedding where the Groom was in the Military and they played the Mission Impossble music during it and tied his hands behind his back, it was a riot!

ashleyep

mellyD2014 said:

Yeah, I'm also from the northeast (NJ) and every wedding I've gone to has had both, along with the placing of the garter on the lucky gal who catches it. It's never bothered me, but I've never seen a DJ force single people up on the dance floor. I've also noticed that "single" ladies are those who could be in long-term relationships, really anyone who isn't married, in terms of this tradition. I'll definitely be having both at my wedding next year, and I've caught the bouquet on 2 occasions myself. As long as no one is being forced into participating, I think it's a fun event!

My friend got married in July and I know that I wasn't the only engaged lady up there when she tossed it! 

simplykayla

I live in Arizona, and I've seen garter/bouquet tosses at every wedding I've been to here except for one. Money dances are fairly common as well. FSIL did a money dance and recommended it to me saying they made a couple hundred dollars from it - so glad FI spoke up and said yeahh, no!

Because our wedding will be just immediate family, we decided against a garter toss because it would just be too awkward haha. But we will be doing the bouquet toss, but only because all the single gals will be 18 and under, so there won't be any older single ladies to single out.

But I have never seen where the garter gets put on the girl who caught the bouquet. Eww.

GypsyWife_

Yes i have caught a bouquet and had the garter put on me and taken off by a blindfolded groomsmen. I was 9 years old. It was inappropriate to say the least, everyone was laughing. drunk people don't make good decisions.

orangecrush32

Every wedding i've been to has had both tosses and the garter is always placed on the woman who caught the bouquet. I didn't realize this wasn't standard practice. i guess it's just a north east thing. I'm from western PA.

Sharpschruter22

I was HORRIFIED when my photographer announced that the one who caught the garter would be putting it on the one who caught the bouquet. I was too far away to keep it from happening and I was mortified. My 8 year old ring bearer put the garter on my 28 year old cousin. We don't do that in my circle, but I guess in my photog's circle they do. I wish she had ok'd it with me beforehand.

LizM61409

I've seen that done (from VA). I did catch my aunt's bouquet when I was 7, thankfully there was no garter-catching complement that time.

PPs have brought up a good point about how many single ladies there will actually be... I have always thought I'd toss the bouquet, but now I'm gonna have to look at my guest list again and maybe nix it depending on how many unmarried ladies will be invitied

Ashes_3

Jumping in late from Ohio, it is hit or miss here on whether the garter is put on the catcher. We did both tosses but invited everyone, married and single on the floor for the catch. We tied lottery tickets to the bouquet and the garter. Our minister (also uncle of the groom) caught the garter, returned it to my husband even though it was a spare and won money on the lottery tickets. A girlfriend of a guest caught the bouquet and won $2.00 and 2 free scratch tickets. We wanted to try and make it fun for everyone.

Simply Fated

I've never knew that anyone wouldn't know that part of the tradition.
The garter catcher putting the garter on the bridesmaid is PART of the garter toss/bouquet toss tradition.
I've only ever known them to go hand in hand.


Luckily that part of the tradition has been dying out. My friends and I always let the flower girl or any little girl catch the bouquet. The DJ doesn't have the guy put the garter on her. We try to get the guys to do the same, with the ring bearer or little boy, but there is always one or two guys who don't play along.

Xstatic3333

They're common in my circle (MA) but usually either the FG catches the bouquet or the whole thing is rigged so that each item goes to a long-term couple who is getting married soon anyway, so I've never seen it get too awkward.

At my wedding, we did a bouquet with lottery tickets that all were welcome to catch. Everyone on the dance floor really stayed to try, but whadda ya know, the FG caught it anyway. We skipped the garter toss; we're really not into PDA so there's no way that was happening.