Is this a rude question?

kefryar

My FI had my e ring made for me. It's beautiful, but the stone is huge. I love it, it is one of my favorite material posessions, but it warrants questions that I feel are innapropriate. My stone is a morganite, which is in the beryl family. It's not a cheap stone, but it's not nearly in the same price range as a diamond the same size.

The reason I'm including the size and the stone in this post is because of these questions/comments:

"Is that a diamond" "Wow, that's a rock" "What kind of stone is that" "That must have been pricy".

Are these rude questions? Why would you ever ask someone if their ring is a diamond? I feel like that's basically a ploy to gauge your income/what your fi spent on your ring. How should I respond to this? I always feel really awkward.

EDIT: These comments are usually made when someone is grabbing my hand without permission and basically twisting my arm off

 

APDSS22

If you think they're intrusive you don't have to answer. You could talk about the stone and how cool it is and how you like it so much without mentioning price. Personally I usually go with "It fits my personality so well/ FI did a good job picking one I'd like!" I think most people are just happy and aren't really trying to gauge how much he spent. (At least in my experience.)

itzMS

kefryar said:

My FI had my e ring made for me. It's beautiful, but the stone is huge. I love it, it is one of my favorite material posessions, but it warrants questions that I feel are innapropriate. My stone is a morganite, which is in the beryl family. It's not a cheap stone, but it's not nearly in the same price range as a diamond the same size.

The reason I'm including the size and the stone in this post is because of these questions/comments:

"Is that a diamond" "Wow, that's a rock" "What kind of stone is that" "That must have been pricy".

Are these rude questions? Why would you ever ask someone if their ring is a diamond? I feel like that's basically a ploy to gauge your income/what your fi spent on your ring. How should I respond to this? I always feel really awkward.

 

Eh, yeah, it's a little nosy that they're asking.

If you're not embarassed that it's morganite, just be honest. If you don't care that it's morganite, why would you care if anyone else knows?

Otherwise, just bean dip them.

"I love my ring, thanks for admiring it...have you tried the bean dip?"

KatWAG

I dont think its rude to ask what type of stone it is. If they asked how much it cost, then that is rude. Your stone is Morganite, not a diamond. Be honest about it. Morganites dont look like diamond so I am sure people are just curious.

I have sapphires as my side stones. People ask me all the time what they are.

melbelleup

People are always nosey. I'd just redirect it in another way like PP has stated. Though no one has ever asked me about my ring other than what it is made out of... it's rose gold and sterling silver though.

delujm0

I don't think it's rude to ask what kind of stone it is (especially if it is obviously not a diamond - people could easily just be curious), but it is definitely rude to make any mention of price.  It is also rude to ask about the specific size.

 

I have a very large family heirloom aquamarine ring, and it doens't insult me when people ask what kind of stone it is.  Admittedly, i don't know what morganite looks like, and i imagine it would be a bit more insulting if it looks like a diamond.  but truly people may just be curious about it.  they also might say "that's quite a rock!" as a generic compliment.  normally when people comment on the size of my engagement ring i just say "thanks, he did a really good job!" and leave it at that.

southernbelle0915

I don't think it's rude to comment on someone jewelry or ask what it's made of if it's obviously something they aren't used to seeing. They're probably just curious.

I do get annoyed when people feel they can grab my hand and turn it in several directions to "look at that sparkle" - it's way too invasive and makes me super uncomfortable. When people start asking specific questions like how many carats it is, how much it cost (I don't even know), or that "he must really love you" (this one makes me stabby) I just ignore those questions and change the subject.

kefryar

itzMS said:

kefryar said:

My FI had my e ring made for me. It's beautiful, but the stone is huge. I love it, it is one of my favorite material posessions, but it warrants questions that I feel are innapropriate. My stone is a morganite, which is in the beryl family. It's not a cheap stone, but it's not nearly in the same price range as a diamond the same size.

The reason I'm including the size and the stone in this post is because of these questions/comments:

"Is that a diamond" "Wow, that's a rock" "What kind of stone is that" "That must have been pricy".

Are these rude questions? Why would you ever ask someone if their ring is a diamond? I feel like that's basically a ploy to gauge your income/what your fi spent on your ring. How should I respond to this? I always feel really awkward.

 

Eh, yeah, it's a little nosy that they're asking.

If you're not embarassed that it's morganite, just be honest. If you don't care that it's morganite, why would you care if anyone else knows?

Otherwise, just bean dip them.

"I love my ring, thanks for admiring it...have you tried the bean dip?"

I love that it's a morganite, I never wanted a diamond e ring, just not my personality.

I don't have a problem answering the question, I guess I just have a problem that the question is being asked. I'm sure some people are curious, but I really do get a prying feeling sometimes (especially when people grab my hand and give me the side eye).

For reference (since I can't get a photo to show up), it's a peachy stone that really isn't diamondy looking at all. It's also emerald cut, which is rarely done with a diamond.

kefryar

southernbelle0915 said:

I don't think it's rude to comment on someone jewelry or ask what it's made of if it's obviously something they aren't used to seeing. They're probably just curious.

I do get annoyed when people feel they can grab my hand and turn it in several directions to "look at that sparkle" - it's way too invasive and makes me super uncomfortable. When people start asking specific questions like how many carats it is, how much it cost (I don't even know), or that "he must really love you" (this one makes me stabby) I just ignore those questions and change the subject.

UGH my MOTHER says that all the time. Or, "wow, you're lucky!"

melbelleup

kefryar said:

southernbelle0915 said:

I don't think it's rude to comment on someone jewelry or ask what it's made of if it's obviously something they aren't used to seeing. They're probably just curious.

I do get annoyed when people feel they can grab my hand and turn it in several directions to "look at that sparkle" - it's way too invasive and makes me super uncomfortable. When people start asking specific questions like how many carats it is, how much it cost (I don't even know), or that "he must really love you" (this one makes me stabby) I just ignore those questions and change the subject.

UGH my MOTHER says that all the time. Or, "wow, you're lucky!"

LOL I'm so glad my mom never says this. but she does say my engagement ring is the prettiest ring she's ever seen. I wonder how my SIL and FSIL feel about this? Never really thought about it because it is the prettiest ring I've ever seen too haha. I'm also her only blood daughter.

kefryar

Now I want to see everyone's rings!

ShesSoCold

I have a Montana sapphire E-ring and people ask me about it all the time, including the cashier at Walmart 10 minutes ago. Like PPs, I don't think it's rude to ask, but the other questions are. Just thank them and try to change the subject. 

phira

To me, rude questions/comments about rings are any questions/comments that further reinforce the shitty engagement ring culture. For example, asking how many carats it is, asking how much it cost,* commenting on how much your fiance loves you based on the ring ... GROSS.

I've been engaged for a week and a half and wearing my e-ring for a week, and the number one question I get is what the stone is. But it's a blue sapphire, so I expect the question. People have also asked some questions about my ring because it is very unusual (bezel setting with filigree) and they're curious about how we designed it, or what jeweler we went to.

Do NOT be ashamed that your ring does not have a diamond, or an "expensive" stone. Screw that. If anyone asks you if it's a diamond, feel free to say, with pride, "Nope, it's morganite. I absolutely love it." And then move on

Simply Fated

Some of those questions and comments sound way offbase. If you don't feel comfortable answering specifically, don't. A simple "thank you" and a redirection should help.

kefryar

phira said:

To me, rude questions/comments about rings are any questions/comments that further reinforce the shitty engagement ring culture. For example, asking how many carats it is, asking how much it cost,* commenting on how much your fiance loves you based on the ring ... GROSS.

I've been engaged for a week and a half and wearing my e-ring for a week, and the number one question I get is what the stone is. But it's a blue sapphire, so I expect the question. People have also asked some questions about my ring because it is very unusual (bezel setting with filigree) and they're curious about how we designed it, or what jeweler we went to.

Do NOT be ashamed that your ring does not have a diamond, or an "expensive" stone. Screw that. If anyone asks you if it's a diamond, feel free to say, with pride, "Nope, it's morganite. I absolutely love it." And then move on

I'm not ashamed I'm actually proud that I have a ring so unique, and he took the time to have it designed for me. He does really love me, but I don't base his love off of the ring that he picked out.

Bubbles2014

I don't think it is overly rude to ask about the ring, people are just curious. You don't have to answer, just say thanks for the compliment and then change the subject.

ashleyep

Your stone is very unique, so people are just curious. I did a quick search and it kind of looks like a blush diamond. Since it's not a stone I've ever seen before I might ask what it is too. I wouldn't take too much offense to those questions, but certainly the size and price questions are rude.

STARMOON44

Not rude to ask what kind of stone it is- just answer.

Very rude to ask the cost. I'd just reply with a smile and "priceless to me"

schellzinator

It is quite a gorgeous stone!  As for the cut - my diamond is an emerald cut and I absolutely love it!

HisGirlFriday13

I think it depends on the tone of voice -- and I can see how it might offend you.

My e-ring is a sapphire (my choice), and I get asked a lot, 'Oh, is that your birthstone?' (No, it's not, I just like it), but I think that's a fair question to ask. 

When people grab my hand and try to look at my ring, I usually pull my hand back and bean-dip them, although that has more to do with the fact I hate being touched by strangers than anything else.

I had to google your stone -- how pretty!

+misslisa

I also have a sapphire and I get many comments on it. Few questions about price, though when I get asked, I'm all about expressing my glee over having an inexpensive ring for when I inevitably squish it in a door, or drop it down a drain, or lose it SOMEwhere. Many women seem ashamed if they have a smaller or less expensive ring, so I'm happy to be a positive voice for those of us with a smaller budget.

So I don't really get offended by it. Some tasteless women may be comparing rings to bolster their own self-worth, but I really think most of it is either A) getting ideas for their own rings or responding in a way that we've grown up learning to respond toward shiny things.

tammym1001

I've never had anyone come out and ask how much my ring cost, but I have had them ask how many carats it is (including random cashiers at the store). This is very rude and I would never answer that.

I think the question about is it a diamond though is probably more just them trying to ask what kind of a stone it is since most e rings are diamonds and yours isn't. It would be better if they just said what kind of stone is that, but I think they mean the same thing.

kefryar

schellzinator said:

It is quite a gorgeous stone!  As for the cut - my diamond is an emerald cut and I absolutely love it!

@schellzinator

Thank you! I never saw diamonds in emerald cuts when I was selling jewelry, for some reason people thought that they weren't as brilliant, but it is my favorite cut, and had I had a diamond I def would've wanted that cut, bet your ring is beautiful!

NYCMercedes

Just smile and say Thank You. No need even to address rude questions. Congrats.

OjitosVerdes

phira said:

To me, rude questions/comments about rings are any questions/comments that further reinforce the shitty engagement ring culture. For example, asking how many carats it is, asking how much it cost,* commenting on how much your fiance loves you based on the ring ... GROSS.

I've been engaged for a week and a half and wearing my e-ring for a week, and the number one question I get is what the stone is. But it's a blue sapphire, so I expect the question. People have also asked some questions about my ring because it is very unusual (bezel setting with filigree) and they're curious about how we designed it, or what jeweler we went to.

Do NOT be ashamed that your ring does not have a diamond, or an "expensive" stone. Screw that. If anyone asks you if it's a diamond, feel free to say, with pride, "Nope, it's morganite. I absolutely love it." And then move on

^This. So, so much. 

southernbelle0915

phira said:

To me, rude questions/comments about rings are any questions/comments that further reinforce the shitty engagement ring culture. For example, asking how many carats it is, asking how much it cost,* commenting on how much your fiance loves you based on the ring ... GROSS.

I've been engaged for a week and a half and wearing my e-ring for a week, and the number one question I get is what the stone is. But it's a blue sapphire, so I expect the question. People have also asked some questions about my ring because it is very unusual (bezel setting with filigree) and they're curious about how we designed it, or what jeweler we went to.

Do NOT be ashamed that your ring does not have a diamond, or an "expensive" stone. Screw that. If anyone asks you if it's a diamond, feel free to say, with pride, "Nope, it's morganite. I absolutely love it." And then move on

Holy shit phira!!! Congratulations!! I didn't realize you we're engaged so recently! *pops bottle of virtual champagne*

MuppetOverlord

When people have something to be excited about, others try to show their excitement for them.

When people find out I'm engaged, one of the first things they do is ask to see my ring. I haven't worn mine in 4 months because it needed repair so.. kind of a let down. When people could see it, they made comments about it

A girl at work got married about 2 months ago, I don't really care, but I made it a point to ask for photos and details and to give her lots of compliments.

scully13

My ring is a very large. I get questions all the time in regards to how many carats, cost, comments like "your fiance must really love you," "the bigger the diamond, the more he loves you", etc. It makes me VERY uncomfortable, and that makes me sad, because I LOVE my ring. I usually just smile and stare at them until they shut up. People are strange in expressing their excitement for you, and I have come to the conclusion that with weddings and engagements, people always want to know as much as possible because it is such a special time. 

Bubbles2014

scully13 said:

My ring is a very large. I get questions all the time in regards to how many carats, cost, comments like "your fiance must really love you," "the bigger the diamond, the more he loves you", etc. It makes me VERY uncomfortable, and that makes me sad, because I LOVE my ring. I usually just smile and stare at them until they shut up. People are strange in expressing their excitement for you, and I have come to the conclusion that with weddings and engagements, people always want to know as much as possible because it is such a special time. 

I got these comments too. My ring isn't huge by any means, but bigger than expected for someone my age and income (I'm a 24 year old teacher). My FI didn't even pick out or buy my ring, I did. I worked at a jewellery store and I got my e ring and a matching wedder with staff discount before I left. I saved a boatload, and I figured I'd get married eventually. So when people say that my FI must really love me I say yes, he does, especially since he didn't have to pick it out or pay for it!

SP29

I don't think it's rude to ask what the stone is- I think people are genuinely curious- particularly if it has colour. I think because we are so used to e-rings *always* being diamonds (even though they traditionally weren't- they were ruby, emerald or sapphire until the early 1900s), that people are genuinely curious what it is.

I have a ceylon sapphire, which is a lighter blue than your *traditional* sapphire (say compared to the Duchess Kate's sapphire), so I've had several people ask what stone it is, some asking if it's a blue diamond, or tanzanite. I don't have a problem answering, because I love my ring and think the stone is neat.

Other questions, such as size, price, reference to how much your FI loves you... those are inappropriate. So is people ripping your arm away. 

But if you feel uncomfortable a "Thank you. I love it too!" and change subject would be good. 

MoonlightSilver

kefryar said:

My FI had my e ring made for me. It's beautiful, but the stone is huge. I love it, it is one of my favorite material posessions, but it warrants questions that I feel are innapropriate. My stone is a morganite, which is in the beryl family. It's not a cheap stone, but it's not nearly in the same price range as a diamond the same size.

The reason I'm including the size and the stone in this post is because of these questions/comments:

"Is that a diamond" "Wow, that's a rock" "What kind of stone is that" "That must have been pricy".

Are these rude questions? Why would you ever ask someone if their ring is a diamond? I feel like that's basically a ploy to gauge your income/what your fi spent on your ring. How should I respond to this? I always feel really awkward.

EDIT: These comments are usually made when someone is grabbing my hand without permission and basically twisting my arm off

 

I'd just go, "Ow, that hurts!"  and refuse to answer questions on principle.