Moms and Maids

Introducing Maids

Hi everyone! I am getting married next summer and have already selected my bridesmaids. My wedding party includes my sister (my MOH), my 2 best friends and my finace's 3 sisters. I moved from CT to MA 2 years ago to be with my fiance so long story short is that my fiance's sisters do not know my 2 friends or my sister very well. In addtion my 2 friends from CT know each other but are not close(I am know them from different points in my life). Any tips on how to get them together in a friendly way so they can exchange numbers/get to know one another a little bit? In addition half of them are an hour or so away in CT and the rest of us are here in MA. Money is as always a tricky subject so I don't want to have my girls spending a lot of money traveling too often etc. Any tips on how to balance having half of them in one state and half in the other? I don't want anyone to feel pressured/excluded.

Re: Introducing Maids

  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    They don't have to be buddy-buddy, and you'll probably be happier overall if you let that idea go. They just have to get along the day of the wedding, and if they're adults, they'll do that anyway. Otherwise, if they express interest in getting to know each other, you could ask if it's okay to pass email addresses around so they can work on their own terms.
    Blue_BirdmelbelleupCLoGreenEyes
  • I don't expect them to be new best friends at all. I just meant since they don't really know each other (some of them have never even met) I wanted to find a way for them to at least all get together so they can be comfortable planning things like the shower, dress shopping, etc together. I was just wondering if anyone had been in a similar situation and how they worked it out. Also my sister is from a different time era apparently and rarely uses her email which is frustrating! :)
  • My maids included my sister, H's sister, and my two friends who didn't know each other. Nobody had ever met and between the four of them, they lived in three unique states. A family friend threw a shower and they all came so they met there, but otherwise they wouldn't have known each other and it would've been no big deal.

    I wouldn't force it. If it works out, great. If someone offers to throw you a shower or a bach, make sure they're all invited. If they all attend, they can meet there. If not, don't sweat it. :)
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    Blue_Bird
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    scribe95 said:

    If they all lived nearby I would say a casual lunch would be nice but they don't and therefore I don't think it's necessary.

    Also, I see you are ASSUMING they will plan a shower for you. They might, they might not. That is none of your concern until someone offers to host a shower for you. If that happens you can exchange emails and then stay out of it.


    ^^What she said!! Plus, as PP said, they don't need to get to know each other. Some of my kid's BMs met when they chose a dress, the others met at the shower the MOH threw. To coordinate the bachelorette, the MOH made a FB group with the contact info from the bride. They haven't talked since. They are your friends. They don't need to be friends with each other.
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You could host a bridesmaids' luncheon or something like that.  Nothing formal or with gifts.
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    newenglandgal0802
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2013
    They're grown women. They'll be fine without a play date. They can get to know each other during the wedding process - RD, getting ready, reception, etc.

    ETA: One less thing for you to worry about. If they throw you a shower or b party they'll ask for contact info.



    Anniversary
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    Blue_BirdCLoGreenEyes
  • Another vote for don't force it. My MOH asked for everyone's emails and that was all I did to introduce them. Some of them actually did end up becoming friends, which was great, but before that happened I think the shower planning went fine.

    That said, if you're ever having a BBQ or holiday party or something just invite them all. An hour really isn't that far.
    [Deleted User]
  • Don't stress over it, I'm guessing they are grown women who know how to interact with other girls. If they decide to plan a shower for you, they are perfectly capable of getting a hold of each other.
  • My maids are my SIL, soon to be SIL (brother's fiance), my 2nd cousin, and my best friend. Only my SIL knows them all minus my best friend. Luckily when we went BM dress shopping all were able to attend but my 2nd cousin. So, my SILs met my best friend. They honestly don't have to be friends or talk. The only time they really need to talk is maybe party planning. My best friend has already told me she'd like to help with a shower for me but can't financially (which I knew since she just graduated college and just found her big girl job.) So I just e-mailed my SIL saying that my best friend would like to help decorate and plan for the shower and gave my SIL her number. I'm not getting married until the end of June, which my shower isn't until April so lots of time before they will probably talk about it.. Needless to say, don't sweat the small stuff.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    newenglandgal0802
  • I don't expect them to be new best friends at all. I just meant since they don't really know each other (some of them have never even met) I wanted to find a way for them to at least all get together so they can be comfortable planning things like the shower, dress shopping, etc together. I was just wondering if anyone had been in a similar situation and how they worked it out. Also my sister is from a different time era apparently and rarely uses her email which is frustrating! :)

    They aren't required to throw you a shower. And what does "etc" cover?
  • Since distance is an issue, I would stick to a fun afternoon of dress shopping and possibly lunch for a first meeting. After that, if they offer to help, evenings of drinking wine and DIYing for the wedding would probably be fun. But they don't need to become the best of friends; they are grown women and will most likely get along just fine.

    And I agree with PPs: don't expect a shower, bachelorette party, etc. If your ladies would like to host one for you, they are certainly capable of asking for each other's contact information. You don't need to force this, and shouldn't.
  • Thanks for all the advice. I am not expecting a shower. Although I already know I am getting one from my family anyways. No offense a lot of you on these boards jump to such conclusions assuming people are selfish or bossy or acting entitled. I simply wanted to know how to introduce them. I never asked how to make them friends just how to get them together in a fun way or if anyone had been in a similar situation. They have all already mentioned both a shower and a bachelorette which is why I was looking for a fun way to introduce them. All my girls are very nice and friendly and are excited to plan events and do all the wedding type things. I'm not sure why a lot of you are always so judgy and think us "newbies" are being selfish. Every wedding I've ever been involved in the maids have always been in contact and did things together and thrown showers/bachelorettes maybe I'm just lucky and have people who are excited for me and want to do these things but I in no way expect anything. Some of you seriously need a chill pill. 

    ShellLillian
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