Is it normal to have doubts?

Wedqueen12

I'm happy to be getting married but lately I've been having a lot of doubts. Is this a normal thing to be feeling? I just wondered. I'm also having a really hard time staying motivated after work i just feel like being lazy which is so unlike me it's like I'm in a funk or something. Can anyone offer some advice?

HisGirlFriday13

Doubts about what? That you want to get married? That you want to marry your FI? That you're making a mistake?

I'm 38 days out, and the only thing I'm questioning is why on earth we invited so many people! I feel like our guest list is HUGE -- even though we have a 15 percent decline rate right now.

So, no, I think if you're having doubts about your FI, then that's not normal, and you need to evaluate what's really going on.

Wedqueen12

I'm not having doubts about my FI though I do know that much. Getting married is a huge step and there are some days where I'm not sure whether I'm ready to take that step or not. It's all so stressful planning, and trying to make arrangements. I feel like my family isnt being supoortive and I really need them to be.  

Jells2dot0

I was pretty young when I got married the first time- engaged while still in college and married by 24. I had doubts about the relationship and wasn't really sure about who I was. It would have been nice f I had listened to myself. I was divorced two years later. I also had doubts about the type of wedding I had- big, fancy, ridiculously expensive wedding. That is normal because you're going to stress about the details and I'm sure some people worry about finances. So, when I got married again, I made sure to not a plan the type of wedding that would stress me out (and I also chose a person to marry that I don't think twice about!)

Dreamergirl8812

Wedqueen12 said:

I'm happy to be getting married but lately I've been having a lot of doubts. Is this a normal thing to be feeling? I just wondered. I'm also having a really hard time staying motivated after work i just feel like being lazy which is so unlike me it's like I'm in a funk or something. Can anyone offer some advice?

I've been feeling that way too lately, though really just about my career. I've been struggling for a while but it's like 100 degrees in San Diego so I attribute my lack of motivation to that.

If you're nervous about marriage, you should reach out to your besties. You also need to think back to before you were engaged. I knew 2 years ago that even though we hadn't made (explicit) plans to marry I would marry him on the spot if he wanted to. Whenever I get nervous about marriage I think of that.

Also, yoga. Or kickboxing. Or the freakin treadmill. Seriously. When I'm working out regularly I have energy during the day and I sleep well at night.

kerbohl

You added having the doubts because the wedding planning is stressful along with being unmotivated after work . . . could they be related and have to do with health?  Are you just unmotivated or are you tired?  Maybe you are low on iron or not getting enough sleep?  The changing of the seasons?  Or maybe you are just taking too much on right now with work as well as wedding planning and that is making you not want to do anything at all?  Could be lots of things, really. 

MoonlightSilver

I had doubts about whether I picked thte right venue or invited the right people. But no doubts about the man I chose. Sometimes the enormity of what marriage meant would hit me, and I'd have to step back and think, but I was never unsure about forever with this guy. 

WinstonsGirl

If the doubts are about the wedding itself, which it sounds to be, then I'd guess that's just nerves over the whole planning of a big event.  If it is doubts over your FI, I'd say take a step back and postpone the wedding until you sort out your issues.  But it sounds like you're sure of him.  

If you need support with planning, tell your family.  Personally, I'd rely on my Mom for that, since we get on so well.  If I told her I was stressing, she'd be right there to help out.  Do you have someone like that you can just tell you need help and get it??  And lean on your FI.  He's getting married too and should be part of the planning and organizing too

Jells2dot0

Wedqueen12 said:

I'm not having doubts about my FI though I do know that much. Getting married is a huge step and there are some days where I'm not sure whether I'm ready to take that step or not. It's all so stressful planning, and trying to make arrangements. I feel like my family isnt being supoortive and I really need them to be.  

You poste this at the same time I was responding to your original post. So, now i'll address this! I think planning a "big" wedding- meaning a traditional wedding with guests, family, poofy dress, and a lot of money- makes everyone stressed out at some point. If you feel like your family isn't being supportive, you may want to consider scaling things back and having a more private, personal ceremony. That could be just family or it could mean just the two of you. As I said above, I was married previously so I was on a mission to not repeat any of the same wedding mistakes I made the first time. That meant removing everything that was stressful and dramatic, which meant eloping and having a DW. It's not for everyone, especially if you want certain people there for your bid day, but I don't regret what I did for a millisecond.

WonderRed

I had doubts about my first marriage:  as in the guy, the way he was treating/prioritizing me, how long it would last, feeling like it was too late to change my mind.   Everyone told me "duobts" are normal and convinced me it was just jitters.  Our divorced was finalized 2 years later.  Those are not the kinds of  doubts any bride should have.

This time I feel overwhelmed by  how important and big  of a step this this is but fully know, by comparison, that this is what normal cold feet & jitters  feels like. We almost eloped and canceled the wedding because I was so freaked out for about a week but I have never for a second questioned if he is the right guy.   I have ZERO doubts about him.  Absolutely none.

ElcaB

If you're having doubts, you need to take a time-out to figure out the reason why. If you're not sure if you're ready to get married, you shouldn't. 

I'd suggest going with FI to premarital counseling - or even get some counseling yourself. One thing I feel is very important (in any marriage) is working on the relationship beforehand. Do that and it should help you figure out your feelings. 

southernbelle0915

You said you're doubting whether you're ready for this big step in your life. If you are having these doubts, I would advise you seriously consider postponing the wedding - not breaking of the engagement or anything like that, but just putting the brakes on for a while. 

KatWAG

Have you talked to your fi about this? What does he say?

jomr

I hope it's normal! I'm 2 weeks from my wedding and have become a ball of nerves. I wish we had just gone to the courthouse the day he proposed and got married on the spot. We have been together almost 5 years and engaged for 1.5 years. In that year and a half we bought a house, both got promotions, and there were some serious medical problems in my family. It was a stressful time without adding in planning a wedding. My besties all live elsewhere and I feel like I am alone and drowning. I don't doubt that I want to marry him, I just wish we had skipped the wedding!